How Does Play Therapy Work?

How does Play Therapy work? And what happens in a Play Therapy session?

In play therapy, the therapist creates a safe and supportive environment for the child to express themselves through play.Looking at play therapy through the eyes of an adult, it can appear on the surface that they are just playing. However it is never just play! The transformative power of play therapy helps children navigate their emotions, express themselves, and heal from past traumas. Play therapy is a unique and effective approach that allows children to communicate their inner thoughts and feelings through the language of play. Through the use of toys, games, art materials, and other creative mediums, children can explore their experiences, process their emotions, and develop coping skills in a safe and supportive environment. Here is a more detailed breakdown of what typically happens in a play therapy session:

1. Introduction and Building Rapport: The therapist begins by establishing a connection with the child, building trust, and creating a safe space for them to feel comfortable and open. This helps the child feel secure and willing to engage in the therapeutic process.

2. Assessment and Observation: The therapist observes the child's play behavior, interactions with toys, and themes that emerge during the session. This helps the therapist gain insights into the child's emotions, thoughts, and experiences that may be difficult for the child to express verbally.

3. Setting Boundaries and Structure: While play therapy is child-centered and allows for freedom and creativity, the therapist also sets boundaries and structure to ensure safety and consistency within the session. This helps the child understand the therapeutic process and feel secure in the environment.

4. Exploration and Expression: Through various play materials such as toys, art supplies, sand trays, and games, the child is encouraged to explore and express themselves in a non-verbal way. The child may engage in imaginative play, storytelling, role-playing, or creative activities that reflect their inner world and experiences. 

One of the key reasons why play therapy is so important for children is that it provides them with a developmentally appropriate way to express themselves. Children may not always have the words to articulate their thoughts and feelings, especially when they are experiencing stress, anxiety, or confusion. Play therapy offers a non-verbal and symbolic form of communication that allows children to express themselves in a way that feels natural and comfortable to them. By engaging in play, children can externalize their internal struggles, work through difficult emotions, and make sense of their experiences in a way that is meaningful to them.

5. Processing Emotions and Experiences: As the child engages in play, the therapist helps them process their emotions, thoughts, and experiences that may be causing distress or confusion. The therapist may ask open-ended questions, provide reflections, and offer interpretations to help the child make sense of their feelings and behaviors.

6. Developing Coping Skills and Resilience: Through play therapy, children learn to develop coping skills, problem-solving abilities, emotional regulation, and resilience. The therapist may introduce new strategies, techniques, or interventions to help the child manage stress, anxiety, or challenging situations in a healthy way.

7. Building Self-Esteem and Confidence: Play therapy helps children build self-esteem, confidence, and a positive sense of self. By engaging in play activities, children can experience success, mastery, and a sense of accomplishment, which boosts their self-worth and self-efficacy. As they engage in imaginative play, creative expression, and problem-solving activities, children can build resilience, self-awareness, and a positive sense of self. Play therapy provides children with a safe space to take risks, make choices, and learn from their mistakes, all of which contribute to their emotional growth and development.

8. Healing Trauma and Processing Difficult Experiences: For children who have experienced trauma, loss, or other challenging life events, play therapy provides a safe and supportive space to process their feelings, memories, and reactions. Children who have experienced trauma, loss, or significant life changes may struggle to cope with their emotions and may exhibit behavioral difficulties or symptoms of anxiety and depression. Play therapy offers a gentle and supportive approach to helping children work through their trauma, process their feelings, and develop healthy coping strategies. Through the therapeutic relationship with the play therapist, children can experience safety, trust, and emotional support as they navigate their healing journey.

9. Improving Social Skills and Relationships: Through play therapy, children can improve their social skills, communication abilities, and relationships with others. The therapist may facilitate social interactions, role-playing scenarios, and cooperative play activities to help the child practice empathy, cooperation, and conflict resolution. Play therapy provides children with opportunities to explore different roles, perspectives, and scenarios, which can enhance their social and emotional intelligence. By engaging in play with the therapist and other children, children can learn to navigate social interactions, set boundaries, and build healthy relationships based on trust and respect.

10. Closure and Reflection: At the end of the session, the therapist helps the child transition out of the therapeutic space, reflect on their experiences, and process any emotions that may have emerged during the session. The therapist may provide feedback, validation, and support to help the child integrate their play experiences into their daily life.

Play therapy is a dynamic and effective approach that allows children to explore, express, and heal through the language of play. By engaging in play therapy, children can develop essential skills, build resilience, and experience emotional growth in a supportive and nurturing environment. Play therapy is not just a therapeutic intervention – it is a journey of self-discovery, healing, and empowerment for children of all ages.

What can I expect when I go to therapy?

What can I expect when I go to therapy?

When you make the decision to go to therapy, it can be both a courageous and empowering step towards choosing YOU and choosing to invest in your worth and your present and future. Therapy offers a safe and confidential space where you can explore your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with guidance. We can only grow so far on our own, we were designed to have a guide and another person to bear witness to our story. If you're considering therapy but are unsure of what to expect, here are some key aspects to keep in mind:

First and foremost, it's important to remember that therapy is a collaborative process between you and your therapist. Your therapist is there to support you, listen to you without judgment, and help you navigate through your challenges. They will work with you to set goals, explore your emotions, delve deeper into your story and help you gain clarity and understanding where you have come from and where you are currently at and develop coping strategies to manage difficult situations.

During your first session, also known as the intake session, your therapist will likely ask you some questions to get to know you better and understand your reasons for seeking therapy. This is an opportunity for you to share your concerns, goals, and any relevant background information that may be helpful in guiding the therapeutic process.

Therapy sessions typically last around 50 minutes to an hour and are usually scheduled on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, depending on your needs and availability. The frequency and duration of therapy sessions can vary based on your individual circumstances and treatment goals. Often times in the beginning of therapy, it is recommended to meet weekly to develop a solid foundation for the work that is to be done.

In therapy, you can expect to engage in open and honest conversations with your therapist about your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and relationships. Your therapist may use different therapeutic approaches and techniques to help you gain insight into your patterns of thinking and behavior, challenge negative beliefs, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Therapy is a safe space for you to express yourself freely and explore difficult emotions in a supportive and non-judgmental environment. Your therapist will provide empathy, validation, and encouragement as you work through your challenges and make positive changes in your life.

It's important to keep in mind that therapy is a process that takes time and commitment. Progress may not always be linear, and there may be ups and downs along the way. Your therapist will work with you to identify obstacles, set realistic goals, and track your progress over time. The nature of the therapeutic process is that it is disruptive, as you uncover different stories and memories that have deeply shaped and formed you. It is important to remember that you are not alone in this. 

As you continue with therapy, you may notice improvements in your mood, self-awareness, and relationships. Therapy can help you develop a deeper understanding of yourself, build resilience, and enhance your overall well-being.

In addition to individual therapy, there are also different types of therapy available, such as couples therapy, family therapy, and group therapy. These modalities can be beneficial for addressing specific relationship dynamics, communication issues, or interpersonal conflicts.

Overall, when you go to therapy, you can expect a supportive and collaborative relationship with your therapist, a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings, and the opportunity to work towards positive change and personal growth. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and therapy can be a valuable tool in helping you navigate life's challenges and improve your mental health and well-being. If you are ready to take the next step in your healing and wholeness, we are here for you! 

Closure: at the end of a relationship

When a relationship ends, the ending ushers in a host of complicated emotions and feelings. The end of a relationship can be emotionally challenging, leaving us feeling lost, hurt, and longing for closure. Moving on from a past relationship requires time, self-reflection, and a focus on mental well-being. Closure is the process of finding resolution and understanding,  allowing us to move forward with our lives. However, the question remains: Is closure at the end of a relationship possible with the other person? What does closure look like for ourselves? 

Closure is a personal process that allows individuals to come to terms with the end of a relationship. It involves accepting the reality of the breakup, acknowledging and processing emotions, and ultimately finding inner peace. While closure may look different for everyone, it is essential for maintaining mental health and moving forward. Closure is a deeply personal and subjective experience. It involves finding emotional resolution, acceptance, and peace after the end of a relationship. While closure can be sought through various means, it is important to remember that it ultimately comes from within ourselves. This is great news because having closure is not reliant on the other person.

Here are some helpful tools to add to your toolbelt as you navigate the end of a relationship.

Allow Yourself to Grieve:
Breakups can trigger a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and confusion. It is crucial to give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the relationship. Part of the grieving process is grieving the future dreams and plans you had with the other person that will not come to pass. Allow yourself to feel these emotions and express them in healthy ways, such as talking to a trusted friend or writing in a journal. Remember, healing takes time, and it's okay to take as long as you need.

Reflect and Learn:
Take time to reflect on the relationship and identify any patterns or lessons learned. This self-reflection can help you gain clarity and understand what you want and need in future relationships. Avoid blaming yourself or your ex-partner; instead, focus on personal growth and self-improvement.

Establish Boundaries: Maintaining distance from your ex-partner is crucial for finding closure. Set clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. This may involve limiting contact, unfollowing them on social media, or even temporarily cutting off communication. Creating space allows you to focus on yourself and your healing process. It is not your ex’s role to make sense of the breakup for you or to be part of the healing process. It is also not your role to be that for your ex.

Role of Communication: Communication can play a role in seeking closure. Engaging in open and honest  conversations with the other person can provide an opportunity to  express feelings, gain clarity, and find closure. However, this is not an opportunity to try to convince them to stay in the relationship, or to tell them everything that you don’t like about them. If you want to have a conversation with the other, approach these conversations with empathy, respect, and a willingness to listen. (Remember: you want to be remembered as the one that got away not the one they are glad to never see again)

Acceptance and Letting Go: Closure does not always require direct communication with the other person.  Sometimes, closure is achieved through self-reflection and acceptance.  It involves acknowledging the end of the relationship, understanding  that certain things may remain unresolved, and making peace with the  situation. Letting go of expectations and focusing on personal growth  can contribute to finding closure within ourselves.

Seek Support: During this challenging time, it's important to lean on your support system. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who can provide a listening ear and offer guidance. Surrounding yourself with positive influences can help you gain perspective and find comfort in knowing you're not alone.

Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that promote your mental and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, such as exercising, practicing mindfulness or meditation, pursuing hobbies, or spending time in nature. Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally will aid in the healing process.

Embrace the Future: As you work towards closure, focus on building a positive vision for your future. Set new goals, explore new interests, and invest in self-improvement. Embracing new opportunities and experiences will help you move forward and create a fulfilling life beyond the breakup.

The end of a relationship is always hard, even if you are the one that initiated the breakup. Breakups are part of the human experience. We will navigate relationships ending throughout our life. Giving ourselves the permission and the space to heal well is one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves. Remember, closure is not an endpoint but a stepping stone towards healing and personal growth. This is a chapter in your story that is ending, but it is not the ending of your story. 

If you would like to have a trusted guide walk with you as you navigate closure, reach out today!

Navigating the Complex Intersection: Co-Occurring Conditions of ADHD and Bipolar Disorder

By Matthew Hesselgrave ADHD and Bipolar Coach

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Bipolar Disorder are two distinct neurological conditions, each with its own set of symptoms and challenges. However, it's not uncommon for these disorders to co-occur in some individuals, leading to a complex web of symptoms and a heightened need for accurate diagnosis and appropriate treatment. Together, we will explore the co-occurring conditions of ADHD and Bipolar Disorder, shed light on the complexities involved, and discuss strategies for managing these challenges effectively.

Understanding ADHD

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, compromised executive function, and impulsivity. It typically manifests in childhood and persist into adulthood, affecting various aspects of life, from academic and professional performance to relationships.

3 Common ADHD Symptoms:

• Inattention: Difficulty focusing on tasks, forgetfulness, and disorganization.

• Hyperactivity: Restlessness, fidgeting, and an inability to sit still.

• Impulsivity: Acting without thinking, interrupting others, and difficulty waiting one's turn.

Understanding Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disorder is a mood disorder characterized by extreme fluctuations in mood and energy levels.

Bipolar Disorder consists of two main phases:

• Manic Phase: Elevated mood, increased energy, and impulsivity.

• Depressive Phase: Low mood, lack of energy, and feelings of hopelessness.

The Co-Occurrence of ADHD and Bipolar Disorder

Prevalence: Research indicates that individuals with ADHD are at an increased risk of developing Bipolar Disorder, and vice versa. The co-occurrence of these conditions can complicate diagnosis and treatment.

Diagnostic Challenges: Diagnosing co-occurring ADHD and Bipolar Disorder can be challenging, as some symptoms of one condition can overlap with the other. Accurate diagnosis is crucial for effective management.

Managing Co-Occurring ADHD and Bipolar Disorder

Medication: Medication is a common treatment approach for both conditions. However, careful consideration and monitoring are required to avoid potential interactions or worsening of symptoms.

• ADHD Medication: Stimulants like methylphenidate or non-stimulant medications may be prescribed.

• Bipolar Disorder Medication: Mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, and antidepressants may be recommended.

Psychotherapy: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can help individuals develop coping strategies for managing symptoms and improving emotional regulation.

Coaching: ADHD and Bipolar coaches work with clients to set goals, create personalized strategies, and provide ongoing support to foster growth and development. Coaches are well-versed in the complexities of ADHD and Bipolar and tailor their approaches to each individual's needs.

Lifestyle Modifications: Maintaining a regular sleep schedule, engaging in regular exercise, and adhering to a balanced diet, are critical, and can help stabilize mood and manage symptoms.

Challenges and Considerations

Medication Interactions: Certain medications used to treat ADHD and Bipolar Disorder may interact and require close monitoring to ensure safety and efficacy.

Emotional Regulation: Individuals with co-occurring ADHD and Bipolar Disorder may struggle with emotional regulation, leading to mood swings and impulsive behaviors. Developing strategies to manage emotions is vital.

Coping Strategies and Support

Education: Understanding both conditions and their potential interactions is crucial. Education empowers individuals to advocate for themselves and seek appropriate treatment.

Support Systems: Having a strong support system, including friends, family, therapists, coaches, and support groups, can provide emotional and practical assistance in managing co-occurring conditions.

Self-Care: Practicing self-care, including stress management techniques, mindfulness, and relaxation, can help individuals maintain stability and well-being.

I live with co-occurring ADHD and Bipolar Type 2 Disorder and it can be challenging, but it's important to remember that with the right treatment and support, individuals can lead fulfilling and productive lives. Accurate diagnosis, appropriate medication, psychotherapy, coaching and lifestyle modifications all play crucial roles in managing these complex co-occurring conditions. As our understanding of these conditions continues to evolve, so too will our ability to provide effective care and support for those affected.

You do not need to create the plan that your system needs, reach out today and we can work together to create a roadmap for you!

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The Complex World of Executive Functioning Components

By Matthew Hesselgrave, ADHD/Bipolar Coach

Executive functioning is a cognitive powerhouse that governs our ability to manage, plan, and regulate behavior. At its core, executive functioning consists of several interconnected components, each playing a unique role in shaping our daily experiences. In this comprehensive exploration, we will delve into the co-components of executive functioning, unraveling the intricacies that contribute to our cognitive orchestration.

Working Memory: The Mental Sketchpad

Working memory is akin to a mental sketchpad, allowing us to hold and manipulate information temporarily. This dynamic process involves the simultaneous storage and processing of data, enabling us to follow instructions, solve problems, and navigate complex tasks. Think of it as the cognitive workspace where information is temporarily housed for immediate use.

Role in Everyday Life

Academic Success: Working memory is fundamental to academic achievement, aiding students in tasks like mental arithmetic, reading comprehension, and following multi-step instructions.

Problem-Solving: Whether troubleshooting a technical glitch or deciphering a crossword puzzle, working memory is at the forefront of our cognitive toolkit for problem-solving.

Cognitive Flexibility: The Mental Gymnast

Cognitive flexibility is the ability to adapt and shift thinking when faced with new or changing situations. It's the mental gymnast that allows us to switch gears, consider alternative perspectives, and adjust our strategies. This component is crucial in navigating the ever-evolving landscape of life.

Role in Everyday Life:

Adapting to Change: In the workplace, cognitive flexibility is essential for professionals dealing with dynamic projects, evolving priorities, and unforeseen challenges.

Social Interactions: Navigating social dynamics requires cognitive flexibility to understand different viewpoints, interpret social cues, and adjust communication styles accordingly.

Inhibitory Control: The Cognitive Traffic Cop

Inhibitory control is the cognitive traffic cop that helps us regulate our impulses and resist distractions. It's the mental brake system that allows us to pause before responding, manage emotional reactions, and stay focused on our goals despite potential distractions.

Role in Everyday Life:

Self-Regulation: Inhibitory control is crucial for self-regulation, influencing behaviors such as resisting the temptation of immediate rewards for long-term goals.

Emotional Regulation: Managing emotional responses, especially in challenging situations, relies on inhibitory control to prevent impulsive reactions.

Planning and Organization: The Architectural Blueprint

Planning and organization involve creating a roadmap for future actions and structuring tasks in a coherent manner. This executive component is the architectural blueprint that guides us through projects, events, and daily routines.

Role in Everyday Life:

Time Management: Planning and organization are pivotal for effective time management, ensuring that tasks are completed efficiently without unnecessary stress.

Project Execution: From planning a business strategy to organizing a social event, this component is the backbone of successful project execution.

Metacognition: The Cognitive Navigator

Metacognition involves awareness and understanding of one's own cognitive processes. It's the cognitive navigator that allows us to reflect on our thinking, monitor our progress, and make adjustments as needed.

Role in Everyday Life:

Learning Strategies: Metacognition influences learning strategies, helping individuals choose effective approaches for understanding and retaining information.

Goal Setting: Setting and achieving goals is facilitated by metacognitive skills, as individuals assess their progress and adjust their strategies accordingly.

Initiation and Motivation: The Spark of Action

Initiation and motivation are the driving forces behind goal-directed behavior. This executive component serves as the spark that propels us into action, initiating tasks and sustaining effort towards achieving objectives.

Role in Everyday Life:

Task Initiation: Overcoming procrastination and initiating tasks require a healthy dose of initiation and motivation.

Goal Persistence: Whether pursuing a fitness regimen or working towards professional aspirations, sustained motivation is crucial for achieving long-term goals.

Response Monitoring: The Self-Reflective Sentry

Response monitoring involves evaluating the outcomes of our actions and making adjustments based on feedback. It's the self-reflective sentry that helps us learn from experiences, refine our strategies, and improve future performances.

Role in Everyday Life:

Learning from Mistakes: Response monitoring is instrumental in learning from mistakes, allowing individuals to adapt and refine their approaches.

Continuous Improvement: In professional settings, response monitoring contributes to continuous improvement by fostering adaptability and resilience.

The Harmonious Symphony of Cognitive Functions: In essence, executive functioning is not a single monolith but a harmonious symphony of interconnected components. Working together, these cognitive facets enable us to navigate the complexities of life with finesse, from academic pursuits to professional endeavors and social interactions. Understanding the co-components of executive functioning unveils the intricate dance within our minds, providing insights that can inform strategies for personal growth, education, and cognitive well-being.

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Mastering Life's Symphony: The Marvels of Executive Functioning

By Matthew Hesselgrave ADHD/Bipolar Coach

Executive functioning, often referred to as the brain's "CEO," is a complex cognitive system that enables us to plan, organize, and execute daily tasks successfully. It's like the conductor of an orchestra, coordinating multiple functions to produce harmonious results. In this blog post, we will delve into the intricate world of executive functioning, exploring its core components, development, and the role it plays in our daily lives.

The Fundamentals of Executive Functioning

Executive functioning refers to a set of mental processes responsible for higher-order cognitive functions. It encompasses various skills and abilities, including planning, problem-solving, organization, impulse control, and time management.

The core components of executive functioning typically include, planning, time management, task initiation, organization, problem-solving, flexibility, working memory, emotional control, impulse control, attention control, and self monitoring. These components work together to help us manage and coordinate our thoughts and actions effectively.

The Brain's Maestro: The Prefrontal Cortex

The Prefrontal Cortex's Role: The prefrontal cortex, a region located at the front of the brain, is the central hub for executive functioning. It oversees decision-making, goal-setting, and the regulation of behavior. Dysfunction in this area can lead to executive function challenges.

The prefrontal cortex continues to develop throughout childhood and adolescence, reaching full maturity in the mid-20s. This development has significant implications for executive function in children and young adults.

The Lifelong Journey of Executive Function Development

Childhood Development

In early childhood, executive function skills begin to emerge as children learn to control impulses, follow directions, and plan simple tasks. These skills become more sophisticated as they mature.

Adolescence and Executive Function

During adolescence, the brain undergoes significant changes, impacting executive functioning. This period is often marked by challenges in impulse control and decision-making.

Adulthood and Aging

In adulthood, executive functioning skills play a crucial role in personal and professional success. As individuals age, some aspects of executive function may decline, but others can remain strong with practice and cognitive engagement.

Executive Function Challenges and Associated Conditions

ADHD and Executive Function: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is often characterized by executive function challenges, including difficulties with impulse control, working memory, and attention regulation.

Autism Spectrum Disorder and Executive Function: Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) may also face executive function difficulties, particularly in social situations and flexible thinking.

Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI): Traumatic brain injuries can disrupt executive functioning, leading to difficulties in problem-solving, emotional regulation, and organization

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The Real-World Impact of Executive Functioning

Education and Learning: Effective executive function skills are essential for academic success. They enable students to plan, organize, and manage time efficiently, which is crucial for academic achievement.

Work and Career: In the workplace, executive functioning skills are invaluable. They help individuals manage projects, meet deadlines, and solve complex problems.

Daily Life: Executive functioning plays a central role in daily life, affecting everything from household organization to personal finance management.

Strategies for Enhancing Executive Function

Coaching: Life coaching has been especially helpful for those struggling with executive function. A life coach can evaluate and develop a plan for addressing specific executive function deficits. 

Cognitive Training: Cognitive training programs can help individuals improve specific executive function skills, such as working memory and attention control.

Time Management Techniques: Time management strategies, like creating to-do lists and setting specific goals, can aid in organizing tasks and prioritizing them effectively.

Mindfulness and Self-Regulation: Practicing mindfulness can enhance self-regulation and impulse control, two essential aspects of executive function.

Executive functioning is a fascinating cognitive system that influences our ability to manage life's complexities. It matures throughout childhood and adolescence, impacting our personal and professional lives in various ways. While challenges in executive function can be associated with conditions like ADHD, they are not insurmountable. With the right strategies and cognitive training, and life coaching, individuals can enhance their executive function skills, leading to greater success and satisfaction in both their personal and professional lives. Understanding and appreciating the role of executive functioning can help individuals conduct the symphony of their lives with precision and grace.

If you would like to pursue executive functioning coaching, reach out today!

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Common Reasons Teens Go To Therapy

Almost everyone has heard the woes of the teenage years or the middle school years. There is a reason that there is such folklore around the tween/teen years. They are hard. They are tricky to navigate for both parents and teens. Adolescence is a critical stage of development characterized by significant physical, emotional, and social changes. While many teenagers navigate this period with relative ease, others may face various challenges that can impact their mental well-being. Seeking therapy can provide invaluable support and guidance for teens dealing with these common issues. While this list is not exhaustive, these are some of the prevalent concerns that prompt teenagers to seek therapy and how therapy can help address these challenges.

1. Anxiety and Stress:
Teenagers often experience heightened levels of anxiety and stress due to academic pressures, social expectations, and personal insecurities. Therapy can help teens develop coping mechanisms, manage stressors, and build resilience to navigate these challenges effectively.

2. Depression and Mood Disorders:
Depression is a serious mental health condition that affects many teenagers. Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a loss of interest in activities can significantly impact a teen's daily life. Therapy provides a safe space for teens to express their emotions, learn healthy coping strategies, and develop a support network.

3. Self-esteem and Body Image Issues:
Adolescence is a time when body image concerns and low self-esteem can become prominent. Teens may struggle with accepting their changing bodies, comparing themselves to peers, or facing bullying. Body image issues are also spread amongst teens, the discontent and insecurity is contagious. Therapy can help teens develop a positive self-image, challenge negative thoughts, and cultivate self-acceptance.

4. Family Conflict and Relationship Issues:
Teenagers often experience conflicts within their families, such as communication breakdowns, divorce, or blended family dynamics. Teenage years are about individuation—they are figuring out who they are and are trying out ways to be an individual. This individuation can create a lot of friction in relationships. Therapy can provide a neutral environment for teens to express their feelings, improve communication skills, and work towards resolving conflicts constructively.

5. Substance Abuse and Addiction:
Experimentation with drugs, alcohol, or other addictive behaviors is not uncommon during adolescence. Whether that is experimenting with substances to help manage anxiety and stress, or to fit in with peers, having a space place to understand the risks and to help navigate the situations that may present with substance use is important for teens. Therapy can help teens understand the underlying reasons behind substance abuse, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and provide support for recovery.

6. Academic and Performance Pressure:
The pressure to excel academically can be overwhelming for many teenagers. Teenagers are facing unprecedented pressure in the academic and athletic realms. Having a counselor who can help be a sounding board for the way the pressure is impacting them is necessary. Therapy can assist teens in managing perfectionism, setting realistic goals, improving study skills, and developing a healthy work-life balance.

7. Peer Pressure and Social Challenges:
Navigating friendships, peer pressure, and social dynamics can be challenging for teenagers. The teenage years are filled with changing social circles and friendships. Navigating friendships and relationships as a teen can be exciting but it is also overwhelming. Therapy can help teens develop assertiveness skills, establish healthy boundaries, and enhance their social skills to build meaningful relationships.

Teenagers face a myriad of challenges during their formative years, and seeking therapy can be a crucial step towards addressing these issues. By providing a safe and supportive environment, therapy empowers teens to develop resilience, coping strategies, and a better understanding of themselves. If you or someone you know is struggling with any of these common issues, reaching out to a therapist can make a significant difference in their mental well-being and overall quality of life. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and no one has to face these challenges alone. We are here to help!

Recognizing Domestic Abuse in Relationships.

By molly kitz ma, lmhc

Help is available immediately if you are a victim (or know someone who is) of domestic violence. Ways to get help:

1. TEXT START TO 88788

2. CALL 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Domestic violence is a pervasive problem that affects individuals of all genders, ages, and backgrounds. It is crucial to understand the dynamics of abuse, recognize the warning signs, and support survivors in their journey towards safety and healing. As therapists, we are committed to this mission year round and aim to raise awareness, advocate, and help survivors and their families. 

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence (also referred to as intimate partner violence (IPV)) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain a sense of control or power over the other partner. Domestic violence is an umbrella term and many forms of abuse can fall under it; financial abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional and psychological abuse, and digital abuse (also known as stalking). Every type of abuse is serious and no one ever deserves any form of abuse. 

It is important to know that domestic violence doesn’t discriminate - people of all ages, genders, races, religions, or socioeconomic status can be a victim or perpetrator of domestic violence. It is estimated that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the United States have experienced violence in their relationships. 

Is This Abuse?

It can be difficult to recognize when a behavior or relationship has gone from healthy to abusive. Some warning signs of abuse from your partner include:

1. Insulting, demeaning, and putting you down in front of others. For example, name calling, making fun of, using vulnerable information to make fun of you.

2. Exhibiting extreme jealousy when you are with your friends or loved ones. For example, constantly monitoring your whereabouts, isolating you from friends and family, or dictating what you can wear.

3. Preventing you from spending time with others. Deliberate efforts to isolate the partner from their support system, making it difficult for them to seek help or escape the abusive situation.

4. Controlling finances and/or household decisions without your input. One partner controlling the finances, withholding money, or preventing the other person from accessing financial resources.

5. Destroying your belongings. One partner breaking, damaging and intentionally destroying what belongs to you (or is important to you).

6. Forcing you to perform sexual acts without consent. Any sexual activity that is non-consensual or done under duress is considered abuse.

7. Threatening or intimidating you with weapons. Anytime someone uses a weapon to threaten and/or intimidate you is abuse.

8. Any form of physical harm. Any form of physical aggression, such as hitting, slapping, pushing, or other acts of violence.
   
   

Domestic Violence in Washington State

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

• Over 1.8 million Washington residents will experience domestic violence in their lifetimes

• 41.4% of women and 31.7% of men experience physical violence, sexual violence and/or stalking in their relationhips in their lifetimes

• 28.3% of women will be victims of stalking in their lifetime

• 49.7% of all crimes against persons in 2020 were domestic violence crimes 

How Do We Find Healing?

Healing from domestic violence occurs on many fronts, however, there is help available! Whether you are a victim, a loved one, a professional, or an advocate there are ways we can all help to raise awareness and end domestic violence in our communities. As therapists, we are here for you and are ready to help guide you on a path of healing. Domestic violence is a deeply concerning issue that requires collective action and understanding. By engaging in open conversations, spreading awareness, and supporting survivors, we can work towards a society free from the grip of abuse.

Statewide resources: https://wscadv.org/washington-domestic-violence-programs/#king

DV Hopeline (local): https://dvhopeline.org

Lifewire (local): https://www.lifewire.org

The Hotline (national): https://www.thehotline.org

If you have been impacted by domestic violence and need help and healing. We are here for you. You did not cause abuse. Your abuser made a choice to abuse.

Understanding Teenagers Who Need Therapy But Don't Want to Go

Thrive teen therapists:

Katie Olsen MA, LMHCA Kassidy Gordon MSW, Lswaic

Adolescence is a challenging phase of life, filled with physical, emotional, and social changes. For some teenagers, these changes can lead to mental health issues that may require professional help. However, it is not uncommon for teenagers to resist the idea of therapy, often due to various reasons such as stigma, fear, or a lack of understanding. In this blog post, we will explore the importance of therapy for teenagers, common reasons why they may resist it, and strategies to encourage them to seek the help they need. 1 in 3 Washington 10th graders report experiencing strongly depressive feelings. The teens that are struggling are not alone, but do they know they are not alone?

1. The Importance of Therapy for Teenagers:
Therapy can provide invaluable support for teenagers facing mental health challenges. It offers a safe and confidential space for them to express their thoughts and emotions, develop coping skills, and gain a better understanding of themselves. Therapy can address a range of issues including anxiety, depression, self-esteem, academic stress, family conflicts, and more.

2. Reasons Why Teenagers May Resist Therapy:
a) Stigma and Misconceptions: Many teenagers may perceive therapy as a sign of weakness or believe that it is only for "crazy" or "broken" individuals. Addressing these misconceptions and normalizing therapy can help reduce resistance.

b) Fear of Judgment: Teenagers may worry about being judged by their peers or fear that their struggles will be misunderstood by the therapist.

c) Lack of Awareness: Some teenagers may not fully understand the benefits of therapy or may not be aware that their struggles can be effectively addressed through professional help.

d) Loss of Control: Adolescence is a time when teenagers strive for independence. The idea of therapy may be perceived as a loss of control or an intrusion into their personal lives.

3. Strategies to Encourage Teenagers to Seek Therapy:
a) Open and Non-judgmental Communication: Create a safe and supportive environment where teenagers feel comfortable discussing their concerns. Listen actively, validate their feelings, and avoid judgment or criticism.

b) Educate and Normalize: Provide accurate information about therapy, its benefits, and how it can help them navigate their challenges. Normalize the idea of seeking help by sharing stories of successful therapy experiences. Normalize that therapy is part of life, not a last ditch effort when all other efforts have been exhausted. Too often parents reach for therapy as a last resort vs a first line of defense.

c) Involve Them in the Decision-making Process: Empower teenagers by involving them in the process of finding a therapist. Allow them to express their preferences and concerns, and consider their input when selecting a therapist.

d) Highlight Confidentiality: Assure teenagers that therapy sessions are confidential, emphasizing that their privacy will be respected.

e) Seek Support from Trusted Adults: Encourage teenagers to talk to a trusted adult, such as a parent, teacher, or school counselor, who can provide guidance and support in finding the right therapist.

While it can be challenging to convince teenagers to seek therapy when they are resistant, it is crucial to prioritize their mental well-being. By understanding their concerns, providing accurate information, and creating a supportive environment, we can help teenagers overcome their resistance and access the professional help they need. Remember, therapy can be a transformative experience that equips teenagers with the tools to navigate their challenges and thrive in their journey towards adulthood.

If you or your teen need therapy, reach out today. We have immediate openings in our kids and teen clinic!

Understanding the ADHD Brain

By matthew hesselgrave adhd coach, bipolar coach

The Neurochemistry of ADHD: Unraveling the Unique Brain Differences

The human brain is an intricate, multifaceted organ responsible for our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. Neurochemistry, the study of how neurotransmitters and other molecules in the brain influence our cognitive and emotional processes, plays a vital role in understanding various neurodivergent conditions, including Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). In this blog post, we will explore the fascinating world of neurochemistry and the unique differences in the ADHD brain.

Neurotransmitters and ADHD: A Complex Relationship: Neurochemistry hinges on neurotransmitters, chemical messengers that facilitate communication between neurons. In the context of ADHD, several neurotransmitters play a crucial role. Let’s delve into the most prominent ones:

1. Dopamine: The Key Player: Dopamine is often referred to as the “feel-good” neurotransmitter because of its role in reward and pleasure systems. In the ADHD brain, dopamine is of particular significance. Research suggests that individuals with ADHD have altered dopamine levels and receptor activity. Here’s how dopamine is involved:

a. Hypofrontality: Individuals with ADHD often exhibit lower levels of activity in the prefrontal cortex, a brain region crucial for executive functions such as impulse control, attention, and working memory. Dopamine deficits in this region contribute to these symptoms.

b. Reward System Dysregulation: The brain’s reward system relies heavily on dopamine. ADHD individuals might seek instant gratification and reward, leading to impulsive behaviors and a reduced ability to delay rewards.

c. Medication and Dopamine: Many medications used to treat ADHD are designed to increase dopamine levels or improve its utilization in the brain. These medications can help enhance focus and reduce impulsivity.

2. Norepinephrine: The Alertness Neurotransmitter: Norepinephrine, another key neurotransmitter, is essential for maintaining wakefulness and attention. In individuals with ADHD, norepinephrine levels may be imbalanced. Here’s how it influences the condition:

a. Attention and Arousal: Norepinephrine regulates attention and arousal, so itsdysregulation can result in difficulties in maintaining focus and alertness.

3. Serotonin: Mood and Emotions: While serotonin is often associated with mood regulation and emotional well-being, its role in ADHD is not as pronounced as that of dopamine and norepinephrine. Nonetheless, it can influence emotional regulation and impulse control in individuals with ADHD.

ADHD Brain Structure and Neurochemistry: The neurochemistry of the ADHD brain is closely intertwined with its structural differences. Neuroimaging studies have revealed distinct patterns in brain structure and connectivity among individuals with ADHD. Some of the noteworthy findings include:

1. Smaller Prefrontal Cortex: The prefrontal cortex, a region associated with executive functions, is often smaller in individuals with ADHD. This structural difference contributes to challenges in impulse control and attention.

2. Altered Connectivity: Connectivity between various brain regions is also different in ADHD brains. Researchers have noted weaker connections between the prefrontal cortex and other regions responsible for attention, which can affect focus and self- regulation.

3. Corpus Callosum Differences: The corpus callosum, a structure connecting the brain’s hemispheres, exhibits differences in individuals with ADHD. These differences can impact the coordination and communication between the brain’s two halves.

Genetics and Neurochemistry in ADHD: ADHD has a strong genetic component, and genetics can significantly influence neurochemistry in the ADHD brain. Several genes associated with dopamine regulation have been linked to the disorder. While not everyone with these genetic variations develops ADHD, they can contribute to an increased risk.

Environmental Factors and Neurochemistry: Beyond genetics, environmental factors can also impact the neurochemistry of the ADHD brain. Exposure to toxins, maternal smoking during pregnancy, and early life stress can all influence the development and functioning of neurotransmitter systems.

The Impact of Medication: Medications used to treat ADHD, such as stimulants like methylphenidate (Ritalin) and amphetamines (Adderall), primarily target dopamine and norepinephrine systems. These medications help improve focus, impulse control, and hyperactivity by increasing the availability of these neurotransmitters in the brain.

Non-Medication Interventions: While medication can be highly effective, it’s not the only option for managing ADHD. Behavioral interventions, therapy, and lifestyle changes can also have a significant impact on the neurochemistry and overall well- being of individuals with ADHD.

Diet and Nutrition: Certain dietary changes, such as reducing sugar and processed foods, and incorporating more omega-3 fatty acids and protein, can positively influence neurotransmitter levels and, consequently, symptoms of ADHD.

Physical Activity: Regular physical activity has been shown to increase dopamine and norepinephrine levels in the brain, helping to improve attention and mood.

Behavioral Therapy: Behavioral interventions including coaching can teach individuals with ADHD practical strategies for managing their symptoms, enhancing executive function, and improving their overall quality of life.

Understanding the neurochemistry of the ADHD brain is a crucial step in destigmatizing the condition and improving the lives of those affected by it. While ADHD presents unique challenges, it’s also associated with strengths, creativity, and innovation. By recognizing the intricate interplay of neurotransmitters, genetics, and environmental factors in the ADHD brain, we can better support individuals with ADHD, reduce stigma, and develop more effective interventions to help

If you resonated with this information and want to talk further about ADHD and the impacts you are feeling, reach out today.

Parents Guide for Self-Harm in Teens

Understanding and Supporting Your Teen: A Guide for Parents of Self-Harming Adolescents

Parenting is an ever-evolving journey, and as your child transitions into their teenage years, new challenges emerge. Discovering that your adolescent is self-harming can be heart-wrenching and overwhelming. However, it is crucial to remain calm, informed, and supportive during this sensitive time.

The first step in understanding and addressing self-harm is to recognize the signs. . Pay attention to any signs that indicate your teen may be struggling internally.

1. Unexplained frequent cuts, bruises, burns, or other injuries, particularly on the wrists, arms, or thighs.

2. Wearing concealing clothing, even in warm weather, to hide injuries.

3. Isolation and withdrawal from friends, family, and social activities.

4. Difficulties in expressing emotions or a tendency to downplay or dismiss emotional pain.

5. Low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, or self-hatred.

6. Increased irritability, anger, or mood swings.

7. Changes in sleep patterns, such as insomnia or excessive sleeping.

8. Engaging in risk-taking behaviors or appearing more impulsive.

9. Unexplained or frequent visits to first aid supplies or sharp objects, such as razors or knives.

10. Noticeable changes in eating habits, such as sudden weight loss or gain.

11. Keeping a journal or artwork that seems to focus on self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or self-destructive behaviors.

12. Talking about self-harm or suicide, even if it's indirectly or in a joking manner.

13. Preoccupation with death, dying, or self-destructive themes.

14. Hiding or avoiding conversations about emotions, mental health, or personal struggles.

15. Exhibiting signs of depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.

It's important to note that these signs alone don't necessarily mean someone is self-harming, but if you notice multiple signs or suspect someone may be engaging in self-harm, it is crucial to express concern and seek help for them.

Opening the Channels of Communication:

Effective communication forms the foundation for addressing and healing self-harming behaviors. Create a safe and judgment-free space where your teenager can express their emotions openly. Practice active listening, empathy, and refrain from offering immediate solutions. Instead, encourage your teen to share their experiences at their own pace, helping them to feel heard and understood.

Educate Yourself:

Empower yourself with knowledge about self-harm, its causes, and potential underlying issues. Understand that self-harm is often a coping mechanism for emotional pain, rather than a direct attempt at suicide. By learning about self-harm, its triggers, and the psychological aspects associated with it, you can better support your teen and reduce stigma.

Seek Professional Help:

While it is essential to provide support at home, realizing that you cannot address this issue alone is vital. Reach out to a counselor who is experienced in adolescent psychology and self-harm. These experts will guide you and your teen through the healing process, offering appropriate help and support necessary for recovery.

Promote Healthy Coping Mechanisms:

Identify alternative outlets for emotional expression and help your teen develop healthy coping mechanisms. Encourage them to explore creative outlets like art, writing, or playing a musical instrument. Engage in physical activities together, such as exercising, dancing, or participating in sports. Emphasize the importance of fostering a strong support system through positive peer relationships.

Reducing Access to Self-Harm Triggers:

Make your home a safer environment by reducing access to potentially harmful objects. Lock away sharp items, medications, or anything else that could be used for self-harming purposes. Consider installing monitoring software or filters on electronic devices to help protect your teen from triggering online content.

Witnessing your child engage in self-harm is undoubtedly one of the most distressing experiences a parent can face. However, it is important to remember that healing is possible. By understanding the signs, fostering open communication, seeking professional help, and promoting healthy coping mechanisms, you can provide the necessary support for your teen to overcome self-harm. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. Together, we can help our adolescents find healthier ways to navigate their struggles and eventually emerge stronger and more resilient. If you would like support for you or your teen, reach out today.

Generational Trauma: What if some of what we are experiencing did not start with us?

Generational trauma refers to the transmission of trauma from one generation to the next. It is the idea that the effects of trauma can be passed down through genetics, behaviors, and family dynamics. This concept suggests that trauma experienced by one generation can impact the mental, emotional, and even physical well-being of subsequent generations.

Different ways in which generational trauma can manifest, such as through the perpetuation of abusive behaviors, the development of mental health issues, or the adoption of maladaptive coping mechanisms. For the sake of this blog we will be looking at maladaptive behaviors.

Adoption of maladaptive coping mechanisms can be a result of generational trauma. When individuals experience trauma, they may develop coping mechanisms to help them deal with the overwhelming emotions and stress. However, if these coping mechanisms are maladaptive, meaning they do not effectively address the trauma or contribute to long-term healing, they can be passed down to future generations. This can create a cycle of unhealthy coping strategies that perpetuate the effects of trauma. 

Maladaptive coping mechanisms are behaviors or strategies that individuals use to deal with stress or difficult emotions, but they are ultimately ineffective or harmful in the long run. Some examples of maladaptive coping mechanisms include:

1. Substance abuse: Using drugs or alcohol as a way to escape or numb emotional pain.

2. Self-harm: Engaging in self-injury, such as cutting or burning oneself, as a way to cope with emotional distress.

3. Avoidance: Avoiding or withdrawing from situations or people that trigger negative emotions, instead of facing and addressing them.

4. Denial: Refusing to acknowledge or accept the reality of a situation, which can prevent individuals from seeking help or making positive changes.

5. Emotional eating: Using food as a way to cope with stress or emotions, leading to unhealthy eating habits and potential weight gain.

6. Excessive spending: Engaging in impulsive or excessive shopping as a way to temporarily feel better, but ultimately leading to financial problems.

7. Procrastination: Putting off tasks or responsibilities until the last minute, which can lead to increased stress and negative consequences.

8. Isolation: Withdrawing from social interactions and relationships, which can contribute to feelings of loneliness and depression.

These are just a few examples, and it's important to note that everyone copes with stress differently. However, when coping mechanisms become maladaptive, they can interfere with daily functioning and overall well-being.

Healing from generational trauma in therapy can be a complex process, but there are several approaches that can be effective. Some common therapeutic techniques used to address generational trauma include:

1. Trauma-focused therapy: This type of therapy focuses specifically on addressing and processing traumatic experiences. Techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and somatic experiencing may be used.

2. Narrative therapy: This approach involves exploring and reframing the stories and narratives that individuals and families have about their trauma. By examining and challenging these narratives, individuals can gain a new perspective and create a more empowering narrative for themselves.

3. Mindfulness and meditation: These practices can help individuals develop a greater sense of self-awareness and regulate their emotions. Asking the question of “Is this something I believe?” and pausing gives the body the opportunity to begin to question if thoughts and behaviors that have lived with them for a long time are even theirs.

It's important to note that healing from generational trauma is a deeply personal journey, and what works for one person may not work for another. Here at Thrive Counseling Kirkland we are trauma informed and available to tailor the treatment approach to your specific needs and goals. Healing and Freedom are possible.  You can shift the trajectory of your present,  future and those that come behind you.  

How do I hold onto myself in a relationship?

Differentiation in Relationships

By Lindsay Deiley MA, LMHCA

What is differentiation and why is it important to know about in the context of relationships? Differentiation is a concept that holds that there are two opposing forces operating at the same time in every relationship: our desire to be together or to belong to another, and our desire to be autonomous and individual.

In relationships, we want to strive for a healthy level of differentiation—meaning, we want to be able to be flexible between these two forces, and not become rigid in always operating in one of these two spaces. If we are poorly differentiated, we typically become either-or in our response to relationships; we either lose ourselves into the attachment and minimize ourselves, or we feel suffocated and withdraw from the relationship, thinking that is the only way to hold onto ourselves. Striving for differentiation does not mean striving for independence and not needing anybody else. And it also does not mean striving to belong to someone so fully that you lose your sense of who you are or deny your importance in favor of the other person. It means finding a way that you can show up in relationships “big and together”—in other words, how can I grow in my ability to be comfortable in a relationship where I offer who I am authentically and want the other person to choose me for who I am? And how do I see my partner for who they really are, not who I want or “need” them to be?

Looking at it from this differentiation lens, in relationships, we should strive to be developmentally mature individuals who are responsible for our own growth and own self-soothing. The place of our partner is not to make us comfortable or provide us with validation that bolsters our insecure sense of self or flailing self-esteem. Rather, it is someone who respects and cherishes who we are, trusts us to move towards our own growth, and is honored to accompany us on the journey of life toward greater meaning, joy, and integration. The perspective of differentiation says that intimacy is honesty, not placation or validation or reassurance. It argues that, if your relationship becomes based on the expectation your partner will offer those things to you, it puts an unfair strain on the relationship that it is not designed to bear. After all, our partners are fully human, just like us. They are not gods or perfect parents.

At one time, we did need a perfect parent to make us feel safe in the world. But as adults, is it the duty of other adult partners to continue to provide that? Or, is it on us to grieve the unconditional love and care we may not have received as infants, and to step bravely into the vulnerability of choosing to love ourselves unconditionally, before we expect anyone else to do it for us?

If you are feeling stuck in your relationship and want to find more balance on this spectrum of individuality and togetherness, reach out to Thrive today!

Overcoming Your Ghosting Habits: Moving Towards Improved Communication

Ghosting has become an all-too-common behavior in today's digital age. Whether it's online dating, friendships, or professional relationships, many of us have either been ghosted or have been guilty of ghosting others. While it's easy to justify our actions due to fear, discomfort, or simply not knowing how to communicate, ghosting can inflict emotional harm on others and hinder our personal growth. Today we are exploring how to overcome the habit of ghosting others and learn healthier ways of communicating and dealing with uncomfortable situations.

1. Reflect on your behavior:
   The first step towards improvement is self-awareness. Take a moment to honestly reflect on your ghosting tendencies. Consider the emotions and consequences ghosting can have on the recipient, and how it makes you feel afterwards. Recognize that ghosting is essentially avoiding confrontation or difficult conversations, which prevents the possibility of growth and understanding for both parties involved.

2. Evaluate your motives:
   Understanding your motives behind ghosting is essential for overcoming this habit. Are you afraid of confrontation? Do you find it difficult to express your true feelings? Identifying these underlying reasons will help you address them directly.

3. Develop empathy:
   Empathy is crucial in breaking the cycle of ghosting. Put yourself in the other person's shoes to understand the impact your behavior might have had on them. Realizing the negative effects of ghosting can motivate you to change your ways and value the emotions and time of others.

4. Find alternative communication methods:
   Instead of resorting to ghosting, take the time to explore alternative communication methods. Initiating an honest conversation, whether in person or online, can provide both parties with closure and an opportunity to express their feelings. Be prepared for discomfort, but remember that it's a necessary discomfort for personal growth.

5. Practice active listening:
   Once you've decided to communicate, actively listen to the other person's perspective without interruption or judgment. Pay attention to their feelings and validate them, even if they may differ from your own. Active listening helps foster open and honest communication, paving the way for resolution or understanding.

6. Embrace vulnerability:
   Overcoming ghosting often involves being vulnerable. Opening up about your own fears and insecurities can establish a sense of trust and empathy between you and the person you previously ghosted. By showing vulnerability, you not only create space for healing but also encourage the other person to reflect on their own emotions.

7. Learn from each experience:
   Recognize that overcoming ghosting is not an overnight process. Each new experience provides an opportunity to learn and grow. Take note of the emotions and thoughts that arise before, during, and after having difficult conversations. Use these insights to identify patterns and work on overcoming fear and discomfort.

8. Avoid an emotional volcano:

   Ignoring your feelings and pushing your emotions down often leads to an eruption. If you have a history of disappearing from relationships, where did you push your feelings aside? When did the relationship become something that was easier to walk away from vs facing the uncomfortable of addressing it?

   
   Ghosting is a habit that prevents genuine connections and growth. However, by reflecting on our behavior, developing empathy, practicing active listening, and embracing vulnerability, we can shift towards healthier communication habits. Remember, building meaningful relationships requires effort and open dialogue, so let's make an effort to overcome ghosting and foster stronger connections with those around us. If you are noticing that you have a pattern of ghosting out of relationships, you do not have to continue this pattern. We can help you unravel where this was a survival skill that once stood to protect you but is now causing more heartache and harm. You do not have to navigate this alone.

Why Do People Ghost? Unraveling the Mystery Behind Sudden Disappearances in Relationships

In the intricate tapestry of human relationships, there exists a behavior that has puzzled many - ghosting. This phenomenon, where one person abruptly cuts off all communication with another, can leave the recipient feeling confused, hurt, and questioning their worth. However, it's essential to approach this topic from a therapeutic standpoint to understand the underlying motivations behind ghosting.

One possible explanation for ghosting in friendships revolves around the avoidance of confrontation and uncomfortable conversations. Some individuals may struggle to express their feelings, concerns, or dissatisfaction with the friendship directly. For them, it becomes a daunting task to engage in difficult discussions, leading them to opt for a complete cessation of contact instead.

In certain scenarios, ghosting stems from conflict avoidance. Individuals may fear disagreements or arguments that could arise within the friendship. Rather than confront these challenges, they believe that abruptly ending the connection is the easiest way out. Unfortunately, this behavior can prevent necessary communication and hinder growth within the friendship.

Another reason people might choose to ghost is due to a lack of interest or investment. Some individuals lose enthusiasm for maintaining the relationship and no longer feel motivated to put in the effort required. This lack of motivation leads them to withdraw without providing any explanation, leaving their friend feeling shocked and abandoned.

Life's circumstances can also unintentionally lead to ghosting. Major life changes or personal challenges, such as mental health issues, busy schedules, or significant events, can cause individuals to withdraw from social interactions. Although not intentional, ghosting can still cause pain for the person left behind.

Additionally, communication style or habit can play a role in ghosting. For some individuals, abruptly cutting off contact when they no longer wish to engage in a friendship is a habitual pattern. They might have a tendency to avoid difficult conversations, making ghosting their preferred method of ending relationships.

However, it is crucial to remember that if you find yourself being ghosted, it is not a reflection of your worth or value as a friend. Rather, it is a reflection of the other person's behavior and choices. During this difficult time, focus on nurturing other friendships, practicing self-care, and seeking support from those who genuinely value and appreciate your friendship.

On the subject of dating, ghosting remains an enigma that many encounter. When it comes to romantic relationships, ghosting can happen for similar reasons, although the dynamics differ slightly.

Conflict avoidance often plays a significant role in ghosting within romantic relationships. People might choose this path to avoid uncomfortable conversations, including potential conflicts or breakups. Expressing their feelings, ending the relationship directly, or confronting any challenges that have arisen can be particularly challenging for them.

At the heart of ghosting in dating lies the fear of confrontation or rejection. The person who chooses to ghost may dread the other person's reaction, subsequent rejection, or the emotional intensity that might arise from ending the relationship. Rather than facing those potential difficulties head-on, they opt for disappearing altogether.

Similarly to friendship ghosting, a loss of interest or investment can explain ghosting in romantic relationships. The one who ghosts may have lost their passion for the relationship or simply no longer be invested in it. They might not find it necessary to communicate their change in feelings or intentions and instead choose to withdraw without explanation.

Emotional immaturity or an avoidance of emotional responsibility can also be underlying reasons for ghosting in romantic relationships. Individuals who struggle with handling difficult emotions or navigating the complexities of ending a relationship may resort to ghosting as an escape route.

Lastly, life's circumstances can unintentionally lead to ghosting even in romantic relationships. Personal challenges, mental health issues, family or work-related stress, and significant life transitions can cause individuals to withdraw from the relationship without explanation.

Remember, if you find yourself being ghosted in dating, it is essential to separate their behavior from your own worth or value as a romantic partner. Focus on practicing self-care, seeking support from friends or a therapist, and engaging in activities that promote healing and personal growth.

Navigating the complexities of human relationships can be challenging, and ghosting is undoubtedly a painful experience. Therapy can be helpful in providing insight into the motivations behind this behavior. It is important to remember that while ghosting is hurtful, it is ultimately a reflection of the other person's choices and actions. Stay true to yourself, invest in nurturing connections that value your presence, and prioritize your wellbeing above all else. Being ghosted does not reflect your worth. Likewise, if you are someone who has a pattern of ghosting, you do not have to continue this pattern, working with a therapist can help uncover what the drivers are that lead to ghosting for you. You do not have to navigate this alone. We are here for you.

Stay tuned for Part 3: Overcoming Your Ghosting Habits: Moving Towards Improved Communication

Navigating Ghosting: Understanding the Signs and Healing From the Experience

Being ghosted can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and unsure of your worth. It's important to recognize the signs of ghosting and take steps to heal from the experience. In this blog, we will explore the common signs of ghosting, guidelines for determining when to stop reaching out, and how therapy can help you process your emotions and develop healthy coping strategies.

Signs of Ghosting:
Being aware of the signs of ghosting can help you navigate the experience more effectively. Here are some common signs to look out for:

1. Lack of response: If the person you have been communicating with suddenly stops responding without any valid reason, it could be a sign of ghosting. The absence of communication can leave you feeling confused and wondering what went wrong.

2. Change in communication patterns: If there was consistent and frequent communication before, but it suddenly becomes sporadic or non-existent, it may suggest that you are being ghosted. Recognizing this change can help you make sense of the situation.

3. Ignoring attempts to reach out: When you have made multiple attempts to contact the person, but they consistently ignore or avoid responding, it could be an indication of ghosting. This lack of acknowledgement can be hurtful and frustrating.

4. Social media activity: If the person is active on social media platforms but does not respond to your messages, it might suggest that they are intentionally avoiding you. This behavior can add to the confusion and hurt associated with ghosting.

When to Stop Reaching Out:
Determining when to stop reaching out can be challenging. While every situation is unique, here are some general guidelines to consider:

1. Give it some time: It's important to allow a reasonable amount of time for a response before assuming you are being ghosted. People may have various reasons for not responding promptly, such as being busy or dealing with personal issues.

2. Assess the context: Consider the nature of your relationship and the communication patterns you had before suspecting ghosting. If there was consistent and frequent communication in the past, a sudden and prolonged lack of response may be a sign of ghosting.

3. Trust your instincts: If you have a strong gut feeling that you are being ghosted and have made multiple attempts to reach out without any response, it may be an indication that it's time to stop reaching out. Trusting your instincts can guide you in making the best decision for your well-being.

4. Prioritize your well-being: Continuously reaching out to someone who is not reciprocating can be emotionally draining. It's essential to prioritize your own well-being and not invest excessive energy into a one-sided relationship. Redirect your focus and energy towards relationships that are more mutually supportive.

Seeking Support in Therapy:
Recognizing and processing the emotions associated with being ghosted is crucial for healing. Therapists can provide a safe and nonjudgmental space to explore these feelings. In therapy, you can:

• Explore coping strategies: Therapists can help you develop healthy coping strategies to navigate through the emotions that arise from being ghosted. These strategies can include self-care practices, managing negative thoughts, and finding healthy ways to express your emotions.

• Build resilience: Therapy can help build resilience, empowering you to bounce back from the experience of being ghosted. Developing resilience involves enhancing your ability to adapt and grow from challenging situations, ultimately increasing your emotional well-being.

• Develop healthy communication skills: Addressing any difficulties or insecurities in communication can help you in future relationships. Therapy can provide a space to explore your communication patterns, learn effective strategies, and improve your ability to express yourself assertively.

  
  Being ghosted can be a painful experience, but it's important to remember that it is not a reflection of your worth. Recognizing the signs of ghosting, setting boundaries, and seeking support in therapy can aid in your healing process. Remember, healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, open communication, and honesty. By prioritizing your well-being, you can navigate the complexities of being ghosted and develop healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the future.

  If you are struggling with the abrupt and confusing ending of a relationship, we are here to help you heal and to empower you in who you are.

Stay tuned for Part 2: Why Do People Ghost? Unraveling the Mystery Behind Sudden Disappearances in Relationships

Why do I need an ADHD coach?

ADHD coaching and therapy are both valuable approaches to addressing ADHD, but they serve different purposes and can be used in conjunction with each other. Here are some reasons why coaching may be preferred over therapy for ADHD:

1. Focus on practical strategies: ADHD coaching typically focuses on developing practical strategies and skills to manage ADHD symptoms and improve daily functioning. Coaching provides specific tools, techniques, and action plans to help individuals with ADHD overcome challenges and achieve their goals.

2. Personalized support: A coach can provide personalized support tailored to your specific needs and challenges related to ADHD. They can help you identify your strengths, areas for improvement, and develop strategies to manage your symptoms effectively.

3. Goal-oriented approach: Coaching is often goal-oriented and future-focused. It helps individuals set specific goals and work towards achieving them. This can be particularly beneficial for individuals with ADHD who may struggle with long-term planning and staying focused on their objectives. A coach can assist you in setting realistic goals and creating action plans to achieve them. They can break down larger goals into smaller, manageable steps and provide accountability to help you stay on track. This can be particularly helpful for individuals with ADHD who may struggle with organization, time management, and follow-through.

4. Accountability and structure: ADHD coaching provides accountability and structure, which can be especially helpful for individuals with ADHD who may struggle with organization, time management, and follow-through. Coaches help clients stay on track, monitor progress, and provide support and encouragement along the way.

5. Skill-building and self-empowerment: Coaching focuses on developing skills and strategies that empower individuals with ADHD to take control of their lives. It helps individuals identify their strengths, build self-confidence, and develop effective coping mechanisms. A coach can teach you practical skills and strategies to manage your ADHD symptoms and overcome challenges. They can provide techniques for improving focus and attention, time management strategies, organization methods, and stress reduction techniques, among others. These skills can help you navigate daily tasks more efficiently and enhance your overall functioning.  Coaching encourages individuals to become active participants in their own growth and development.

6. Practical support for daily life: ADHD coaching can provide practical support and guidance for managing everyday challenges related to ADHD, such as time management, organization, and task prioritization. Coaches can help individuals develop personalized systems and routines to improve daily functioning.

7. Emotional support and motivation: Dealing with ADHD can be emotionally challenging at times. A coach can offer emotional support, encouragement, and motivation throughout your journey. They can help you navigate any frustrations, setbacks, or self-doubt that may arise and provide guidance to help you maintain a positive mindset.

8. Complementary to therapy: ADHD coaching can be used in conjunction with therapy to provide a comprehensive approach to addressing ADHD. By providing additional support and practical strategies to help you manage your symptoms and improve your overall functioning. A coach can empower you to take control of your life, build self-confidence, and make positive changes.

It's important to note that the choice between coaching and therapy for ADHD may depend on individual preferences, needs, and goals. Some individuals may find a combination of both coaching and therapy to be most beneficial for managing their ADHD symptoms and improving their overall well-being.

Our ADHD Coach Matthew Hesslegrave is available to meet in-person in Kirkland, WA and via telehealth for those that are not local and out of state.

SCHEDULE WITH MATTHEW

The Anxiety Opportunity

By Lindsay Deiley MA, LMHCA

Have you ever struggled with anxiety and wondered what your anxiety is telling you? First, let’s talk about what anxiety is. Anxiety is similar to but distinct from the emotion of fear. Fear is a feeling of doom, unease, or apprehensiveness in response to imminent danger, to a known or specific threat that you can see on the horizon. Anxiety is a feeling of doom, unease, or apprehensiveness when no immediate danger is present, when you’re in the face of an unknown or poorly defined threat.  

Fear used to be a protective and advantageous emotion that emerged in response to an immediate threat. The emotion of fear prompts our nervous system to take a defensive action to fight, flight, freeze, cry for help, or feign death. We should be grateful for the emotion of fear because it mobilizes our bodies to defend ourselves and equips us to preserve our lives. However, we no longer live in the same environment that people generations ago did. In a way, thanks to technology, social media, and globalization, we are constantly bombarded by situations that seem threatening to our sense of safety and stability—no matter how minor they are—thus activating our nervous system’s fear response. Over time, if this fear response is constantly activated, it can become a chronic state of anxiety.

I like to think of it as a protective part of us that forms in anticipation of something bad possibly happening in the future, even though nothing bad is happening right now. It’s a part of us that is so highly attuned to all the possible things that could go wrong in the world, that it decides to be present 24/7, to try to “get ahead” or “plan for” the bad things that can happen. It attempts to assume a higher level of control to protect us, but in doing so, sacrifices present-moment joy and contentedness, in order to always be on guard. It sacrifices peace in order to never experience powerlessness or experience being blind-sided. As a result, we can develop a love-hate relationship with this part of us. On one hand, we are grateful for the way our anxiety helps us prepare for and tackle situations when they come. Our anxiety gives us the illusion of having more power and control in a very chaotic and painful world around us. On the other hand, it robs us of momentary joy, and our nervous systems are unable to relax in the present moment. This wreaks havoc on our nervous systems, our bodies and health, our ability to be close to others and find pleasure in relationships, and our ability to take risks and play. Ideally, we want to be able to trust that this part of us will turn on in response to a threat, but will also stand down when no immediate threat is on the horizon. We want to keep this part of us, but integrate it back into our nervous systems as a healthy, immediate fear response; and encourage it to stand back or relax as a chronically anxious, overly controlling anxiety response. If we want to change our chronic anxiety, how do we begin to relate to this part of ourselves differently when we notice it coming up?

Author Curtis Chang, who wrote The Anxiety Opportunity offers a unique perspective on how to make sense of this anxious part of ourselves and begin to relate to it differently. He describes anxiety as an indicator of how we relate to our suffering in life. In other words, typically, we try to do anything other than go headfirst into our suffering, and anxiety emerges when we want to avoid our suffering, rather than go through it. He coined an “algorithm” for anxiety, which he defines as anxiety = loss/suffering x avoidance. In other words, he proposes that anxiety emerges and increases to the degree that we try to avoid experiencing, feeling, and being in our loss or suffering. He says that there are 2 ways that we can avoid suffering. First, in the typical sense, we can avoid looking at it or be in denial that it exists. Or, second, we can seem like we are looking at our problem, but we are actually trying to turn it over and over again until we find the solution that will make the problem or pain go away or resolve. And ultimately, a problem or resolution can never be found, so we continue to ruminate or obsess indefinitely. This happens because we are afraid to face the suffering or loss from a place of powerlessness, and so use anxiety in the form of control as a way to avoid dealing with it.

So next time you feel your anxiety creeping up, maybe a way of looking at it is to say, what pain or loss am I feeling right now? Or what pain or loss am I afraid would show up if my anxiety stepped back momentarily? When I encounter loss or suffering, do I tend to avoid it completely, or try to step into the illusion of control and ruminate about it, hoping for a solution or ending to the pain or uncertainty? Am I afraid to experience these emotions on my own, does it feel too big for me to carry on my own?

If these questions resonate with you, or prompt you to want to dig deeper into understanding yourself and your own anxiety, please reach out! We at Thrive are here to help you find peace and rest in the presence of an attuned and caring listener.

From The Anxiety Opportunity by Curtis Chang

ADD/ADHD Coaching Towards Success

By Matthew Hesselgrave, coach

Coaching someone with ADD/ADHD towards success.

Hi, my name is Matthew and I’m a Mental Health Life Coach. I have also been living with ADD for 44 years, have 2 children with ADHD so, I understand the challenges. One of the many important things I’ve learned over the years and in talking with others who struggle is the importance of overcoming some of the most common obstacles that can block progress in dealing with the condition especially immediately after being diagnosed.

So, you or someone you love has just been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. You got the meds. What now? What follows are some of the challenges we must overcome to create a life worth living.

Overcoming the stigma

You are not defective – any more than someone with diabetes is defective. You have a chemical imbalance just like someone with diabetes. Everyone has some challenge in life and those challenges can be overcome.

You are not lazy – in fact you are highly motivated but lack the brain chemistry to sustain focus on things that don’t interest you. The key is learning the skills necessary to “push through” and achieve your goals.

You have a medical condition – it is a neurotransmitter imbalance in the brain and is universally recognized as a psychological disorder by the CDC, WHO, American Department of Education and the American Psychiatric Association and is listed in the DSM-V, the official mental health “bible” of psychiatric disorders.

You are not stupid – in fact you are likely highly intelligent. You just have trouble focusing and require different learning structures.

You need medication – remember you have neurotransmitter/neurochemical imbalance and meds supplement that chemical deficiency in the same way a diabetic uses insulin to correct their chemical deficiency.

You can be successful – in fact many people with ADD/ADHD are successful. You just need to find “your thing” – the thing that grabs and keeps your attention. The thing you stay up at night thinking about. Leveraging that thing makes a huge difference both in self-esteem and in feeling successful.

Overcoming negative self-talk. Stop lying to yourself!

“I’m using my ADHD diagnosis as an excuse for failure” – but there is a difference between an excuse and legitimate reason. We have a medical condition which requires treatment. It starts with meds, counseling and coaching. We can learn new skills and set goals which will help us succeed. The onlyfailure is not to try.

“I’ll never be self-disciplined” – yes, it may be harder for us to focus and stick to things especially if those things don’t hold our interest. But self-discipline is a learned skill and with effort and coaching we can learn to practice the art of self-discipline.

“I can’t be successful” – by who’s measure? There is always a temptation to compare ourselves with others who are neuro-typical, but we are really good at many things; it is a matter of focusing on our strengths and finding success in what interests us.

“I’ll never be like everyone else” – so what? I love the saying “you do you,” it is freeing to be yourself. Think of all the athletes, musicians and artists you look up to, are they like everyone else? We are unique and possess abilities few others do: we can focus intently on what interests us. We can be outgoing. We are creative. We are empathetic. We are driven. We are problem solvers. And many of us have a great sense of humor.

“I’m just not cut out for school” – but we are capable of learning. School is a means to an end. It prepares us for our future. Sometimes it requires special accommodations to be successful. And sometimes it requires learning new skills or a different way of studying. Sometimes success is found in other educational opportunities like trade school. And sometimes we just have to do our best to get through it. Sometimes we need a coach to encourage us, help set realistic goals and develop a plan.

“I’ll never amount to anything” – WRONG! There are so many successful people out there with ADD/ADHD. Ever heard of Bill Gates or Richard Branson? How about Emma Watson, Jim Carrey, Justin Timberlake or Kurt Cobain? How about Michael Jordan, Caitlyn Jenner, Pete Rose or Greg Lemond? Or maybe you have heard of Markiplier, Erin Brockovich-Ellis, JBAverage or David Blaine. They are all famous, successful and are from every walk of life. Check out this link to read about 100 of them!

Overcoming side effects of the meds

“I don’t feel the same when I’m on my meds.” This was the main complaint of my son, Wes, when he began to take his ADD medication. My heart went out to him. Normally, Wes is outgoing, gregarious and funny but on his meds, he felt 50% of his “normal” self. So often dealing with side effects is a catch 22 – we lose our appetites, we often can’t sleep, and we hyper-focus and miss what is going on around us, we are impulsive or like my son we feel less ourselves. But what’s the alternative? For Wes it was poor school and work performance, trouble concentrating and frustration at trying to keep up. It also caused relationship problems by being in his own world. For others its mood changes, inability to keep a job, feeling out of control, being irresponsible, underperforming and all the self-esteem and shame issues that accompany those things.

For many of us, including my son, the negatives outweigh the positives. So, what can we do? First, not all drugs work the same for everyone. For Wes we tried at least 4-5 meds in several categories before finding the one with the least side effects. This took over a year as each med had to be tried for 30-60 days to evaluate its effectiveness. It was hard but the outcome is worth it. Wes is living his best life.

Second, we need help. We need to develop a support system that include family, friends, prescribing doctors/psychiatrists/ARNP’s, counselors and/or life coaches to walk with us through the difficulties ahead, providing support and encouragement as well as help navigating the challenges of the side effects.

Finally, here’s the good news: the side effects eventually diminish and for many go away altogether. And those that don’t can be managed.

Overcoming relationship problems

It can be particularly hard for people with ADHD to have successful long-term relationships. But that does not mean we can’t have them, it just takes some work, I believe we are made for relationships, and they are worth fighting for. So often our relationships become adversarial. This is true for parent child relationships and marriage relationships as well. Some of the challenges our partners or parents face in living with us are; we can be poor listeners, easily distracted, forgetful, impulsive, prone to emotional outbursts, and at times insensitive.

Despite this our relationships are not destined to fail or always be in crisis. Sometimes we just need to slow down and put in the time and attention required to build up our relationships. In fact, our ability to focus can be a real asset when directed onto our relationships. We can learn to love and love well.

It starts with recognizing that ADHD is the problem and not the person with the condition. It is helpful to develop a team approach to contending with the condition that focus’ on a deep understanding of the ins and outs of living with ADHD, gaining good communication skills, building a strong commitment to each other and to the relationship, developing a mutual compassion for each other – for the one with ADHD and the one who has to live with them, and a willingness to do whatever it takes to succeed. This includes taking medication and may include regular CBT counseling, couples or family counseling and meeting with a life coach to set goals, build new skills, talk through the challenges, and provide accountability. Parents may need to learn how to set boundaries, create predictable routines, and establish a system of consequences and rewards for their children, as well as learning how to understand, empathize, support and encourage their child.

Living with ADD/ADHD can be hard both for the one with the condition and the one who loves them. Like everything in life that is worth having, relationships take work. For more information on relationships, please read these articles:

ADHD and Relationships

Parenting with ADHD

Parenting a Child with ADHD

If you want to talk further about what coaching can look like for you, please reach out. You do not have to navigate this alone, we are here to support you on the journey towards freedom and fullness.

SCHEDULE WITH MATTHEW

Why Mental Health Coaching for Bi-Polar?

Why do I need a Mental Health Life Coach for Bi-Polar or any other mental health disorder?

By Matthew Hesselgrave, ADHD and Bi-Polar Coach

I have been working with Elizabeth (pseudonym) for about a year now. She was diagnosed with bi-polar type 2 eighteen months ago and has experienced the typical cycling between long depressions, lasting several weeks, punctuated by the hypomanic states lasting several days to a couple weeks. Understandably, she often felt out of control being pushed and pulled between the polls and wondered if she’d ever feel “normal” again. In fact she had lost sight of what normal was altogether. Outside of her depressed and hypomanic states she felt scared, sad and angry over her tenuous stability and lived in a constant state of anxiety waiting for the next cycle to upend her world.

She is seeing a psychiatrist for medication but is experiencing added ups and downs of the “try this – try that”, find the right medication regimen, which adds to the anxiety and uncertainty. She has also been doing therapy for deeper psychological exploration, but feels it isn’t very helpful, as she has for the most part healthy relationships and attachments and very little – if any – past psychological trauma.

She began to see me as her Mental Health Life Coach when she heard that I have been living with bi-polar for over 25 years and have the lived experience of managing the illness. As we traveled the rough terrain of her bi-polar journey I have helped her find her “new normal” and learn to ride out some of the ups and downs both in terms of cycles and of life, helping her set goals, gain perspective, acquire education and practice new skills useful in contending with her bi-polar reality. She is beginning to feel like she is getting her life back and is starting to recognize her triggers and when she starts to swing. She is still struggling with meds, side effects and trying to understand if this one or that one is helping or not, but we are talking, tracking, recording and researching options to keep her psychiatrist well informed of her progress and goals.

Elizabeth is my ideal client and a nearly perfect example of how the right coach can help manage mental health problems. A life coach can be a critical part of a care team both as a coach providing encouragement and practical skills necessary to manage the illness, but also as an advocate for the client, who is often unable to effectively self-advocate with mental health professionals, especially prescribing doctors and psychiatrists.

It is important for me to help my clients recognize that a bi-polar diagnosis is not the end of the world and to see the light on the horizon that comes from effectively managing the illness. Hope is critical and so hard to find especially in the first few months of the diagnosis. A coach can help clients find that hope and even learn not just to survive a mental health reality but to thrive in it. I myself am a prime example.

My own story starts in late 1998 when I began to experience crippling bouts of depression that lasted for several months at a time. I was treated with anti-depressants which never seemed to help for very long and inevitably the depression came back worse. Eventually it would go away only to reappear some months later. This happened over and over for years. Finally, in 2003 after almost giving up, I received the bi-polar 2 diagnosis and was given my first somewhat effective regimen of meds. But predictably the meds had life impacting side effects. And it was another 2 years to get the right combo which allowed me to function “normally”. Meanwhile I had to learn to maintain a job, support my growing family and l function despite my illness. It was a lonely path and IT WASN’T EASY!

In trying to find help I went to one unhelpful therapist after another who mostly wanted to excavate my past, spend endless sessions talking or offered shallow advice and useless self-help programs. Finally, in 2008 I found a wonderful psychiatric nurse practitioner who brought the right combination of evidence based advice and medication on board, so that I really started feeling grounded and stable for the first time in 11 years! I remained reasonably stable for 3 years before I hit another rough patch. Unfortunately, my nurse practitioner retired and moved away so I went through several other mental health professionals trying to find that elusive combination of just right counseling and prescriptions. It was several additional years until I once again found another talented psychiatric nurse practitioner who worked with me for 3 years. Her philosophy was a no-compromise approach to mental health, she tweaked and tweaked the meds until they worked with little to no side effects. She got me off some harmful meds. And she coached me in many practical ways until I eventually reached my optimal level of mental health satisfaction.

That was 2018 and I’ve sustained that optimal level of mental health ever since. What I’ve learned through my own mental health journey, I bring to my coaching sessions. I’ve been in the trenches and have learned what works and what doesn’t. The coaching I received from my nurse practitioners was evidence based, practical, goal orientated, encouraging and hopeful. It came from their own experiences in life and practice.

I model my own approach to coaching after the coaching I received from them. No, I obviously can’t and won’t give medication advice but I can help my clients research and educate themselves on what the best therapies and practices are. I can encourage them to maintain hope for the right combo of meds being found. I can advise them to listen to their own bodies and explain how to report side effects and efficacy. I can encourage them to set and take charge of their own mental health goals. And like what was done for me, I can offer evidence based advice, listen to their struggles, help them find hope and a path forward and when appropriate I can relate my own experiences letting them know they are not alone.

You are not alone. Whether or not you are feeling hopeful, I am for you. I have a roadmap for us that leads to freedom and fullness in your life.

SCHEDULE WITH MATTHEW