What is IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy? Would I benefit?

What is IFS (Internal Family Systems) Therapy and would I benefit?

Developed in the 1980’s by Dr. Richard Schwartz, Internal Family Systems (IFS) has helped many people transform and integrate all their different parts. At its core, IFS is based on the premise that our minds are made up of multiple "parts," each representing different thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, much like a family. These parts can influence our actions and perceptions in profound ways, and understanding and harmonizing them can lead to healing and personal growth. Part of the beauty of the way in which IFS works is that it utilizes that you already have what you need for healing. 

Key Concepts of IFS Therapy:

The central tenet of IFS is the idea that our psyche is composed of various "parts" or sub-personalities. Each part has its own perspective, memories, and roles. Common types of parts include:

• Managers: These are protective parts that try to maintain control over how we feel and behave. They often deal with daily stresses and try to prevent pain. They can include perfectionism, caretaking, people-pleasing, overthinking, and self-criticism. 

• Firefighters: When emotional pain arises, these reactive parts intervene, often through impulsive or harmful behaviors (e.g., substance use, binge eating) to extinguish the distress.

• Exiles: These parts typically carry the pain of past traumas or negative experiences. Exiles show themselves through shame, painful memories, unmet needs, hurts and isolation. They are often buried or suppressed to shield the individual from their emotional turmoil.

IFS provides language and compassion to begin to engage the different parts of us that have been developed over time to help us survive. When we have compassion to the parts of us that have been working hard to protect us, we find that those parts soften and we begin to become more aligned to who we are and less reactive. We become empowered in our lives.

Self:

In addition to the various parts, IFS posits the existence of a core Self, characterized by qualities such as curiosity, calmness, confidence, compassion, courage, creativity, connection, and clarity. The Self is viewed as the guiding force that can lead to healing by fostering connection and understanding among the parts.

Internal System:

The unique configuration of parts and the Self forms an individual’s internal system. In a healthy system, the Self leads and helps balance the roles of each part. However, when parts are overwhelmed by experiences or trauma, the system may become chaotic, leading to internal conflicts and emotional distress.

Would I benefit from IFS?

Enhanced Self-Understanding:
IFS facilitates deep self-exploration and insight, helping individuals understand the root causes of their behaviors and emotional responses.

Reduction of Internal Conflict:
By fostering dialogue among parts and promoting self-leadership, IFS can help reduce internal conflicts that contribute to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

Improved Emotional Regulation:
As individuals develop a compassionate relationship with their parts, they often experience greater emotional regulation, allowing for healthier coping mechanisms.

Healing from Trauma:
IFS is particularly effective for those who have experienced trauma, as it allows individuals to address and heal the exiled parts without becoming overwhelmed by their pain.

IFS therapy is a powerful approach that recognizes the complexity of who we are and how we ended up where we are currently at. By viewing internal experiences through the lens of family systems, individuals can gain clarity, develop compassion for themselves, and cultivate healing. Whether one is struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, or simply seeking personal growth, IFS offers a unique and transformative path towards understanding and integration. When we can work with our system, pay attention to what our bodies are telling us and offer compassionate listening we begin to heal. Our triggers become quieter and we gain the capacity to be still. When we are working with our body versus against it, we begin to have more freedom and more wholeness. 

If you are finding yourself stuck in a similar pattern either with yourself or in your relationships, please know that you do not have to remain stuck. We would love to work with you to help you befriend yourself and all the different parts that have helped you get to today. 

The Intersection of Breathwork and Therapy

Whether you would like to build a shorter, daily breathing practice or take a deep dive into your healing through a transformational breath session, coming into relationship with your breath will radically enhance your life. Your breath is your first alert system. When we are stressed, our breath becomes more shallow. When we are relaxed our breath deepens. If you watch it closely, you will see that your breath is always giving you a message about how you are feeling and what you are experiencing.

By coming to know your breath, you can observe how it responds to thoughts, emotions, and stimulus from both your inner + outer environments.

By understanding the basics of how to work with your breath, you can learn ways to use it to become unstuck and to create more flow in your life. Harnessing the power of your breath, you will see deeper therapeutic work. Some of the benefits of pairing nervous system regulation with therapy are: 

• Regulation of Emotions: Breathwork techniques can help individuals regulate their emotions, making it easier to engage in discussions during therapy. By calming the nervous system, clients may feel more grounded and open to exploring difficult topics.

• Increased Mindfulness: Breathwork promotes mindfulness, allowing clients to become more present in the moment. This heightened awareness can enhance the therapeutic process, as clients may be better able to identify and articulate their thoughts and feelings. When we are mindful and embodied we are able to put into words our felt experiences. 

• Stress Reduction: Engaging in breathwork can reduce stress and anxiety, which may create a more conducive environment for therapy. When clients are less anxious, they may find it easier to communicate and process their experiences. Often times in therapy we get blocked from pursuing deeper healing because our breathing hijacks our system. If we learn to breath in a way that is healing to our body, we will experience less stress in recalling stressful events and stories. 

• Accessing Deeper States of Consciousness: Breathwork can facilitate access to deeper emotional states, helping clients uncover underlying issues that may not surface through talk alone. This can lead to more profound insights and breakthroughs during therapy sessions.

• Physical Connection: Breathwork emphasizes the connection between the mind and body. By incorporating breath awareness, clients can become more attuned to physical sensations and how they relate to their emotional experiences, enriching the therapeutic dialogue.

Integrating breathwork into talk therapy can enhance the effectiveness of the therapeutic process by fostering emotional regulation, mindfulness, and deeper self-exploration. 

If you are finding yourself in a plateau in your therapy or are wanting to facilitate movement towards deeper healing, schedule with Sabrina Joy, our Nervous System Regulation Specialist. Working with Sabrina will help you get connected to your body, manage your stress and emotions with greater ease and promote more healing and more freedom in your life. 

Fall Reflections

As the leaves begin to change and the air turns crisp, fall presents a perfect opportunity for reflection and reassessment. Living in rhythm with the changing season helps provide us with a great opportunity to reflect and adjust. By this time of year, many of us have set New Year’s resolutions, filled with hope and ambition. However, as the months have passed, it’s easy to lose sight of those goals amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life. Now is the time to check in on those aspirations and make any necessary adjustments to ensure we stay on track for personal growth and fulfillment.

Checking in on your New Year’s goals in the fall serves several important purposes:

1. Reflection: It allows you to reflect on your journey thus far. What progress have you made? What challenges have you encountered? Reflecting on these questions can provide valuable insights into your motivations and the effectiveness of your strategies.

2. Reevaluation: Life is dynamic, and so are our goals. What seemed important in January may no longer resonate with you. This is a chance to reevaluate your goals and determine if they still align with your current values and circumstances.

3. Motivation: A three-quarter year check-in can reignite your motivation. Celebrating small victories can boost your confidence and encourage you to push forward, while acknowledging setbacks can help you develop resilience.

Here are some steps to guide you through your fall check-in:

1. Review Your Goals: Take a moment to revisit the goals you set at the beginning of the year. Write them down and assess your progress. Are you on track? Have you achieved any milestones? Do you need to release yourself from a goal that is no longer important to you? Where do you need to celebrate? How are you proud of yourself?

2. Identify Obstacles: Consider any obstacles that may have hindered your progress. Were they external factors, or did internal barriers such as fear or self-doubt play a role? Looking at the obstacles through the lens of kindness towards ourselves is important. Our instinct is to condemn ourselves and feel like a failure. Condemning ourselves does not produce change. How can you be kind towards yourself with the obstacles you have faced. 

3. Celebrate Achievements: No matter how small, celebrate your achievements. Recognizing your progress can boost your morale and motivate you to continue working toward your goals. You have walked 9 months of this year. You have traversed paths you did not know were coming when you made goals in January. Celebrate your perseverance, what you have learned, where you are now. 

4. Adjust as Needed: If you find that some goals no longer resonate with you, it’s perfectly okay to adjust them. Set new, more relevant goals that align with your current life situation and aspirations.

5. Create an Action Plan: For the goals you wish to pursue, create a clear action plan. Break down your goals into smaller, manageable steps, and set deadlines to keep yourself accountable. Reverse engineer where you want to be. Start at the finish line and walk backwards. What steps do you need to take? 

6. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Whether it’s friends, family, or a counselor, sharing your goals and challenges can provide encouragement and accountability. Who do you need to loop in to help you? We are not made to live our life in a vacuum, we are community dependent. 

As we transition into the final months of the year, remember that it’s never too late to make progress toward your goals. Fall is a season of change and transformation, making it an ideal time to realign your focus and intentions. Embrace this opportunity to check in on your New Year’s resolutions, celebrate your journey, and set yourself up for success as you move into the new year.

The fall check-in is not just about assessing what you’ve accomplished; it’s about understanding yourself better and fostering a growth mindset. By taking the time to reflect, reevaluate, and adjust, you can ensure that your goals continue to serve you and lead you further along on your journey. 

Happy reflecting!

Does Breathwork Really Work?

By sabrina joy, nervous system regulation specialist

Breathwork may be a modern term that is rising in popularity, but the practices that comprise what we think of as "breathwork" are anything but new. Different forms of modulated, adjusted or trained breathing are gaining widespread attention as science begins to prove what ancient practices have known for ages; how you breathe can change your life. Modern science is just beginning to understand the breath's potential to calm the mind, improve physical health, and promote emotional healing. But what exactly is breathwork, and how does it work?

What is Breathwork?

At its core, breathwork refers to various techniques and practices that involve consciously controlling the breath. While breathing is something we do naturally, most of us do so unconsciously. Breathwork is essentially intentional breathing to activate different physiological and psychological reactions within the body.

The Origins of Breathwork

The practice of using breath as a tool for healing and transformation has roots in ancient traditions. In yoga, Pranayama (the art of breath control) has been practiced for thousands of years to balance the mind and body. Eastern practices like Tai Chi and Qigong also emphasize breath as a means to cultivate energy (or "qi") and improve overall vitality.

In more recent times, breathwork has evolved through modern modalities, such as Holotropic Breathwork, developed by psychiatrist Stanislav Grof in the 1970s, and the Buteyko method, developed by Russian physiologist Dr. Konstantin Buteyko in the 1950s.

The Science Behind Breathwork

Breathwork is more than just a mindfulness practice—it has a profound impact on the body’s physiology. The way we breathe can impact our blood CO2 and O2 levels, thus influencing our blood pH and impacting virtually every function of the body. The average person takes around 20,000 breaths every day and with each breath we activate different functions of our Autonomic Nervous System (ANS), regulate our blood pH, partake in a complex chemical process of respiration and directly impact the functions of all major organs.

Modern science is increasingly interested in proving via the scientific method what Pranayama practitioners have known for centuries. In a similar way to how modern psychotherapy is recognizing the benefits of age-old meditation techniques; health professionals across various fields are understanding the profound impact of our breath on our bodies and minds.

A systemic review of the literature regarding psycho-physiological correlates of slow breathing published in 2018 explained:

" Slow breathing techniques promote autonomic changes increasing Heart Rate Variability and Respiratory Sinus Arrhythmia paralleled by Central Nervous System (CNS) activity modifications. EEG studies show an increase in alpha and a decrease in theta power. Anatomically, the only available fMRI study highlights increased activity in cortical (e.g., prefrontal, motor, and parietal cortices) and subcortical (e.g., pons, thalamus, sub-parabrachial nucleus, periaqueductal gray, and hypothalamus) structures. Psychological/behavioral outputs related to the above mentioned changes are increased comfort, relaxation, pleasantness, vigor and alertness, and reduced symptoms of arousal, anxiety, depression, anger, and confusion."

Hundreds of studies in the last several decades are making it clear that the way we breathe can impact our mood, ability to focus, and perceived level of stress. Scientists can now clearly identify how different forms of dysfunctional breathing such as shallow breathing, mouth breathing and rapid breathing can negatively impact our health and cause chronic symptoms of dysregulation in the body.

How to Get Started with Breathwork

The beautiful thing about breathwork is that you don’t need any special equipment or prior experience to start practicing. However, working with a trained breathwork therapist, yoga therapist or breathing specialist (especially for more involved methods such as Buteyko or Holotropic) is important. These specialists are trained in the science and methodologies of breathing and should know how to keep their clients safe.

Breathwork offers a transformative way to reconnect with yourself, reduce stress, and enhance your well-being. The power of the breath is always within reach—just one conscious exhale away from helping you find balance in a busy world.

If you find yourself experiencing anxiety, insomnia, not taking full breaths reach out today. Sabrina Joy is available to work with you to become more embodied and experience more rest and peace in your life.

Summer Growth Mindset

Embracing Growth: The Benefits of Starting Therapy During Summer

As the warm summer months approach, many of us find ourselves seeking relaxation, adventure, and a break from our daily routines. Particularly for us in the Pacific Northwest where we are extra grateful for sun and a break in the rain. However, summer can also be an ideal time to prioritize our mental health and well-being by starting therapy. While the idea of beginning therapy may seem daunting, especially during a season typically associated with carefree vibes, the benefits of seeking support during the summer months can be truly transformative.

Time for Self-Reflection: Summer often brings a slower pace and a break from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. This can provide an opportunity for self-reflection and introspection, allowing individuals to explore their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in a more relaxed setting. For many the slower pace of summer brings up issues that are easier pushed aside during busier times with more distractions. Starting therapy during this time can help individuals gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their needs.

Increased Availability: With many people taking vacations or enjoying more flexible schedules during the summer, therapists may have more availability for new clients. This can make it easier to find a therapist who is the right fit for you and to schedule regular sessions without as many time constraints.

Coping with Seasonal Changes: For some individuals, the summer months can bring about feelings of loneliness, anxiety, or depression. Starting therapy during this time can provide valuable support in navigating these emotions and developing healthy coping mechanisms. A therapist can help individuals explore the root causes of their struggles and work towards building resilience and emotional well-being.

Setting Positive Intentions: Summer is the midpoint of the year. New Year's resolutions have mostly been forgotten. Summer is a great time to set a new goal, or revisit forgotten goals. The start of summer can symbolize a fresh beginning and a time to set positive intentions for personal growth. By beginning therapy during this season, individuals can embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing, laying the foundation for positive changes and personal transformation.

Building Resilience for the Future: Therapy is a powerful tool for building resilience and developing healthy coping strategies that can benefit individuals long after the summer months have passed. By starting therapy during the summer, individuals can equip themselves with the skills and insights needed to navigate life's challenges with greater ease and self-awareness.

Starting therapy during the summer can be a valuable investment in your mental health and overall well-being. Whether you are seeking support for specific issues or simply looking to enhance your self-awareness and personal growth, therapy can provide a safe and supportive space for exploration and healing. Embrace the opportunity to prioritize your mental health this summer and take the first step towards a brighter, more fulfilling future.

We have current openings for children, adolescents, adults and couples.

ADHD and Poor Sleep: Understanding the Connection and Finding Solutions

ADHD and Poor Sleep: Understanding the Connection and Finding Solutions

BY Matthew hesselgrave adhd/bipolar coach

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a common neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by persistent patterns of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. While these core symptoms are widely recognized, a significant yet often overlooked aspect of ADHD is the prevalence of sleep disturbances. Individuals with ADHD frequently experience difficulties in initiating and maintaining sleep, which can exacerbate their symptoms and negatively impact their overall quality of life. This blog explores the intricate relationship between ADHD and poor sleep, examining potential causes, effects, and strategies for improvement.

The Prevalence of Sleep Problems in ADHD

Research indicates that sleep disturbances are prevalent among individuals with ADHD. Studies have shown that up to 70% of children and adults with ADHD report significant sleep problems, compared to 30% in the general population. These sleep issues can manifest in various forms, including:

*Difficulty Falling Asleep: Many individuals with ADHD have trouble winding down and transitioning to sleep, often lying awake for extended periods.

*Restless Sleep: Frequent awakenings during the night and restless movements can disrupt the sleep cycle.

*Difficulty Waking Up: Morning grogginess and prolonged sleep inertia are common, making it challenging to wake up and start the day.

*Daytime Sleepiness: Despite sleeping for a sufficient number of hours, poor sleep quality can lead to excessive daytime sleepiness and fatigue.

Neurobiological and Behavioral Factors

The underlying causes of sleep disturbances in ADHD are multifaceted, involving neurobiological, behavioral, and environmental factors.

*Neurobiological Factors: ADHD is associated with dysregulation of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and norepinephrine, which play crucial roles in both attention and sleep-wake regulation. These neurochemical imbalances can disrupt the natural circadian rhythms, leading to irregular sleep patterns. Additionally, ADHD is linked to structural and functional abnormalities in brain regions involved in sleep regulation, such as the prefrontal cortex and the hypothalamus.

*Behavioral Factors: Hyperactivity and impulsivity, core features of ADHD, can interfere with the ability to establish and adhere to a consistent sleep routine. Individuals with ADHD may engage in stimulating activities late into the evening, resist bedtime routines, and experience heightened arousal that makes it difficult to relax and fall asleep.

*Medication Effects: Stimulant medications, commonly prescribed to manage ADHD symptoms, can also impact sleep. While these medications improve attention and reduce hyperactivity during the day, they can interfere with sleep onset and quality if taken too late in the afternoon or evening. Non-stimulant medications, such as atomoxetine, may also have side effects that affect sleep, though these effects are generally less pronounced.

*Comorbid Conditions: ADHD often coexists with other conditions that can further impact sleep. Anxiety, depression, and mood disorders, which are common among individuals with ADHD, can contribute to insomnia and other sleep disturbances. Additionally, sleep disorders such as restless legs syndrome and obstructive sleep apnea are more prevalent in the ADHD population, further complicating the sleep landscape.

The Impact of Poor Sleep on ADHD Symptoms

The relationship between ADHD and poor sleep is bidirectional; not only does ADHD contribute to sleep problems, but insufficient or poor-quality sleep can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, creating a vicious cycle.

*Cognitive Impairments: Sleep deprivation can impair cognitive functions that are already compromised in ADHD, such as working memory, attention, and executive function. This can lead to increased forgetfulness, difficulty focusing, and problems with planning and organization.

*Emotional Dysregulation: Lack of sleep can heighten emotional sensitivity and reduce the ability to regulate emotions effectively. Individuals with ADHD may experience increased irritability, frustration, and mood swings, which can strain relationships and social interactions.

*Behavioral Issues: Poor sleep can intensify hyperactive and impulsive behaviors, making it harder to control impulses and maintain appropriate behavior in social and academic settings. This can lead to disciplinary problems and further challenges in managing ADHD symptoms.

*Physical Health Consequences: Chronic sleep deprivation is associated with a range of physical health issues, including weakened immune function, obesity, and cardiovascular problems. For individuals with ADHD, these health risks can compound the difficulties they already face.

*Overall Quality of Life: The combined effects of ADHD and poor sleep can significantly impact the overall quality of life, affecting academic and occupational performance, social relationships, and mental and physical well-being.

Strategies for Improving Sleep in Individuals with ADHD

Given the profound impact of sleep on ADHD symptoms and overall functioning, addressing sleep disturbances is crucial. Here are several strategies that can help improve sleep quality in individuals with ADHD:

*Establishing a Consistent Sleep Routine: Maintaining regular sleep and wake times, even on weekends, can help regulate the body's internal clock. A consistent routine signals to the brain when it is time to wind down and prepare for sleep.

*Creating a Sleep-Conducive Environment: Ensuring the sleep environment is cool, dark, and quiet can promote better sleep. Using blackout curtains, white noise machines, or earplugs can help minimize disruptions. Investing in a comfortable mattress and pillows can also make a significant difference.

*Limiting Stimulant Intake: Avoiding caffeine and other stimulants, particularly in the afternoon and evening, can help prevent interference with sleep onset. For those taking stimulant medications for ADHD, timing the doses appropriately and consulting with a healthcare provider can help minimize sleep disruptions.

*Implementing Relaxation Techniques: Encouraging practices such as reading a book, taking a warm bath, or practicing mindfulness or relaxation exercises before bed can help calm the mind and prepare the body for sleep. Deep breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation can also be effective.

*Reducing Screen Time: Limiting exposure to screens (phones, tablets, computers, TVs) at least an hour before bedtime is crucial, as the blue light emitted by screens can disrupt melatonin production and delay sleep onset. Establishing a technology-free wind-down period can promote better sleep.

*Behavioral Interventions: Cognitive-behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) can be effective in addressing sleep problems, teaching strategies to improve sleep hygiene and manage thoughts and behaviors that interfere with sleep. Behavioral interventions that focus on establishing positive sleep associations and routines can also be beneficial.

*Consulting a Specialist: If sleep problems persist, consulting a healthcare provider or sleep specialist for further evaluation and treatment is essential. Conditions such as sleep apnea or restless legs syndrome may require specific interventions, such as continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) therapy or medication.

*Parental and Teacher Support: For children with ADHD, support from parents and teachers is crucial in establishing and maintaining healthy sleep habits. Consistent structure, positive reinforcement, and clear expectations can help children adhere to bedtime routines and improve sleep quality.

*Medication Adjustments: In some cases, adjusting the timing or dosage of ADHD medications can help minimize their impact on sleep. Healthcare providers may also consider non-stimulant medications or adjunctive treatments that have a lower risk of interfering with sleep.

The complex relationship between ADHD and poor sleep highlights the importance of addressing sleep disturbances as part of a comprehensive approach to managing ADHD. By understanding the underlying causes and implementing targeted strategies to improve sleep, individuals with ADHD can experience significant improvements in their symptoms, cognitive functioning, emotional regulation, and overall quality of life. Whether through behavioral interventions, environmental modifications, or medical treatments, prioritizing healthy sleep habits is essential for optimizing the well-being of those with ADHD.

You do not have to navigate all of these complexities alone, our ADHD coach is here to help.

Summer is a great time for kids to go to therapy.

Summer is what most children look forward to at the end of each school year. Summer brings with it less demands and more freetime. Starting or continuing therapy in the summer is important because your child is not carrying as many responsibilities and they have more space to process and heal. Summer also brings its own set of challenges that are often hidden due to the schedules of the school year. Summer therapy is important for children as it provides a consistent source of support and care during a time of transition and potential stress. The break from school routines and structure can impact children's mental well-being, making therapy sessions essential for maintaining stability and addressing any challenges that may arise. Summer therapy also offers a valuable opportunity for children to build coping skills, explore interests, and strengthen their resilience in a supportive environment. By engaging in therapy during the summer months, children can enhance their emotional well-being, prevent regression in mental health, and develop the tools needed to navigate transitions and stressors effectively.

1. Consistency: Summer break can disrupt the routine and structure that children may have during the school year. Therapy sessions during the summer can help maintain consistency in their mental health care. Summer also provides the opportunity for children to not be pulled in as many directions (school, sports, drama, etc)

2. Transition support: For children transitioning to a new school, grade, or environment in the upcoming academic year, therapy can provide support and coping strategies to navigate these changes effectively.

3. Addressing summer stressors: Summer can bring its own set of stressors for children, such as boredom, social isolation, or family dynamics. Therapy can help children process and manage these stressors in a healthy way.

4. Building coping skills: Therapy in the summer can focus on building coping skills and resilience in children, which can benefit them throughout the year in managing challenges and setbacks.

5. Preventing summer slide: Just as academic skills can regress over the summer, so too can mental health. Therapy can help prevent a decline in mental well-being during the break.

6. Exploring interests and hobbies: Summer is a great time for children to explore new interests and hobbies. Therapy can help children discover and develop their passions, boosting their self-esteem and overall well-being.

7. Family support: Summer can be a time for increased family togetherness, which can sometimes lead to conflicts or tensions. Therapy can provide a safe space for children to express their feelings and work through family dynamics.

Therapy in the summer for children is important for maintaining mental health, building coping skills, and supporting children through transitions and stressors. It can be a valuable resource for children to thrive emotionally and psychologically during the summer break. The summer opportunity for growth and healing will carry children through to having a different and potentially more positive experience when school resumes in the fall. Utilizing the summer schedule to build in different habits, create new healing pathways and increased resilience is a path that will reap many benefits for the trajectory of the child. 

Overcoming Procrastination: Effective Strategies for Individuals with ADHD.

Overcoming Procrastination: Effective Strategies for Individuals with ADHD

Procrastination can be a pervasive issue for many, but for individuals with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), it often feels insurmountable. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that manifests through symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. These symptoms can significantly impede one’s ability to start tasks, stay focused, and see projects through to completion. However, understanding the nature of ADHD and employing targeted strategies can help overcome procrastination and enhance productivity. In this comprehensive guide, we will explore various techniques to help individuals with ADHD manage and reduce procrastination.

Understanding ADHD and Procrastination

ADHD affects executive functions—cognitive processes that include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control. These functions are crucial for planning, organizing, and executing tasks. Procrastination in ADHD is often not about laziness but rather about difficulties in initiating tasks, managing time, and regulating emotions. Recognizing these challenges is the first step towards finding effective solutions.

1. Break Tasks into Smaller Steps

A significant hurdle for those with ADHD is the overwhelming nature of large tasks. Breaking these tasks into smaller, more manageable steps can make a significant difference.

*Identify the Big Picture: Start by understanding the overall goal or project.

*Divide into Subtasks: Decompose the main task into smaller, sequential sub-tasks. For example, if you need to write a report, your sub-tasks could include researching, outlining, drafting each section, and editing.

*Create a Checklist: Develop a checklist of all the subtasks. Checking off each item as you complete it provides a sense of accomplishment and helps maintain momentum.

By focusing on one small step at a time, the task becomes less daunting, and you can progress steadily without feeling overwhelmed.

2. Use Timers and the Pomodoro Technique

The Pomodoro Technique is a time management method that can be particularly beneficial for individuals with ADHD. It involves working in short, focused intervals followed by brief breaks.

*Set a Timer for 25 Minutes: Choose a task and set a timer for 25 minutes. During this time, focus solely on the task at hand.

*Take a 5-Minute Break: When the timer goes off, take a 5-minute break. Use this time to stretch, grab a snack, or relax.

*Repeat the Cycle: After four Pomodoro sessions, take a longer break of 15-30 minutes.

This method helps maintain focus and productivity by providing regular intervals for rest and relaxation. It also helps create a sense of urgency and structure, which can be motivating for individuals with ADHD.

3. Prioritize Tasks

Effective prioritization is essential for managing time and ensuring that important tasks are completed. The Eisenhower Matrix is a useful tool for categorizing tasks based on their urgency and importance.

*Urgent and Important: Tasks that are both urgent and important should be done immediately.

*Important but Not Urgent: Schedule these tasks for later. They are crucial for long-term goals but do not require immediate attention.

*Urgent but Not Important: Delegate these tasks if possible, or complete them quickly to get them out of the way.

*Neither Urgent nor Important: These tasks are often distractions. Limit or eliminate them from your schedule.

By categorizing tasks in this way, you can focus on what truly matters and avoid getting sidetracked by less important activities.

4. Create a Structured Environment

A structured environment can significantly enhance productivity and reduce procrastination. Here are some tips for creating a conducive workspace:

*Organize Your Workspace: Keep your workspace tidy and free of clutter. Use organizers and storage solutions to keep everything in its place.

*Minimize Distractions: Identify common distractions and find ways to minimize them. This might include turning off notifications, using noise-cancelling headphones, or setting boundaries with family members or roommates.

*Use Visual Aids: Keep calendars, planners, and to-do lists visible. Visual reminders can help you stay on track and remember important deadlines.

Creating a structured environment helps reduce the mental load associated with finding what you need and staying focused on tasks.

5. Set Specific Goals and Deadlines

Setting specific goals and deadlines can provide a sense of direction and urgency. Vague goals like “work on my project” are less effective than specific goals like “write the introduction to my project by 3 PM.” Here’s how to set effective goals and deadlines:

*Be Specific: Clearly define what you need to accomplish. Instead of saying “clean the house,” specify “vacuum the living room and wash the dishes.”

*Set Realistic Deadlines: Give yourself enough time to complete tasks without feeling rushed, but avoid setting deadlines that are too far in the future.

*Use SMART Goals: Ensure your goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

Specific goals and deadlines provide clarity and help you measure progress, making it easier to stay motivated and on track.

6. Use Visual Aids and Reminders

Visual aids and reminders are essential tools for individuals with ADHD. They help keep important tasks and deadlines at the forefront of your mind. Here are some ways to use visual aids effectively:

*Calendars and Planners: Use physical or digital calendars and planners to schedule tasks and appointments. Color-coding can help differentiate between types of tasks.

*Sticky Notes: Place sticky notes with reminders in prominent places, such as on your computer monitor, fridge, or bathroom mirror.

*Digital Tools: Use apps and digital tools that provide reminders and alerts. Tools like Todoist, Trello, and Evernote can help you organize tasks and set reminders.

By keeping visual reminders visible, you can reduce the risk of forgetting important tasks and deadlines.

7. Develop Routines

Routines provide structure and predictability, which can be very beneficial for individuals with ADHD. Establishing consistent daily routines can help you manage your time more effectively and reduce the likelihood of procrastination. Here’s how to develop effective routines:

*Morning Routine: Start your day with a consistent morning routine that includes activities such as exercise, breakfast, and planning your day. This sets a positive tone for the rest of the day.

*Work Routine: Create a routine for your workday that includes specific times for focused work, breaks, and administrative tasks. Stick to this routine as closely as possible.

*Evening Routine: End your day with a routine that helps you wind down and prepare for the next day. This might include reviewing your accomplishments, setting goals for the next day, and relaxing before bed.

Routines help create a sense of order and predictability, making it easier to manage your time and stay on track.

8. Seek Accountability

Accountability can be a powerful motivator for individuals with ADHD. Sharing your goals and progress with someone else can help you stay committed and avoid procrastination. Here are some ways to build accountability into your routine:

*Accountability Partners: Find a friend, family member, or colleague who can act as your accountability partner. Share your goals and check in with each other regularly.

*Support Groups: Join a support group for individuals with ADHD. Sharing your experiences and challenges with others who understand can provide valuable support and encouragement.

*Professional Coaching: Consider working with a coach who specializes in ADHD. A coach can help you set goals, develop strategies, and stay accountable.

Accountability helps you stay focused on your goals and provides encouragement and support when you need it most.

9. Incorporate Rewards

Incorporating rewards into your routine can provide motivation and positive reinforcement for completing tasks. Here’s how to use rewards effectively:

*Set Milestones: Break tasks into smaller milestones and reward yourself for completing each one. For example, treat yourself to a favorite snack or a short break after completing a section of a project.

*Choose Meaningful Rewards: Select rewards that are meaningful and motivating to you. This might include activities you enjoy, such as reading a book, watching a movie, or spending time with friends.

*Avoid Overindulgence: While rewards are important, avoid overindulging in activities that can become distractions. Use rewards as a way to motivate yourself to complete tasks, not as an excuse to procrastinate further.

Rewards provide positive reinforcement and make completing tasks more enjoyable, which can help you stay motivated and on track.

10. Practice Self-Compassion

Practicing self-compassion is essential for managing procrastination and maintaining a positive mindset. It’s important to recognize that everyone, especially individuals with ADHD, face challenges and setbacks. Here’s how to practice self-compassion:

*Acknowledge Your Efforts: Recognize the effort you put into tasks, even if the outcome is not perfect. Celebrate small victories and progress.

*Avoid Self-Criticism: Be kind to yourself and avoid harsh self-criticism. Understand that procrastination is a common challenge and that you are not alone.

*Learn from Mistakes: Instead of dwelling on mistakes or setbacks, view them as learning opportunities. Reflect on what you can do differently next time and move forward.

Self-compassion helps you maintain a positive attitude and resilience, making it easier to overcome procrastination and stay motivated.

11. Explore Medication and Therapy

For many individuals with ADHD, medication and therapy can be effective tools for managing symptoms and reducing procrastination. It’s important to consult with a healthcare provider to determine the best approach for your specific needs.

*Medication: Stimulant medications such as Adderall and Ritalin, as well as non-stimulant medications like Strattera, can help improve focus and reduce impulsivity. Your doctor can help you find the right medication and dosage.

*Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a highly effective psychological treatment that can address various issues. CBT focuses on changing unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviors, making it a valuable tool for individuals with ADHD who struggle with procrastination.

Medication and therapy should not be overlooked as key components of effectively managing procrastination and charting a path forward to overcoming this difficult challenge. 

Overcoming procrastination for individuals with ADHD is a multifaceted challenge that requires a combination of practical strategies, behavioral changes, and cognitive adjustments. By breaking tasks into smaller steps, utilizing time management techniques like the Pomodoro Technique, prioritizing effectively, and creating a structured environment, individuals with ADHD can significantly reduce the tendency to procrastinate. Additionally, setting specific goals and deadlines, using visual aids and reminders, developing consistent routines, seeking accountability, incorporating rewards, and practicing self-compassion are essential components in managing procrastination. 

Ultimately, overcoming procrastination involves a personalized approach that combines self-awareness, structured routines, and consistent practice of effective strategies. With persistence, support, and the right tools, individuals with ADHD can break free from the cycle of procrastination, achieve their goals, and lead more productive and fulfilling lives. The journey requires patience and effort, but the rewards of improved productivity and self-confidence are well worth it.

By Matthew Hesselgrave, ADHD/BIPOLAR Coach

What Could Have Been: Grieving Relationship Loss

What Could Have Been: Grieving Relationship Loss

By Ashley Bryan MS, LMHCA

Grief. It might be one of the scariest and most unfair feelings humans face. You’ve probably read, or at least heard, of the stages of grief. No other emotion gets its entire own category and breakdown.

It’s confusing and hard - usually tied to the loss of something, and generally outside of our control. Grief is usually linked with death of a loved one, but the same feeling also happens in the loss of relationships and ideas about what those connections should have looked like had we been able to control the outcome.

Relationships are often intertwined with our hopes and dreams. Over time connecting with someone, they fill gaps in our lives, become a part of our vision. The connection and needs being fulfilled feels invigorating. Many times, the grief belongs here – to the loss of that feeling of connection and fulfillment; the death of our perceived hopes and dreams about this relationship and our future.

There are things you need to know.

1. As with all grief, you will heal but there is no definitive timeline and that is uncomfortable.

Losing a relationship with someone is hard and unfair. It’s okay to feel that way. But continue to remind yourself that there is hope for the future. Find things to look forward to. Practice gratitude for what you still do have. Validate that this is a difficult time for you and practice self-care in return. Mostly, be patient and graceful with yourself.

2. Spend time reconnecting with yourself.

When we lose a relationship with someone we felt connected to, it can feel as though we have lost a part of ourselves. This doesn’t have to be the case. You are still funny. You still like being outdoors. You enjoy your hobbies – though maybe you didn’t do them as often when you shared your time with someone else. Reconnect with the things that make you who you are, reclaim that piece of yourself. Learn that you can provide the things you need for yourself and that you are worthy of that.

3. Reflect on what was not right for you.

During the grief process, it is natural to consider what we feel we have lost. It is important to also understand what we may have gained. It is likely that there were difficulties in the relationship prior to its ultimate ending. Reflecting and understanding this can not only help you move forward through your healing but also set you up for greater success in your next relationship.

4. Look to your support system.

Leaning into your friends and family during this difficult time can not only provide you a way to validate your feelings by speaking freely on them as they arise, but can also remind you of connection you still have with others. Allow yourself to feel what you need and reach for support during this time.

5. Plan for your future.

You still have one – and it is full of potential. Make plans to move towards your hopes and dreams because they are still very much attainable. Adjust what you understand yourself to want based on what you may have learned from this past relationship. You can identify both positive and negative things, but ultimately – use this to build a path to the future you dreamed of.

Although the loss of a relationship can feel daunting, know you are not alone. If you feel you could use support in navigating this difficult time, please contact Thrive today!

Exploring a Child's World: Object Relations Theory in Children's Therapy

By Carin Bertelle

Children are like little explorers, navigating the vast landscapes of their emotions and relationships. Understanding their inner world is crucial for providing effective therapy. One valuable framework for this journey is Object Relations Theory. In this blog post, we'll explore how Object Relations Theory works with children in therapy and its significance in fostering healthy development.

What is Object Relations Theory?

Object Relations Theory, developed by psychoanalyst Melanie Klein and further expanded by others like Donald Winnicott, focuses on the relationships children form with significant others or "objects" in their early years. These objects can be people, but they can also be symbolic representations, toys, or even parts of themselves. The theory suggests that these early relationships profoundly influence a child's emotional and psychological development.

Understanding Internal Objects

In therapy, we delve into a child's internal world by exploring their relationships with external objects. These objects are internalized representations of caregivers and significant figures. Understanding how a child perceives and interacts with these internal objects helps us gain insights into their emotional struggles and coping mechanisms.

Example:

A child who consistently acts out aggressively during play may be expressing feelings of anger and rejection experienced with a caregiver. By understanding this behavior as a reflection of their internal world, therapists can address the underlying emotional pain.

Transference and Counter-transference

Object Relations Theory emphasizes the concepts of transference and counter-transference. Transference occurs when a child projects feelings and expectations onto the therapist based on past relationships. Counter-transference is the therapist's emotional response to these projections. By navigating these dynamics, therapists can help children process unresolved emotions and build healthier relationships.

Example:

A child may unconsciously view the therapist as a parental figure and react with mistrust or clinginess, mirroring their relationship with a parent. The therapist, aware of this transference, can gently guide the child towards understanding and healing these feelings.

Play Therapy and Object Relations

For younger children, play therapy becomes a powerful tool for exploring their internal world. Toys and symbolic play allow children to express thoughts and emotions that may be challenging to articulate verbally. The therapist observes how the child engages with these objects, gaining valuable insights into their inner struggles and strengths.

Example:

During a play session, a child might repeatedly set up scenarios where a toy is abandoned or lost. This could indicate feelings of abandonment or insecurity. The therapist can use these play themes to explore the child's fears and provide reassurance.

Attachment and Security

Object Relations Theory is closely tied to the concept of attachment. Building secure attachments with caregivers is crucial for a child's emotional well-being. In therapy, we work to understand a child's attachment patterns, addressing any disruptions or insecurities. By fostering a secure therapeutic relationship, we aim to provide a reparative experience that can positively impact their overall development.

Example:

A child with an insecure attachment might struggle with separation anxiety. Through consistent and empathetic interactions, the therapist can help the child develop a sense of trust and security, which can translate to more stable relationships outside of therapy.

Integration and Healing

The ultimate goal of incorporating Object Relations Theory into children's therapy is to facilitate integration and healing. By understanding and working through early relational experiences, children can develop healthier internal objects and coping strategies. This sets the foundation for improved emotional regulation, interpersonal relationships, and overall well-being.

Example:

A child who has worked through feelings of abandonment might show increased resilience and confidence, both in therapy and in their daily interactions, demonstrating the healing power of this therapeutic approach.

Object Relations Theory provides a valuable lens through which therapists can understand and support children on their journey of emotional growth. By exploring the intricate web of internal objects and relationships, therapists can guide children toward building a solid foundation for a brighter and more resilient future. Through play, understanding attachment, and navigating emotional projections, we can help children heal and thrive.

If you feel that your child would benefit from working with one of our therapists to explore and help them bring their internal world forward we have current openings!

How Does Play Therapy Work?

How does Play Therapy work? And what happens in a Play Therapy session?

In play therapy, the therapist creates a safe and supportive environment for the child to express themselves through play.Looking at play therapy through the eyes of an adult, it can appear on the surface that they are just playing. However it is never just play! The transformative power of play therapy helps children navigate their emotions, express themselves, and heal from past traumas. Play therapy is a unique and effective approach that allows children to communicate their inner thoughts and feelings through the language of play. Through the use of toys, games, art materials, and other creative mediums, children can explore their experiences, process their emotions, and develop coping skills in a safe and supportive environment. Here is a more detailed breakdown of what typically happens in a play therapy session:

1. Introduction and Building Rapport: The therapist begins by establishing a connection with the child, building trust, and creating a safe space for them to feel comfortable and open. This helps the child feel secure and willing to engage in the therapeutic process.

2. Assessment and Observation: The therapist observes the child's play behavior, interactions with toys, and themes that emerge during the session. This helps the therapist gain insights into the child's emotions, thoughts, and experiences that may be difficult for the child to express verbally.

3. Setting Boundaries and Structure: While play therapy is child-centered and allows for freedom and creativity, the therapist also sets boundaries and structure to ensure safety and consistency within the session. This helps the child understand the therapeutic process and feel secure in the environment.

4. Exploration and Expression: Through various play materials such as toys, art supplies, sand trays, and games, the child is encouraged to explore and express themselves in a non-verbal way. The child may engage in imaginative play, storytelling, role-playing, or creative activities that reflect their inner world and experiences. 

One of the key reasons why play therapy is so important for children is that it provides them with a developmentally appropriate way to express themselves. Children may not always have the words to articulate their thoughts and feelings, especially when they are experiencing stress, anxiety, or confusion. Play therapy offers a non-verbal and symbolic form of communication that allows children to express themselves in a way that feels natural and comfortable to them. By engaging in play, children can externalize their internal struggles, work through difficult emotions, and make sense of their experiences in a way that is meaningful to them.

5. Processing Emotions and Experiences: As the child engages in play, the therapist helps them process their emotions, thoughts, and experiences that may be causing distress or confusion. The therapist may ask open-ended questions, provide reflections, and offer interpretations to help the child make sense of their feelings and behaviors.

6. Developing Coping Skills and Resilience: Through play therapy, children learn to develop coping skills, problem-solving abilities, emotional regulation, and resilience. The therapist may introduce new strategies, techniques, or interventions to help the child manage stress, anxiety, or challenging situations in a healthy way.

7. Building Self-Esteem and Confidence: Play therapy helps children build self-esteem, confidence, and a positive sense of self. By engaging in play activities, children can experience success, mastery, and a sense of accomplishment, which boosts their self-worth and self-efficacy. As they engage in imaginative play, creative expression, and problem-solving activities, children can build resilience, self-awareness, and a positive sense of self. Play therapy provides children with a safe space to take risks, make choices, and learn from their mistakes, all of which contribute to their emotional growth and development.

8. Healing Trauma and Processing Difficult Experiences: For children who have experienced trauma, loss, or other challenging life events, play therapy provides a safe and supportive space to process their feelings, memories, and reactions. Children who have experienced trauma, loss, or significant life changes may struggle to cope with their emotions and may exhibit behavioral difficulties or symptoms of anxiety and depression. Play therapy offers a gentle and supportive approach to helping children work through their trauma, process their feelings, and develop healthy coping strategies. Through the therapeutic relationship with the play therapist, children can experience safety, trust, and emotional support as they navigate their healing journey.

9. Improving Social Skills and Relationships: Through play therapy, children can improve their social skills, communication abilities, and relationships with others. The therapist may facilitate social interactions, role-playing scenarios, and cooperative play activities to help the child practice empathy, cooperation, and conflict resolution. Play therapy provides children with opportunities to explore different roles, perspectives, and scenarios, which can enhance their social and emotional intelligence. By engaging in play with the therapist and other children, children can learn to navigate social interactions, set boundaries, and build healthy relationships based on trust and respect.

10. Closure and Reflection: At the end of the session, the therapist helps the child transition out of the therapeutic space, reflect on their experiences, and process any emotions that may have emerged during the session. The therapist may provide feedback, validation, and support to help the child integrate their play experiences into their daily life.

Play therapy is a dynamic and effective approach that allows children to explore, express, and heal through the language of play. By engaging in play therapy, children can develop essential skills, build resilience, and experience emotional growth in a supportive and nurturing environment. Play therapy is not just a therapeutic intervention – it is a journey of self-discovery, healing, and empowerment for children of all ages.

What can I expect when I go to therapy?

What can I expect when I go to therapy?

When you make the decision to go to therapy, it can be both a courageous and empowering step towards choosing YOU and choosing to invest in your worth and your present and future. Therapy offers a safe and confidential space where you can explore your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with guidance. We can only grow so far on our own, we were designed to have a guide and another person to bear witness to our story. If you're considering therapy but are unsure of what to expect, here are some key aspects to keep in mind:

First and foremost, it's important to remember that therapy is a collaborative process between you and your therapist. Your therapist is there to support you, listen to you without judgment, and help you navigate through your challenges. They will work with you to set goals, explore your emotions, delve deeper into your story and help you gain clarity and understanding where you have come from and where you are currently at and develop coping strategies to manage difficult situations.

During your first session, also known as the intake session, your therapist will likely ask you some questions to get to know you better and understand your reasons for seeking therapy. This is an opportunity for you to share your concerns, goals, and any relevant background information that may be helpful in guiding the therapeutic process.

Therapy sessions typically last around 50 minutes to an hour and are usually scheduled on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, depending on your needs and availability. The frequency and duration of therapy sessions can vary based on your individual circumstances and treatment goals. Often times in the beginning of therapy, it is recommended to meet weekly to develop a solid foundation for the work that is to be done.

In therapy, you can expect to engage in open and honest conversations with your therapist about your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and relationships. Your therapist may use different therapeutic approaches and techniques to help you gain insight into your patterns of thinking and behavior, challenge negative beliefs, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Therapy is a safe space for you to express yourself freely and explore difficult emotions in a supportive and non-judgmental environment. Your therapist will provide empathy, validation, and encouragement as you work through your challenges and make positive changes in your life.

It's important to keep in mind that therapy is a process that takes time and commitment. Progress may not always be linear, and there may be ups and downs along the way. Your therapist will work with you to identify obstacles, set realistic goals, and track your progress over time. The nature of the therapeutic process is that it is disruptive, as you uncover different stories and memories that have deeply shaped and formed you. It is important to remember that you are not alone in this. 

As you continue with therapy, you may notice improvements in your mood, self-awareness, and relationships. Therapy can help you develop a deeper understanding of yourself, build resilience, and enhance your overall well-being.

In addition to individual therapy, there are also different types of therapy available, such as couples therapy, family therapy, and group therapy. These modalities can be beneficial for addressing specific relationship dynamics, communication issues, or interpersonal conflicts.

Overall, when you go to therapy, you can expect a supportive and collaborative relationship with your therapist, a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings, and the opportunity to work towards positive change and personal growth. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, and therapy can be a valuable tool in helping you navigate life's challenges and improve your mental health and well-being. If you are ready to take the next step in your healing and wholeness, we are here for you! 

Closure: at the end of a relationship

When a relationship ends, the ending ushers in a host of complicated emotions and feelings. The end of a relationship can be emotionally challenging, leaving us feeling lost, hurt, and longing for closure. Moving on from a past relationship requires time, self-reflection, and a focus on mental well-being. Closure is the process of finding resolution and understanding,  allowing us to move forward with our lives. However, the question remains: Is closure at the end of a relationship possible with the other person? What does closure look like for ourselves? 

Closure is a personal process that allows individuals to come to terms with the end of a relationship. It involves accepting the reality of the breakup, acknowledging and processing emotions, and ultimately finding inner peace. While closure may look different for everyone, it is essential for maintaining mental health and moving forward. Closure is a deeply personal and subjective experience. It involves finding emotional resolution, acceptance, and peace after the end of a relationship. While closure can be sought through various means, it is important to remember that it ultimately comes from within ourselves. This is great news because having closure is not reliant on the other person.

Here are some helpful tools to add to your toolbelt as you navigate the end of a relationship.

Allow Yourself to Grieve:
Breakups can trigger a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and confusion. It is crucial to give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the relationship. Part of the grieving process is grieving the future dreams and plans you had with the other person that will not come to pass. Allow yourself to feel these emotions and express them in healthy ways, such as talking to a trusted friend or writing in a journal. Remember, healing takes time, and it's okay to take as long as you need.

Reflect and Learn:
Take time to reflect on the relationship and identify any patterns or lessons learned. This self-reflection can help you gain clarity and understand what you want and need in future relationships. Avoid blaming yourself or your ex-partner; instead, focus on personal growth and self-improvement.

Establish Boundaries: Maintaining distance from your ex-partner is crucial for finding closure. Set clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. This may involve limiting contact, unfollowing them on social media, or even temporarily cutting off communication. Creating space allows you to focus on yourself and your healing process. It is not your ex’s role to make sense of the breakup for you or to be part of the healing process. It is also not your role to be that for your ex.

Role of Communication: Communication can play a role in seeking closure. Engaging in open and honest  conversations with the other person can provide an opportunity to  express feelings, gain clarity, and find closure. However, this is not an opportunity to try to convince them to stay in the relationship, or to tell them everything that you don’t like about them. If you want to have a conversation with the other, approach these conversations with empathy, respect, and a willingness to listen. (Remember: you want to be remembered as the one that got away not the one they are glad to never see again)

Acceptance and Letting Go: Closure does not always require direct communication with the other person.  Sometimes, closure is achieved through self-reflection and acceptance.  It involves acknowledging the end of the relationship, understanding  that certain things may remain unresolved, and making peace with the  situation. Letting go of expectations and focusing on personal growth  can contribute to finding closure within ourselves.

Seek Support: During this challenging time, it's important to lean on your support system. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who can provide a listening ear and offer guidance. Surrounding yourself with positive influences can help you gain perspective and find comfort in knowing you're not alone.

Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that promote your mental and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, such as exercising, practicing mindfulness or meditation, pursuing hobbies, or spending time in nature. Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally will aid in the healing process.

Embrace the Future: As you work towards closure, focus on building a positive vision for your future. Set new goals, explore new interests, and invest in self-improvement. Embracing new opportunities and experiences will help you move forward and create a fulfilling life beyond the breakup.

The end of a relationship is always hard, even if you are the one that initiated the breakup. Breakups are part of the human experience. We will navigate relationships ending throughout our life. Giving ourselves the permission and the space to heal well is one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves. Remember, closure is not an endpoint but a stepping stone towards healing and personal growth. This is a chapter in your story that is ending, but it is not the ending of your story. 

If you would like to have a trusted guide walk with you as you navigate closure, reach out today!

Navigating the Complex Intersection: Co-Occurring Conditions of ADHD and Bipolar Disorder

By Matthew Hesselgrave ADHD and Bipolar Coach

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Bipolar Disorder are two distinct neurological conditions, each with its own set of symptoms and challenges. However, it's not uncommon for these disorders to co-occur in some individuals, leading to a complex web of symptoms and a heightened need for accurate diagnosis and appropriate treatment. Together, we will explore the co-occurring conditions of ADHD and Bipolar Disorder, shed light on the complexities involved, and discuss strategies for managing these challenges effectively.

Understanding ADHD

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, compromised executive function, and impulsivity. It typically manifests in childhood and persist into adulthood, affecting various aspects of life, from academic and professional performance to relationships.

3 Common ADHD Symptoms:

• Inattention: Difficulty focusing on tasks, forgetfulness, and disorganization.

• Hyperactivity: Restlessness, fidgeting, and an inability to sit still.

• Impulsivity: Acting without thinking, interrupting others, and difficulty waiting one's turn.

Understanding Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disorder is a mood disorder characterized by extreme fluctuations in mood and energy levels.

Bipolar Disorder consists of two main phases:

• Manic Phase: Elevated mood, increased energy, and impulsivity.

• Depressive Phase: Low mood, lack of energy, and feelings of hopelessness.

The Co-Occurrence of ADHD and Bipolar Disorder

Prevalence: Research indicates that individuals with ADHD are at an increased risk of developing Bipolar Disorder, and vice versa. The co-occurrence of these conditions can complicate diagnosis and treatment.

Diagnostic Challenges: Diagnosing co-occurring ADHD and Bipolar Disorder can be challenging, as some symptoms of one condition can overlap with the other. Accurate diagnosis is crucial for effective management.

Managing Co-Occurring ADHD and Bipolar Disorder

Medication: Medication is a common treatment approach for both conditions. However, careful consideration and monitoring are required to avoid potential interactions or worsening of symptoms.

• ADHD Medication: Stimulants like methylphenidate or non-stimulant medications may be prescribed.

• Bipolar Disorder Medication: Mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, and antidepressants may be recommended.

Psychotherapy: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can help individuals develop coping strategies for managing symptoms and improving emotional regulation.

Coaching: ADHD and Bipolar coaches work with clients to set goals, create personalized strategies, and provide ongoing support to foster growth and development. Coaches are well-versed in the complexities of ADHD and Bipolar and tailor their approaches to each individual's needs.

Lifestyle Modifications: Maintaining a regular sleep schedule, engaging in regular exercise, and adhering to a balanced diet, are critical, and can help stabilize mood and manage symptoms.

Challenges and Considerations

Medication Interactions: Certain medications used to treat ADHD and Bipolar Disorder may interact and require close monitoring to ensure safety and efficacy.

Emotional Regulation: Individuals with co-occurring ADHD and Bipolar Disorder may struggle with emotional regulation, leading to mood swings and impulsive behaviors. Developing strategies to manage emotions is vital.

Coping Strategies and Support

Education: Understanding both conditions and their potential interactions is crucial. Education empowers individuals to advocate for themselves and seek appropriate treatment.

Support Systems: Having a strong support system, including friends, family, therapists, coaches, and support groups, can provide emotional and practical assistance in managing co-occurring conditions.

Self-Care: Practicing self-care, including stress management techniques, mindfulness, and relaxation, can help individuals maintain stability and well-being.

I live with co-occurring ADHD and Bipolar Type 2 Disorder and it can be challenging, but it's important to remember that with the right treatment and support, individuals can lead fulfilling and productive lives. Accurate diagnosis, appropriate medication, psychotherapy, coaching and lifestyle modifications all play crucial roles in managing these complex co-occurring conditions. As our understanding of these conditions continues to evolve, so too will our ability to provide effective care and support for those affected.

You do not need to create the plan that your system needs, reach out today and we can work together to create a roadmap for you!

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The Complex World of Executive Functioning Components

By Matthew Hesselgrave, ADHD/Bipolar Coach

Executive functioning is a cognitive powerhouse that governs our ability to manage, plan, and regulate behavior. At its core, executive functioning consists of several interconnected components, each playing a unique role in shaping our daily experiences. In this comprehensive exploration, we will delve into the co-components of executive functioning, unraveling the intricacies that contribute to our cognitive orchestration.

Working Memory: The Mental Sketchpad

Working memory is akin to a mental sketchpad, allowing us to hold and manipulate information temporarily. This dynamic process involves the simultaneous storage and processing of data, enabling us to follow instructions, solve problems, and navigate complex tasks. Think of it as the cognitive workspace where information is temporarily housed for immediate use.

Role in Everyday Life

Academic Success: Working memory is fundamental to academic achievement, aiding students in tasks like mental arithmetic, reading comprehension, and following multi-step instructions.

Problem-Solving: Whether troubleshooting a technical glitch or deciphering a crossword puzzle, working memory is at the forefront of our cognitive toolkit for problem-solving.

Cognitive Flexibility: The Mental Gymnast

Cognitive flexibility is the ability to adapt and shift thinking when faced with new or changing situations. It's the mental gymnast that allows us to switch gears, consider alternative perspectives, and adjust our strategies. This component is crucial in navigating the ever-evolving landscape of life.

Role in Everyday Life:

Adapting to Change: In the workplace, cognitive flexibility is essential for professionals dealing with dynamic projects, evolving priorities, and unforeseen challenges.

Social Interactions: Navigating social dynamics requires cognitive flexibility to understand different viewpoints, interpret social cues, and adjust communication styles accordingly.

Inhibitory Control: The Cognitive Traffic Cop

Inhibitory control is the cognitive traffic cop that helps us regulate our impulses and resist distractions. It's the mental brake system that allows us to pause before responding, manage emotional reactions, and stay focused on our goals despite potential distractions.

Role in Everyday Life:

Self-Regulation: Inhibitory control is crucial for self-regulation, influencing behaviors such as resisting the temptation of immediate rewards for long-term goals.

Emotional Regulation: Managing emotional responses, especially in challenging situations, relies on inhibitory control to prevent impulsive reactions.

Planning and Organization: The Architectural Blueprint

Planning and organization involve creating a roadmap for future actions and structuring tasks in a coherent manner. This executive component is the architectural blueprint that guides us through projects, events, and daily routines.

Role in Everyday Life:

Time Management: Planning and organization are pivotal for effective time management, ensuring that tasks are completed efficiently without unnecessary stress.

Project Execution: From planning a business strategy to organizing a social event, this component is the backbone of successful project execution.

Metacognition: The Cognitive Navigator

Metacognition involves awareness and understanding of one's own cognitive processes. It's the cognitive navigator that allows us to reflect on our thinking, monitor our progress, and make adjustments as needed.

Role in Everyday Life:

Learning Strategies: Metacognition influences learning strategies, helping individuals choose effective approaches for understanding and retaining information.

Goal Setting: Setting and achieving goals is facilitated by metacognitive skills, as individuals assess their progress and adjust their strategies accordingly.

Initiation and Motivation: The Spark of Action

Initiation and motivation are the driving forces behind goal-directed behavior. This executive component serves as the spark that propels us into action, initiating tasks and sustaining effort towards achieving objectives.

Role in Everyday Life:

Task Initiation: Overcoming procrastination and initiating tasks require a healthy dose of initiation and motivation.

Goal Persistence: Whether pursuing a fitness regimen or working towards professional aspirations, sustained motivation is crucial for achieving long-term goals.

Response Monitoring: The Self-Reflective Sentry

Response monitoring involves evaluating the outcomes of our actions and making adjustments based on feedback. It's the self-reflective sentry that helps us learn from experiences, refine our strategies, and improve future performances.

Role in Everyday Life:

Learning from Mistakes: Response monitoring is instrumental in learning from mistakes, allowing individuals to adapt and refine their approaches.

Continuous Improvement: In professional settings, response monitoring contributes to continuous improvement by fostering adaptability and resilience.

The Harmonious Symphony of Cognitive Functions: In essence, executive functioning is not a single monolith but a harmonious symphony of interconnected components. Working together, these cognitive facets enable us to navigate the complexities of life with finesse, from academic pursuits to professional endeavors and social interactions. Understanding the co-components of executive functioning unveils the intricate dance within our minds, providing insights that can inform strategies for personal growth, education, and cognitive well-being.

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Mastering Life's Symphony: The Marvels of Executive Functioning

By Matthew Hesselgrave ADHD/Bipolar Coach

Executive functioning, often referred to as the brain's "CEO," is a complex cognitive system that enables us to plan, organize, and execute daily tasks successfully. It's like the conductor of an orchestra, coordinating multiple functions to produce harmonious results. In this blog post, we will delve into the intricate world of executive functioning, exploring its core components, development, and the role it plays in our daily lives.

The Fundamentals of Executive Functioning

Executive functioning refers to a set of mental processes responsible for higher-order cognitive functions. It encompasses various skills and abilities, including planning, problem-solving, organization, impulse control, and time management.

The core components of executive functioning typically include, planning, time management, task initiation, organization, problem-solving, flexibility, working memory, emotional control, impulse control, attention control, and self monitoring. These components work together to help us manage and coordinate our thoughts and actions effectively.

The Brain's Maestro: The Prefrontal Cortex

The Prefrontal Cortex's Role: The prefrontal cortex, a region located at the front of the brain, is the central hub for executive functioning. It oversees decision-making, goal-setting, and the regulation of behavior. Dysfunction in this area can lead to executive function challenges.

The prefrontal cortex continues to develop throughout childhood and adolescence, reaching full maturity in the mid-20s. This development has significant implications for executive function in children and young adults.

The Lifelong Journey of Executive Function Development

Childhood Development

In early childhood, executive function skills begin to emerge as children learn to control impulses, follow directions, and plan simple tasks. These skills become more sophisticated as they mature.

Adolescence and Executive Function

During adolescence, the brain undergoes significant changes, impacting executive functioning. This period is often marked by challenges in impulse control and decision-making.

Adulthood and Aging

In adulthood, executive functioning skills play a crucial role in personal and professional success. As individuals age, some aspects of executive function may decline, but others can remain strong with practice and cognitive engagement.

Executive Function Challenges and Associated Conditions

ADHD and Executive Function: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is often characterized by executive function challenges, including difficulties with impulse control, working memory, and attention regulation.

Autism Spectrum Disorder and Executive Function: Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) may also face executive function difficulties, particularly in social situations and flexible thinking.

Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI): Traumatic brain injuries can disrupt executive functioning, leading to difficulties in problem-solving, emotional regulation, and organization

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The Real-World Impact of Executive Functioning

Education and Learning: Effective executive function skills are essential for academic success. They enable students to plan, organize, and manage time efficiently, which is crucial for academic achievement.

Work and Career: In the workplace, executive functioning skills are invaluable. They help individuals manage projects, meet deadlines, and solve complex problems.

Daily Life: Executive functioning plays a central role in daily life, affecting everything from household organization to personal finance management.

Strategies for Enhancing Executive Function

Coaching: Life coaching has been especially helpful for those struggling with executive function. A life coach can evaluate and develop a plan for addressing specific executive function deficits. 

Cognitive Training: Cognitive training programs can help individuals improve specific executive function skills, such as working memory and attention control.

Time Management Techniques: Time management strategies, like creating to-do lists and setting specific goals, can aid in organizing tasks and prioritizing them effectively.

Mindfulness and Self-Regulation: Practicing mindfulness can enhance self-regulation and impulse control, two essential aspects of executive function.

Executive functioning is a fascinating cognitive system that influences our ability to manage life's complexities. It matures throughout childhood and adolescence, impacting our personal and professional lives in various ways. While challenges in executive function can be associated with conditions like ADHD, they are not insurmountable. With the right strategies and cognitive training, and life coaching, individuals can enhance their executive function skills, leading to greater success and satisfaction in both their personal and professional lives. Understanding and appreciating the role of executive functioning can help individuals conduct the symphony of their lives with precision and grace.

If you would like to pursue executive functioning coaching, reach out today!

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Common Reasons Teens Go To Therapy

Almost everyone has heard the woes of the teenage years or the middle school years. There is a reason that there is such folklore around the tween/teen years. They are hard. They are tricky to navigate for both parents and teens. Adolescence is a critical stage of development characterized by significant physical, emotional, and social changes. While many teenagers navigate this period with relative ease, others may face various challenges that can impact their mental well-being. Seeking therapy can provide invaluable support and guidance for teens dealing with these common issues. While this list is not exhaustive, these are some of the prevalent concerns that prompt teenagers to seek therapy and how therapy can help address these challenges.

1. Anxiety and Stress:
Teenagers often experience heightened levels of anxiety and stress due to academic pressures, social expectations, and personal insecurities. Therapy can help teens develop coping mechanisms, manage stressors, and build resilience to navigate these challenges effectively.

2. Depression and Mood Disorders:
Depression is a serious mental health condition that affects many teenagers. Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a loss of interest in activities can significantly impact a teen's daily life. Therapy provides a safe space for teens to express their emotions, learn healthy coping strategies, and develop a support network.

3. Self-esteem and Body Image Issues:
Adolescence is a time when body image concerns and low self-esteem can become prominent. Teens may struggle with accepting their changing bodies, comparing themselves to peers, or facing bullying. Body image issues are also spread amongst teens, the discontent and insecurity is contagious. Therapy can help teens develop a positive self-image, challenge negative thoughts, and cultivate self-acceptance.

4. Family Conflict and Relationship Issues:
Teenagers often experience conflicts within their families, such as communication breakdowns, divorce, or blended family dynamics. Teenage years are about individuation—they are figuring out who they are and are trying out ways to be an individual. This individuation can create a lot of friction in relationships. Therapy can provide a neutral environment for teens to express their feelings, improve communication skills, and work towards resolving conflicts constructively.

5. Substance Abuse and Addiction:
Experimentation with drugs, alcohol, or other addictive behaviors is not uncommon during adolescence. Whether that is experimenting with substances to help manage anxiety and stress, or to fit in with peers, having a space place to understand the risks and to help navigate the situations that may present with substance use is important for teens. Therapy can help teens understand the underlying reasons behind substance abuse, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and provide support for recovery.

6. Academic and Performance Pressure:
The pressure to excel academically can be overwhelming for many teenagers. Teenagers are facing unprecedented pressure in the academic and athletic realms. Having a counselor who can help be a sounding board for the way the pressure is impacting them is necessary. Therapy can assist teens in managing perfectionism, setting realistic goals, improving study skills, and developing a healthy work-life balance.

7. Peer Pressure and Social Challenges:
Navigating friendships, peer pressure, and social dynamics can be challenging for teenagers. The teenage years are filled with changing social circles and friendships. Navigating friendships and relationships as a teen can be exciting but it is also overwhelming. Therapy can help teens develop assertiveness skills, establish healthy boundaries, and enhance their social skills to build meaningful relationships.

Teenagers face a myriad of challenges during their formative years, and seeking therapy can be a crucial step towards addressing these issues. By providing a safe and supportive environment, therapy empowers teens to develop resilience, coping strategies, and a better understanding of themselves. If you or someone you know is struggling with any of these common issues, reaching out to a therapist can make a significant difference in their mental well-being and overall quality of life. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and no one has to face these challenges alone. We are here to help!

Recognizing Domestic Abuse in Relationships.

By molly kitz ma, lmhc

Help is available immediately if you are a victim (or know someone who is) of domestic violence. Ways to get help:

1. TEXT START TO 88788

2. CALL 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Domestic violence is a pervasive problem that affects individuals of all genders, ages, and backgrounds. It is crucial to understand the dynamics of abuse, recognize the warning signs, and support survivors in their journey towards safety and healing. As therapists, we are committed to this mission year round and aim to raise awareness, advocate, and help survivors and their families. 

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence (also referred to as intimate partner violence (IPV)) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain a sense of control or power over the other partner. Domestic violence is an umbrella term and many forms of abuse can fall under it; financial abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional and psychological abuse, and digital abuse (also known as stalking). Every type of abuse is serious and no one ever deserves any form of abuse. 

It is important to know that domestic violence doesn’t discriminate - people of all ages, genders, races, religions, or socioeconomic status can be a victim or perpetrator of domestic violence. It is estimated that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the United States have experienced violence in their relationships. 

Is This Abuse?

It can be difficult to recognize when a behavior or relationship has gone from healthy to abusive. Some warning signs of abuse from your partner include:

1. Insulting, demeaning, and putting you down in front of others. For example, name calling, making fun of, using vulnerable information to make fun of you.

2. Exhibiting extreme jealousy when you are with your friends or loved ones. For example, constantly monitoring your whereabouts, isolating you from friends and family, or dictating what you can wear.

3. Preventing you from spending time with others. Deliberate efforts to isolate the partner from their support system, making it difficult for them to seek help or escape the abusive situation.

4. Controlling finances and/or household decisions without your input. One partner controlling the finances, withholding money, or preventing the other person from accessing financial resources.

5. Destroying your belongings. One partner breaking, damaging and intentionally destroying what belongs to you (or is important to you).

6. Forcing you to perform sexual acts without consent. Any sexual activity that is non-consensual or done under duress is considered abuse.

7. Threatening or intimidating you with weapons. Anytime someone uses a weapon to threaten and/or intimidate you is abuse.

8. Any form of physical harm. Any form of physical aggression, such as hitting, slapping, pushing, or other acts of violence.
   
   

Domestic Violence in Washington State

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

• Over 1.8 million Washington residents will experience domestic violence in their lifetimes

• 41.4% of women and 31.7% of men experience physical violence, sexual violence and/or stalking in their relationhips in their lifetimes

• 28.3% of women will be victims of stalking in their lifetime

• 49.7% of all crimes against persons in 2020 were domestic violence crimes 

How Do We Find Healing?

Healing from domestic violence occurs on many fronts, however, there is help available! Whether you are a victim, a loved one, a professional, or an advocate there are ways we can all help to raise awareness and end domestic violence in our communities. As therapists, we are here for you and are ready to help guide you on a path of healing. Domestic violence is a deeply concerning issue that requires collective action and understanding. By engaging in open conversations, spreading awareness, and supporting survivors, we can work towards a society free from the grip of abuse.

Statewide resources: https://wscadv.org/washington-domestic-violence-programs/#king

DV Hopeline (local): https://dvhopeline.org

Lifewire (local): https://www.lifewire.org

The Hotline (national): https://www.thehotline.org

If you have been impacted by domestic violence and need help and healing. We are here for you. You did not cause abuse. Your abuser made a choice to abuse.