Why do I need a Mental Health Life Coach for Bi-Polar or any other mental health disorder?
By Matthew Hesselgrave, ADHD and Bi-Polar Coach
I have been working with Elizabeth (pseudonym) for about a year now. She was diagnosed with bi-polar type 2 eighteen months ago and has experienced the typical cycling between long depressions, lasting several weeks, punctuated by the hypomanic states lasting several days to a couple weeks. Understandably, she often felt out of control being pushed and pulled between the polls and wondered if she’d ever feel “normal” again. In fact she had lost sight of what normal was altogether. Outside of her depressed and hypomanic states she felt scared, sad and angry over her tenuous stability and lived in a constant state of anxiety waiting for the next cycle to upend her world.
She is seeing a psychiatrist for medication but is experiencing added ups and downs of the “try this – try that”, find the right medication regimen, which adds to the anxiety and uncertainty. She has also been doing therapy for deeper psychological exploration, but feels it isn’t very helpful, as she has for the most part healthy relationships and attachments and very little – if any – past psychological trauma.
She began to see me as her Mental Health Life Coach when she heard that I have been living with bi-polar for over 25 years and have the lived experience of managing the illness. As we traveled the rough terrain of her bi-polar journey I have helped her find her “new normal” and learn to ride out some of the ups and downs both in terms of cycles and of life, helping her set goals, gain perspective, acquire education and practice new skills useful in contending with her bi-polar reality. She is beginning to feel like she is getting her life back and is starting to recognize her triggers and when she starts to swing. She is still struggling with meds, side effects and trying to understand if this one or that one is helping or not, but we are talking, tracking, recording and researching options to keep her psychiatrist well informed of her progress and goals.
Elizabeth is my ideal client and a nearly perfect example of how the right coach can help manage mental health problems. A life coach can be a critical part of a care team both as a coach providing encouragement and practical skills necessary to manage the illness, but also as an advocate for the client, who is often unable to effectively self-advocate with mental health professionals, especially prescribing doctors and psychiatrists.
It is important for me to help my clients recognize that a bi-polar diagnosis is not the end of the world and to see the light on the horizon that comes from effectively managing the illness. Hope is critical and so hard to find especially in the first few months of the diagnosis. A coach can help clients find that hope and even learn not just to survive a mental health reality but to thrive in it. I myself am a prime example.
My own story starts in late 1998 when I began to experience crippling bouts of depression that lasted for several months at a time. I was treated with anti-depressants which never seemed to help for very long and inevitably the depression came back worse. Eventually it would go away only to reappear some months later. This happened over and over for years. Finally, in 2003 after almost giving up, I received the bi-polar 2 diagnosis and was given my first somewhat effective regimen of meds. But predictably the meds had life impacting side effects. And it was another 2 years to get the right combo which allowed me to function “normally”. Meanwhile I had to learn to maintain a job, support my growing family and l function despite my illness. It was a lonely path and IT WASN’T EASY!
In trying to find help I went to one unhelpful therapist after another who mostly wanted to excavate my past, spend endless sessions talking or offered shallow advice and useless self-help programs. Finally, in 2008 I found a wonderful psychiatric nurse practitioner who brought the right combination of evidence based advice and medication on board, so that I really started feeling grounded and stable for the first time in 11 years! I remained reasonably stable for 3 years before I hit another rough patch. Unfortunately, my nurse practitioner retired and moved away so I went through several other mental health professionals trying to find that elusive combination of just right counseling and prescriptions. It was several additional years until I once again found another talented psychiatric nurse practitioner who worked with me for 3 years. Her philosophy was a no-compromise approach to mental health, she tweaked and tweaked the meds until they worked with little to no side effects. She got me off some harmful meds. And she coached me in many practical ways until I eventually reached my optimal level of mental health satisfaction.
That was 2018 and I’ve sustained that optimal level of mental health ever since. What I’ve learned through my own mental health journey, I bring to my coaching sessions. I’ve been in the trenches and have learned what works and what doesn’t. The coaching I received from my nurse practitioners was evidence based, practical, goal orientated, encouraging and hopeful. It came from their own experiences in life and practice.
I model my own approach to coaching after the coaching I received from them. No, I obviously can’t and won’t give medication advice but I can help my clients research and educate themselves on what the best therapies and practices are. I can encourage them to maintain hope for the right combo of meds being found. I can advise them to listen to their own bodies and explain how to report side effects and efficacy. I can encourage them to set and take charge of their own mental health goals. And like what was done for me, I can offer evidence based advice, listen to their struggles, help them find hope and a path forward and when appropriate I can relate my own experiences letting them know they are not alone.
You are not alone. Whether or not you are feeling hopeful, I am for you. I have a roadmap for us that leads to freedom and fullness in your life.