By ashley Bryan MS, lmhca
There has been a lot of ugliness in the world recently. Rates for people struggling with depression have skyrocketed. We struggle to find joy – to be fulfilled. The easiest answer is that there are no places left to find this level of happiness, but is that really true?
One of my favorite questions to ask my clients is simple: what are your values? I can typically get a quick answer – surely we have worked through this in our lifetime. Friends, family, love, health, wealth…. Easy right? I find it is often much more complex. It is a question that we have become so quick to answer that we don’t typically look for understanding of it at a greater level. Why do I value these things? What do they bring into my life? And more importantly, how do I live INTENTIONALLY and REGULARLY in alignment with them? I find that the answers to these questions are where we find joy and fulfillment.
It's common to believe that by simply recognizing things we feel are important, we are living a full life, but because of our nature to live in a fast paced world, it is often without any thought or intention and rather just “going through the motions.” One might say, I value family – I see family regularly – therefore I am living in alignment. I urge you to consider when the last time was that you recognized that seeing family makes you feel connected and loved and therefore you made a plan to do something with a family member with the intention to fulfill the needs behind that action. In order to live in alignment with your values, these things are vital.
RECOGNIZE your values: This is the starting point. We assess what things bring value to our life. Is it really family, friends, health and wealth? Of course they are important, but are they the values that, when met, fulfill our needs? What will you feel if you incorporate this value more often?
PLAN accordingly: Once you recognize these values, make a plan about what actions you can take to live in alignment with them. If you value health, what three things might you do this week to live a healthy lifestyle? Maybe you value friends – so make a plan to incorporate friends once this week.
TAKE ACTION, INTENTIONALLY: Follow through with the plans you made to live in alignment, and recognize that you are doing this on purpose, because it is important, and you are nourishing a need in your life. Stay aware of the specific need you are fulfilling. Praise yourself for doing the work. Embrace the moment in which you take the action.
If you are recognizing a disconnect in your life, that feels empty or meaningless, it’s time to slow down and assess how we can bring connection and fulfillment back to your world. Check in with yourself, create sustainable changes and growth, implement boundaries and expectations. Do these things because you are worth it. You are valuable. You can be in charge of your joy and fulfillment.
Finally, reach out for guidance. From within, from a friend, or from us here at Thrive. We are always ready and excited to help you understand values and learn to live in alignment with them more frequently.