Summer Triggers: Why Trauma Symptoms Can Worsen in 'Happy' Seasons

Summer is supposed to be the season of joy, relaxation, and carefree moments. Social media fills with beach photos, family barbecues, and vacation adventures. Everyone seems happier, more energetic, and ready to embrace life. But for trauma survivors, this cultural expectation of summer happiness can create an additional layer of distress that many don't understand—and few talk about openly.

If you find yourself struggling more during summer months despite the longer days and warmer weather, you're not alone. There are real, understandable reasons why trauma symptoms can actually intensify during what society labels as the "happiest" time of year.

The Pressure to Perform Happiness

Summer brings enormous social pressure to be joyful, active, and grateful for the beautiful weather. When you're managing trauma symptoms like hypervigilance, emotional numbness, or depression, this external expectation can feel overwhelming and invalidating. The constant message that you "should" be happy because it's sunny outside can make you feel broken or defective when your internal experience doesn't match.

This pressure creates a secondary trauma response—not only are you dealing with your original trauma symptoms, but now you're also battling shame and self-criticism for not being able to access the joy that seems to come so easily to everyone else. The effort required to mask your true feelings or force participation in summer activities can be emotionally exhausting.

Increased Social Exposure and Overwhelm

Summer naturally involves more social gatherings, family reunions, and community events. For trauma survivors, especially those dealing with complex PTSD or childhood trauma, these social situations can trigger fight-or-flight responses. Large groups, unpredictable social dynamics, and the pressure to be "on" for extended periods can overwhelm an already sensitive nervous system.

Family gatherings can be particularly challenging, as they may involve seeing people connected to your trauma or returning to environments where traumatic events occurred. Even when current family members are supportive, being around relatives can trigger body memories, flashbacks, or intense emotional responses that feel confusing and uncontrollable.

Disrupted Routines and Safety Structures

Many trauma survivors rely heavily on consistent routines and predictable environments to maintain emotional stability. Summer's casual approach to schedules—irregular sleep patterns due to longer daylight, vacation disruptions, children being home from school—can destabilize carefully constructed coping mechanisms.

When your usual therapist takes vacation, your gym changes hours, or your daily structure shifts dramatically, the loss of these anchoring activities can leave you feeling unmoored and vulnerable. What feels like freedom to others can feel like chaos to someone whose nervous system requires predictability to feel safe.

Sensory Overwhelm and Body Triggers

Summer brings intense sensory experiences that can trigger trauma responses: bright sunlight, loud outdoor gatherings, the feeling of sun on skin, or specific scents like sunscreen or barbecue smoke. For those with trauma histories, these sensory inputs can unconsciously connect to traumatic memories, creating anxiety or panic responses that seem to come out of nowhere.

Additionally, summer's emphasis on body exposure—swimwear, shorts, tank tops—can be particularly challenging for survivors of physical or sexual trauma. The cultural celebration of "beach bodies" and increased focus on physical appearance can trigger body shame, dissociation, or memories of times when your body didn't feel safe or belonged to you.

Childhood Trauma and Summer Associations

If your trauma occurred during childhood summers—whether through abuse, neglect, family dysfunction, or other adverse experiences—the season itself can become a trigger. The sights, sounds, and social dynamics of summer can unconsciously transport you back to times when you were vulnerable and unprotected.

Even positive childhood summer memories can be triggering if they're contrasted with current struggles, creating grief for innocence lost or highlighting the gap between who you were and who trauma shaped you to become.

The Isolation of Invisible Struggle

Perhaps most challenging is the isolation that comes with struggling during a season when everyone expects happiness. When you're having a panic attack at a July 4th barbecue or feeling suicidal thoughts during a "perfect" beach day, it can feel like you're the only person in the world who can't access joy when it's "supposed" to be easiest.

This isolation is compounded by well-meaning friends and family members who may suggest that sunshine and fresh air should cure your depression, or who express confusion about why you're "choosing" to be negative during such a beautiful time of year.

Finding Support During Summer Struggles

Understanding that summer trauma responses are normal and valid is the first step toward healing. Your nervous system's reactions to seasonal triggers aren't a choice or a personal failing—they're protective responses developed through difficult experiences.

Working with a trauma-informed therapist during summer months can be particularly valuable. Therapy can help process the underlying traumatic memories that summer experiences may be triggering. Therapy can also provide tools for managing social overwhelm, setting boundaries around summer activities, and developing coping strategies for sensory triggers.

You don't have to suffer through summer or force yourself to participate in activities that feel unsafe. It's okay to modify traditions, leave gatherings early, or create entirely new summer experiences that honor where you are in your healing journey.

Remember that healing isn't linear, and struggling during "happy" seasons doesn't mean you're not making progress. Sometimes the contrast of external expectations with internal experience can actually provide valuable information about what you need to feel safe and supported.

Summer can eventually become a season of genuine joy and peace—but that journey happens on your timeline, not society's calendar. With proper support and trauma-informed care, you can develop tools to navigate summer triggers while working toward a future where longer days truly do bring lighter feelings.

If you're struggling with trauma symptoms that seem to worsen during summer months, you don't have to face this alone. Our trauma-specialized therapists understand the unique challenges that seasonal triggers can present and are here to support you.

What is the Point of Premarital Therapy?

Why Premarital Counseling is the Best Investment in Your Future Marriage

Planning a wedding involves countless decisions—choosing venues, selecting flowers, tasting cakes, and coordinating guest lists. Couples spend months or even years perfecting every detail of their special day. Yet while most couples invest significant time and money into planning a single day, far fewer invest in preparing for the decades of marriage that follow. Premarital counseling offers one of the most valuable investments you can make in your relationship's future, providing tools and insights that can strengthen your bond for years to come.

Despite its proven benefits, premarital counseling is often overlooked or dismissed as unnecessary by couples who feel confident in their relationship. However, the strongest relationships aren't those without challenges—they're those equipped with the skills to navigate challenges together effectively.

Building Communication Skills Before You Need Them

Every couple believes they communicate well during the honeymoon phase of their relationship. However, marriage brings unique stressors that can strain even the strongest communication patterns. Financial pressures, career changes, family dynamics, and the daily realities of sharing a life together can reveal communication gaps that weren't apparent during dating.

Premarital counseling provides a safe space to practice difficult conversations before they become urgent. You'll learn how to discuss sensitive topics like money, intimacy, career goals, and family planning when emotions aren't running high. These skills become invaluable when real conflicts arise, helping you address issues constructively rather than falling into destructive patterns like stonewalling, criticism, or defensiveness.

Many couples discover that they have different communication styles or conflict resolution approaches. Understanding these differences early allows you to develop strategies that honor both partners' needs and prevent misunderstandings from escalating into relationship-threatening arguments.

Uncovering and Aligning Expectations

One of the most common sources of marital conflict stems from unspoken or mismatched expectations. Partners often assume they share the same vision for married life without ever explicitly discussing their assumptions. Premarital counseling helps couples uncover these hidden expectations and work through any significant differences before they become sources of disappointment or resentment.

These conversations might reveal differences in expectations about household responsibilities, career priorities, financial management, social life, intimacy, or future family planning. While discovering differences can initially feel concerning, addressing them proactively allows couples to negotiate compromises and create shared visions for their future together.

For example, one partner might expect to maintain the same social life they had while single, while the other envisions spending most evenings at home together. Neither expectation is wrong, but without discussion, these different visions could lead to conflict and feelings of rejection or suffocation.

Understanding Family History and Patterns

We all bring our family-of-origin experiences into our romantic relationships, often unconsciously. Premarital counseling helps couples explore how their upbringing influences their relationship expectations, communication styles, and approaches to conflict resolution.

Understanding these patterns helps couples recognize when they might be reacting to their partner through the lens of past family experiences rather than responding to the current situation. This awareness prevents many unnecessary conflicts and helps couples create new, healthier patterns that serve their unique relationship.

For those who experienced trauma, dysfunction, or unhealthy relationship models in their families, premarital counseling provides an opportunity to identify and address these influences before they impact the marriage. You can learn to recognize triggers, develop coping strategies, and create the kind of relationship you want rather than unconsciously repeating problematic patterns.

Financial Planning and Money Management

Money is one of the leading causes of divorce, yet many couples never have thorough conversations about their financial values, goals, and management styles before marriage. Premarital counseling provides a structured environment to discuss these crucial topics openly and honestly.

You'll explore attitudes toward spending and saving, debt management, financial goals, and how you'll handle major financial decisions as a team. These conversations help prevent many of the financial conflicts that can strain marriages, particularly during times of economic stress or major life transitions.

Understanding each other's relationship with money also helps couples develop systems that honor both partners' values and concerns, creating a foundation for financial teamwork rather than financial conflict throughout the marriage.

Strengthening Intimacy and Connection

Premarital counseling isn't just about preventing problems—it's also about enhancing the positive aspects of your relationship. Many couples discover new ways to deepen their emotional and physical intimacy through counseling conversations.

You'll explore love languages, discuss needs and desires openly, and learn techniques for maintaining connection through the various seasons of married life. This foundation of emotional intimacy becomes particularly important during stressful periods when couples might otherwise drift apart.

Developing Conflict Resolution Skills

All healthy relationships involve conflict—the difference between successful and unsuccessful couples isn't the absence of disagreement, but the ability to work through disagreements constructively. Premarital counseling teaches specific conflict resolution skills that can transform how you handle inevitable disagreements.

You'll learn techniques for fighting fairly, de-escalating heated conversations, finding win-win solutions, and repairing connection after conflicts occur. These skills prevent small disagreements from becoming relationship-threatening arguments and help couples maintain respect and affection even during difficult conversations.

Creating Shared Meaning and Purpose

Strong marriages are built on more than just love—they're built on shared meaning, values, and purpose. Premarital counseling helps couples explore their individual values and create a shared vision for their life together.

These conversations might cover spiritual beliefs, career goals, lifestyle preferences, family planning, and how you want to contribute to your community. When couples share a sense of purpose and meaning, they're better equipped to support each other through life's challenges and celebrate successes together.

Preventing Problems Rather Than Fixing Them

Perhaps most importantly, premarital counseling takes a preventive approach to relationship health. Rather than waiting until problems develop and seeking couples therapy to fix issues, premarital counseling helps couples build strong foundations from the beginning.

Research consistently shows that couples who participate in premarital counseling report higher relationship satisfaction and lower divorce rates. The investment of time and energy before marriage pays dividends throughout the relationship, helping couples navigate challenges with confidence and maintain connection during difficult periods.

Addressing Stigma and Resistance

Some couples resist premarital counseling because they worry it suggests their relationship is troubled or weak. In reality, the opposite is true—choosing premarital counseling demonstrates maturity, commitment, and wisdom. The strongest couples are those who actively invest in their relationship's health rather than assuming love alone will be sufficient.

Others worry that premarital counseling might reveal incompatibilities that threaten their engagement. While counseling sometimes does uncover significant differences, it's far better to address these issues before marriage than to discover them afterward. Most differences can be successfully navigated with good communication and compromise.

Making the Investment

Premarital counseling typically involves 6-12 sessions, making it a relatively small time investment compared to the years of marriage it can strengthen. When compared to the emotional and financial costs of divorce or ongoing marital conflict, premarital counseling represents one of the best investments couples can make in their future happiness.

The skills, insights, and foundation you build through premarital counseling will serve your relationship for decades to come, helping you create the kind of marriage you both dream of having.

Thrive Counseling Kirkland has therapists that specialize in helping couples build strong foundations for lasting marriages. We understand that every relationship is unique and tailor our premarital counseling approach to address your specific needs, concerns, and goals. Investing in your relationship's future starts with a single conversation—we're here to support you in creating the marriage you both deserve.

When Family Get-Togethers Bring Dread

Summer brings barbecues, vacations, and the inevitable family gatherings that many people dread more than anticipate. While social media portrays family reunions as joyful occasions filled with laughter and connection, the reality for many trauma survivors is far more complex. If you find yourself anxious about upcoming family events or struggling to recover after spending time with certain relatives, you're not alone—and your feelings are completely valid.

Family gatherings can be particularly challenging for those with trauma histories because families are often where our earliest wounds were formed. Understanding why these events feel so difficult and developing strategies to protect your mental health can help you navigate summer family obligations without sacrificing your well-being.

Why Family Gatherings Trigger Trauma Responses

Family systems often operate with unspoken rules, established power dynamics, and ingrained patterns that may have enabled or ignored past trauma. When you return to these environments, your nervous system can react as if you're stepping back into the original traumatic situation, even if the current gathering seems harmless on the surface.

These responses aren't dramatic overreactions—they're your body's intelligent protective mechanisms recognizing familiar danger signals. The uncle who minimized your childhood experiences, the parent who still uses guilt and manipulation tactics, or the sibling who refuses to acknowledge family dysfunction can all trigger fight-or-flight responses that leave you feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

Additionally, family gatherings often involve pressure to maintain the family's public image. You may feel obligated to pretend everything is fine, hug people who hurt you, or participate in conversations that invalidate your experiences. This emotional labor can be particularly draining for trauma survivors who've worked hard to establish boundaries and authentic relationships in their adult lives.

Common Challenging Family Dynamics

The Minimizer: Relatives who dismiss your experiences with phrases like "that was so long ago," "you're too sensitive," or "you need to just get over it." These responses can trigger shame and self-doubt about your healing journey.

The Provocateur: Family members who seem to deliberately push your buttons, bring up painful topics, or create drama. They may not understand why their behavior affects you so strongly, making you feel like the problem.

The Enabler: Relatives who maintain harmful family dynamics by making excuses for problematic behavior, pressuring you to "keep the peace," or guilt-tripping you for setting boundaries.

The Denier: Family members who refuse to acknowledge that harmful events occurred or insist that your memories are wrong. This gaslighting can be deeply destabilizing, especially if you've worked hard to trust your own experiences.

Preparing Your Mental Health Toolkit

Set Clear Boundaries Before You Go: Decide in advance what topics you won't discuss, how long you'll stay, and what behaviors you won't tolerate. Having an exit strategy reduces anxiety and gives you back some control.

Practice Grounding Techniques: Develop strategies to stay present when you feel triggered. This might include deep breathing, focusing on physical sensations like your feet on the ground, or silently naming objects you can see around you.

Prepare Standard Responses: Have ready phrases for deflecting inappropriate questions or comments. Simple responses like "I'd rather not discuss that," "That's not my experience," or "I need to step outside for a moment" can help you navigate difficult conversations.

Bring a Support Person: If possible, attend with a trusted friend or partner who understands your history and can provide emotional support or help you leave if necessary.

Plan Self-Care Recovery: Schedule downtime after family events. Plan activities that help you feel grounded and safe, whether that's a quiet evening at home, time in nature, or connecting with your chosen family.

During the Gathering: Survival Strategies

Take Regular Breaks: Step outside, go to the bathroom, or take a walk around the block. These mini-breaks can help reset your nervous system and prevent overwhelm.

Stay Connected to Your Adult Self: Remind yourself that you're no longer the vulnerable child or teenager who couldn't protect themselves. You have resources, choices, and the right to leave at any time.

Limit Alcohol: While it might seem tempting to use alcohol to cope with family stress, it can lower your defenses and make it harder to maintain boundaries or recognize when you need to leave.

Find Allies: Look for family members who are supportive or at least neutral. Having even one person who "gets it" can provide emotional refuge during difficult moments.

Trust Your Body: If you feel your heart racing, stomach churning, or muscles tensing, honor these signals. Your body is giving you important information about your safety and comfort level.

When Family Isn't Safe

Sometimes the healthiest choice is not attending family gatherings at all. You're not obligated to maintain relationships with people who consistently harm your mental health, even if they're family. The idea that "family comes first" can be particularly harmful for trauma survivors whose families were the source of their pain.

Creating boundaries around family contact doesn't make you selfish or ungrateful—it makes you self-aware and committed to your healing. Chosen family, close friends, and supportive communities can provide the love and connection that biological family may not be able to offer.

Recovering After Difficult Family Events

Even with preparation, family gatherings can be emotionally draining. It's normal to feel exhausted, triggered, or questioning your progress after spending time with difficult relatives. This doesn't mean you've regressed in your healing—it means you've survived a challenging situation.

Give yourself time to decompress. Journal about your experiences, talk with trusted friends or your therapist, and practice extra self-compassion. Notice what strategies worked well and what you might do differently next time.

Professional Support Makes a Difference

If family gatherings consistently derail your mental health or trigger intense trauma responses, working with a trauma-informed therapist can be invaluable. Therapy can help you process family-related trauma, develop stronger boundaries, and build confidence in navigating difficult relationships.

Therapy can be particularly helpful for processing painful family memories and reducing the emotional charge of family-related triggers. You don't have to suffer through another summer of family stress—professional support can help you develop the tools to protect your peace while honoring your own healing journey.

Our trauma-specialized therapists understand the unique challenges that family relationships can present for trauma survivors. We're here to support you in developing healthy boundaries, processing difficult family dynamics, and building the confidence to prioritize your mental health in all relationships.

Why Summer is the Perfect Time to Start Therapy

Summer often brings a collective sigh of relief. School's out, vacation plans are made, and the longer days seem to promise endless possibilities. Yet for many people, summer can also bring unexpected challenges that make it an ideal time to begin or recommit to therapy. While it might seem counterintuitive to start something as intensive as therapy during what's supposed to be the "relaxed" season, summer actually offers unique advantages that can accelerate healing and personal growth.

More Flexible Scheduling Creates Consistency

One of the biggest barriers to successful therapy is inconsistent attendance. During the school year and busy fall-through-spring work cycles, schedules become packed with obligations, making it difficult to maintain regular therapy appointments. Summer's slower pace often means more flexibility in your calendar, allowing you to establish a consistent therapy routine without the stress of rearranging multiple commitments.

This consistency is crucial for therapeutic progress. Regular sessions create momentum, allowing you to build trust with your therapist and dive deeper into issues without constantly restarting conversations. When you can attend sessions without the anxiety of missing important work meetings or school events, you're more present and engaged in the therapeutic process.

Natural Transitions Provide Processing Opportunities

Summer represents a natural transition period in most people's lives. Students move between academic years, families adjust to different routines, and many professionals take time to reassess their career paths. These transitions, while often positive, can bring up underlying anxieties, unresolved traumas, or relationship dynamics that benefit from professional support.

Starting therapy during a transition period allows you to process changes with guidance rather than struggling through them alone. Whether you're dealing with empty nest syndrome as children leave for camp, navigating relationship changes during vacation time together, or simply feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to make summer "perfect," therapy provides a safe space to explore these feelings.

Increased Social Exposure Reveals Hidden Patterns

Summer's social nature can be both wonderful and revealing. Barbecues, family reunions, vacation trips, and increased social gatherings can highlight relationship patterns, family dynamics, or social anxieties that remain hidden during more isolated months. If you find yourself dreading family gatherings, feeling left out of social activities, or noticing that certain relationships consistently drain your energy, summer's social calendar provides rich material for therapeutic exploration.

These situations offer real-time examples to discuss in therapy sessions, making abstract concepts more concrete and actionable. Your therapist can help you develop coping strategies for immediate use while working on deeper underlying issues.

Seasonal Depression Isn't Just for Winter

While Seasonal Affective Disorder is commonly associated with winter months, many people experience summer depression or anxiety. The pressure to be happy and active when the weather is beautiful can actually worsen feelings of depression or inadequacy. Social media amplifies this with endless photos of perfect beach days and exciting adventures, making those struggling with mental health feel even more isolated.

Summer therapy helps normalize these experiences and provides tools for managing seasonal expectations. A therapist can help you develop realistic goals for the season and challenge the harmful belief that good weather should automatically equal good mood.

Building Skills During Lower-Stress Periods

The relatively lower stress of summer provides an excellent opportunity to build coping skills and practice new behaviors before the intensity of fall returns. Whether you're working on communication skills, anxiety management techniques, or trauma processing, having more mental and emotional bandwidth during summer months allows for deeper skill development.

Taking Advantage of Greater Availability

Many people assume therapists are less available during summer months, but the opposite is often true. While some practitioners may take vacation time, many maintain full schedules and appreciate clients who can commit to consistent attendance during typically quieter periods. This can mean shorter wait times for appointments and more flexibility in scheduling.

Summer therapy isn't about fixing yourself before returning to "real life" in the fall. Instead, it's about using a naturally slower pace to invest in your mental health, build resilience, and develop tools that will serve you year-round. When September arrives with its inevitable increased demands, you'll be better equipped to handle stress and maintain the progress you've made.

Starting therapy in summer means prioritizing your mental health when you have the time and space to truly focus on growth—a gift that will pay dividends throughout the rest of the year.

3 Signs You Might Be in a Toxic Friendship (And Not Just Having a Bad Day)

by Isabelle Gahard MA, LMFTA

Friendships are often described as the family we choose and ideally, those relationships offer us connection, joy, and support. A good friend might cheer you on through life’s ups and downs, send funny texts when you’re low, or even (if you’re really lucky) pick you up from the airport.

But not every friendship is as nourishing as we hope. Some connections, whether gradually or from the start can leave us feeling more depleted than uplifted. So how can we tell the difference between a friendship that’s just going through a rough season and one that may be genuinely toxic?

Here are three subtle but important signs to pay attention to:

1. You Leave Hangouts Feeling Drained

One of the most common signs of a toxic friendship is how you feel afterward not just emotionally, but physically. If spending time with a friend consistently leaves you feeling tense, irritable, disappointed, or just… off, that’s worth exploring.

Sometimes our bodies pick up on discomfort before our minds catch up. You might sense that something isn’t quite right even if you can’t pinpoint exactly what. That vague unease? It matters. When we consistently feel emotionally depleted after seeing someone, it’s often a sign that the relationship may not be healthy for us.

A helpful question to ask: Do I feel more energized or more exhausted after spending time with this person?

2. The Conversation Always Circles Back to Them

It’s natural for a friend to sometimes need extra attention. They could be experiencing grief, super stressed,  or gone on a series of bad hinge dates. We show up for each other in different seasons. But in a toxic dynamic, the imbalance doesn’t go away. You may notice that the focus is always on them. No matter the topic, they find a way to center themselves.

This kind of one-sided connection can leave you feeling unseen or emotionally neglected. You might walk away from conversations wondering, Did they even ask how I’m doing?

Healthy friendships are mutual. It’s okay to need support and it’s also okay to expect it in return.

3. You Feel Judged, Not Supported

Friends can be brutally honest with us; which is why we often love and hate their advice. True friends can be honest with us, even when it’s hard to hear but there’s a difference between honesty and criticism. Toxic friends often mask judgment as “just being real.” You might notice they regularly put down your choices, compare themselves to you, or criticize things that are important to you like, your clothes, your goals, even your other relationships.

Over time, this can chip away at your self-esteem. You may start feeling smaller around them, more self-conscious, or like you have to shrink parts of yourself to keep the peace.

If being around someone consistently makes you question your worth, that’s a relationship worth re-evaluating.

Moving Forward with Compassion

Friendships are meant to support our growth, not hinder it. And yet, it’s not uncommon for a friendship to start out feeling good and gradually shift into something more draining or hurtful.

Recognizing that a friendship may no longer be healthy is a brave and caring act both for yourself and for the other person. Sometimes, walking away or creating distance is a way of honoring your own well-being.

It doesn’t have to be dramatic or angry. It can simply be a quiet, intentional choice to prioritize peace, authenticity, and mutual respect in your relationships.

You deserve to feel safe, seen, and supported in your friendships. Reassessing who you allow into your emotional space isn’t selfish, it's self-care.

You do not have to navigate this alone, reach out today and we are here to help.

What is IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy? Would I benefit?

What is IFS (Internal Family Systems) Therapy and would I benefit?

Developed in the 1980’s by Dr. Richard Schwartz, Internal Family Systems (IFS) has helped many people transform and integrate all their different parts. At its core, IFS is based on the premise that our minds are made up of multiple "parts," each representing different thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, much like a family. These parts can influence our actions and perceptions in profound ways, and understanding and harmonizing them can lead to healing and personal growth. Part of the beauty of the way in which IFS works is that it utilizes that you already have what you need for healing. 

Key Concepts of IFS Therapy:

The central tenet of IFS is the idea that our psyche is composed of various "parts" or sub-personalities. Each part has its own perspective, memories, and roles. Common types of parts include:

• Managers: These are protective parts that try to maintain control over how we feel and behave. They often deal with daily stresses and try to prevent pain. They can include perfectionism, caretaking, people-pleasing, overthinking, and self-criticism. 

• Firefighters: When emotional pain arises, these reactive parts intervene, often through impulsive or harmful behaviors (e.g., substance use, binge eating) to extinguish the distress.

• Exiles: These parts typically carry the pain of past traumas or negative experiences. Exiles show themselves through shame, painful memories, unmet needs, hurts and isolation. They are often buried or suppressed to shield the individual from their emotional turmoil.

IFS provides language and compassion to begin to engage the different parts of us that have been developed over time to help us survive. When we have compassion to the parts of us that have been working hard to protect us, we find that those parts soften and we begin to become more aligned to who we are and less reactive. We become empowered in our lives.

Self:

In addition to the various parts, IFS posits the existence of a core Self, characterized by qualities such as curiosity, calmness, confidence, compassion, courage, creativity, connection, and clarity. The Self is viewed as the guiding force that can lead to healing by fostering connection and understanding among the parts.

Internal System:

The unique configuration of parts and the Self forms an individual’s internal system. In a healthy system, the Self leads and helps balance the roles of each part. However, when parts are overwhelmed by experiences or trauma, the system may become chaotic, leading to internal conflicts and emotional distress.

Would I benefit from IFS?

Enhanced Self-Understanding:
IFS facilitates deep self-exploration and insight, helping individuals understand the root causes of their behaviors and emotional responses.

Reduction of Internal Conflict:
By fostering dialogue among parts and promoting self-leadership, IFS can help reduce internal conflicts that contribute to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

Improved Emotional Regulation:
As individuals develop a compassionate relationship with their parts, they often experience greater emotional regulation, allowing for healthier coping mechanisms.

Healing from Trauma:
IFS is particularly effective for those who have experienced trauma, as it allows individuals to address and heal the exiled parts without becoming overwhelmed by their pain.

IFS therapy is a powerful approach that recognizes the complexity of who we are and how we ended up where we are currently at. By viewing internal experiences through the lens of family systems, individuals can gain clarity, develop compassion for themselves, and cultivate healing. Whether one is struggling with anxiety, depression, trauma, or simply seeking personal growth, IFS offers a unique and transformative path towards understanding and integration. When we can work with our system, pay attention to what our bodies are telling us and offer compassionate listening we begin to heal. Our triggers become quieter and we gain the capacity to be still. When we are working with our body versus against it, we begin to have more freedom and more wholeness. 

If you are finding yourself stuck in a similar pattern either with yourself or in your relationships, please know that you do not have to remain stuck. We would love to work with you to help you befriend yourself and all the different parts that have helped you get to today. 

The Intersection of Breathwork and Therapy

Whether you would like to build a shorter, daily breathing practice or take a deep dive into your healing through a transformational breath session, coming into relationship with your breath will radically enhance your life. Your breath is your first alert system. When we are stressed, our breath becomes more shallow. When we are relaxed our breath deepens. If you watch it closely, you will see that your breath is always giving you a message about how you are feeling and what you are experiencing.

By coming to know your breath, you can observe how it responds to thoughts, emotions, and stimulus from both your inner + outer environments.

By understanding the basics of how to work with your breath, you can learn ways to use it to become unstuck and to create more flow in your life. Harnessing the power of your breath, you will see deeper therapeutic work. Some of the benefits of pairing nervous system regulation with therapy are: 

• Regulation of Emotions: Breathwork techniques can help individuals regulate their emotions, making it easier to engage in discussions during therapy. By calming the nervous system, clients may feel more grounded and open to exploring difficult topics.

• Increased Mindfulness: Breathwork promotes mindfulness, allowing clients to become more present in the moment. This heightened awareness can enhance the therapeutic process, as clients may be better able to identify and articulate their thoughts and feelings. When we are mindful and embodied we are able to put into words our felt experiences. 

• Stress Reduction: Engaging in breathwork can reduce stress and anxiety, which may create a more conducive environment for therapy. When clients are less anxious, they may find it easier to communicate and process their experiences. Often times in therapy we get blocked from pursuing deeper healing because our breathing hijacks our system. If we learn to breath in a way that is healing to our body, we will experience less stress in recalling stressful events and stories. 

• Accessing Deeper States of Consciousness: Breathwork can facilitate access to deeper emotional states, helping clients uncover underlying issues that may not surface through talk alone. This can lead to more profound insights and breakthroughs during therapy sessions.

• Physical Connection: Breathwork emphasizes the connection between the mind and body. By incorporating breath awareness, clients can become more attuned to physical sensations and how they relate to their emotional experiences, enriching the therapeutic dialogue.

Integrating breathwork into talk therapy can enhance the effectiveness of the therapeutic process by fostering emotional regulation, mindfulness, and deeper self-exploration. 

If you are finding yourself in a plateau in your therapy or are wanting to facilitate movement towards deeper healing, schedule with Sabrina Joy, our Nervous System Regulation Specialist. Working with Sabrina will help you get connected to your body, manage your stress and emotions with greater ease and promote more healing and more freedom in your life. 

Fall Reflections

As the leaves begin to change and the air turns crisp, fall presents a perfect opportunity for reflection and reassessment. Living in rhythm with the changing season helps provide us with a great opportunity to reflect and adjust. By this time of year, many of us have set New Year’s resolutions, filled with hope and ambition. However, as the months have passed, it’s easy to lose sight of those goals amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life. Now is the time to check in on those aspirations and make any necessary adjustments to ensure we stay on track for personal growth and fulfillment.

Checking in on your New Year’s goals in the fall serves several important purposes:

1. Reflection: It allows you to reflect on your journey thus far. What progress have you made? What challenges have you encountered? Reflecting on these questions can provide valuable insights into your motivations and the effectiveness of your strategies.

2. Reevaluation: Life is dynamic, and so are our goals. What seemed important in January may no longer resonate with you. This is a chance to reevaluate your goals and determine if they still align with your current values and circumstances.

3. Motivation: A three-quarter year check-in can reignite your motivation. Celebrating small victories can boost your confidence and encourage you to push forward, while acknowledging setbacks can help you develop resilience.

Here are some steps to guide you through your fall check-in:

1. Review Your Goals: Take a moment to revisit the goals you set at the beginning of the year. Write them down and assess your progress. Are you on track? Have you achieved any milestones? Do you need to release yourself from a goal that is no longer important to you? Where do you need to celebrate? How are you proud of yourself?

2. Identify Obstacles: Consider any obstacles that may have hindered your progress. Were they external factors, or did internal barriers such as fear or self-doubt play a role? Looking at the obstacles through the lens of kindness towards ourselves is important. Our instinct is to condemn ourselves and feel like a failure. Condemning ourselves does not produce change. How can you be kind towards yourself with the obstacles you have faced. 

3. Celebrate Achievements: No matter how small, celebrate your achievements. Recognizing your progress can boost your morale and motivate you to continue working toward your goals. You have walked 9 months of this year. You have traversed paths you did not know were coming when you made goals in January. Celebrate your perseverance, what you have learned, where you are now. 

4. Adjust as Needed: If you find that some goals no longer resonate with you, it’s perfectly okay to adjust them. Set new, more relevant goals that align with your current life situation and aspirations.

5. Create an Action Plan: For the goals you wish to pursue, create a clear action plan. Break down your goals into smaller, manageable steps, and set deadlines to keep yourself accountable. Reverse engineer where you want to be. Start at the finish line and walk backwards. What steps do you need to take? 

6. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Whether it’s friends, family, or a counselor, sharing your goals and challenges can provide encouragement and accountability. Who do you need to loop in to help you? We are not made to live our life in a vacuum, we are community dependent. 

As we transition into the final months of the year, remember that it’s never too late to make progress toward your goals. Fall is a season of change and transformation, making it an ideal time to realign your focus and intentions. Embrace this opportunity to check in on your New Year’s resolutions, celebrate your journey, and set yourself up for success as you move into the new year.

The fall check-in is not just about assessing what you’ve accomplished; it’s about understanding yourself better and fostering a growth mindset. By taking the time to reflect, reevaluate, and adjust, you can ensure that your goals continue to serve you and lead you further along on your journey. 

Happy reflecting!

Does Breathwork Really Work?

By sabrina joy, nervous system regulation specialist

Breathwork may be a modern term that is rising in popularity, but the practices that comprise what we think of as "breathwork" are anything but new. Different forms of modulated, adjusted or trained breathing are gaining widespread attention as science begins to prove what ancient practices have known for ages; how you breathe can change your life. Modern science is just beginning to understand the breath's potential to calm the mind, improve physical health, and promote emotional healing. But what exactly is breathwork, and how does it work?

What is Breathwork?

At its core, breathwork refers to various techniques and practices that involve consciously controlling the breath. While breathing is something we do naturally, most of us do so unconsciously. Breathwork is essentially intentional breathing to activate different physiological and psychological reactions within the body.

The Origins of Breathwork

The practice of using breath as a tool for healing and transformation has roots in ancient traditions. In yoga, Pranayama (the art of breath control) has been practiced for thousands of years to balance the mind and body. Eastern practices like Tai Chi and Qigong also emphasize breath as a means to cultivate energy (or "qi") and improve overall vitality.

In more recent times, breathwork has evolved through modern modalities, such as Holotropic Breathwork, developed by psychiatrist Stanislav Grof in the 1970s, and the Buteyko method, developed by Russian physiologist Dr. Konstantin Buteyko in the 1950s.

The Science Behind Breathwork

Breathwork is more than just a mindfulness practice—it has a profound impact on the body’s physiology. The way we breathe can impact our blood CO2 and O2 levels, thus influencing our blood pH and impacting virtually every function of the body. The average person takes around 20,000 breaths every day and with each breath we activate different functions of our Autonomic Nervous System (ANS), regulate our blood pH, partake in a complex chemical process of respiration and directly impact the functions of all major organs.

Modern science is increasingly interested in proving via the scientific method what Pranayama practitioners have known for centuries. In a similar way to how modern psychotherapy is recognizing the benefits of age-old meditation techniques; health professionals across various fields are understanding the profound impact of our breath on our bodies and minds.

A systemic review of the literature regarding psycho-physiological correlates of slow breathing published in 2018 explained:

" Slow breathing techniques promote autonomic changes increasing Heart Rate Variability and Respiratory Sinus Arrhythmia paralleled by Central Nervous System (CNS) activity modifications. EEG studies show an increase in alpha and a decrease in theta power. Anatomically, the only available fMRI study highlights increased activity in cortical (e.g., prefrontal, motor, and parietal cortices) and subcortical (e.g., pons, thalamus, sub-parabrachial nucleus, periaqueductal gray, and hypothalamus) structures. Psychological/behavioral outputs related to the above mentioned changes are increased comfort, relaxation, pleasantness, vigor and alertness, and reduced symptoms of arousal, anxiety, depression, anger, and confusion."

Hundreds of studies in the last several decades are making it clear that the way we breathe can impact our mood, ability to focus, and perceived level of stress. Scientists can now clearly identify how different forms of dysfunctional breathing such as shallow breathing, mouth breathing and rapid breathing can negatively impact our health and cause chronic symptoms of dysregulation in the body.

How to Get Started with Breathwork

The beautiful thing about breathwork is that you don’t need any special equipment or prior experience to start practicing. However, working with a trained breathwork therapist, yoga therapist or breathing specialist (especially for more involved methods such as Buteyko or Holotropic) is important. These specialists are trained in the science and methodologies of breathing and should know how to keep their clients safe.

Breathwork offers a transformative way to reconnect with yourself, reduce stress, and enhance your well-being. The power of the breath is always within reach—just one conscious exhale away from helping you find balance in a busy world.

If you find yourself experiencing anxiety, insomnia, not taking full breaths reach out today. Sabrina Joy is available to work with you to become more embodied and experience more rest and peace in your life.

Summer Growth Mindset

Embracing Growth: The Benefits of Starting Therapy During Summer

As the warm summer months approach, many of us find ourselves seeking relaxation, adventure, and a break from our daily routines. Particularly for us in the Pacific Northwest where we are extra grateful for sun and a break in the rain. However, summer can also be an ideal time to prioritize our mental health and well-being by starting therapy. While the idea of beginning therapy may seem daunting, especially during a season typically associated with carefree vibes, the benefits of seeking support during the summer months can be truly transformative.

Time for Self-Reflection: Summer often brings a slower pace and a break from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. This can provide an opportunity for self-reflection and introspection, allowing individuals to explore their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in a more relaxed setting. For many the slower pace of summer brings up issues that are easier pushed aside during busier times with more distractions. Starting therapy during this time can help individuals gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their needs.

Increased Availability: With many people taking vacations or enjoying more flexible schedules during the summer, therapists may have more availability for new clients. This can make it easier to find a therapist who is the right fit for you and to schedule regular sessions without as many time constraints.

Coping with Seasonal Changes: For some individuals, the summer months can bring about feelings of loneliness, anxiety, or depression. Starting therapy during this time can provide valuable support in navigating these emotions and developing healthy coping mechanisms. A therapist can help individuals explore the root causes of their struggles and work towards building resilience and emotional well-being.

Setting Positive Intentions: Summer is the midpoint of the year. New Year's resolutions have mostly been forgotten. Summer is a great time to set a new goal, or revisit forgotten goals. The start of summer can symbolize a fresh beginning and a time to set positive intentions for personal growth. By beginning therapy during this season, individuals can embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing, laying the foundation for positive changes and personal transformation.

Building Resilience for the Future: Therapy is a powerful tool for building resilience and developing healthy coping strategies that can benefit individuals long after the summer months have passed. By starting therapy during the summer, individuals can equip themselves with the skills and insights needed to navigate life's challenges with greater ease and self-awareness.

Starting therapy during the summer can be a valuable investment in your mental health and overall well-being. Whether you are seeking support for specific issues or simply looking to enhance your self-awareness and personal growth, therapy can provide a safe and supportive space for exploration and healing. Embrace the opportunity to prioritize your mental health this summer and take the first step towards a brighter, more fulfilling future.

We have current openings for children, adolescents, adults and couples.

ADHD and Poor Sleep: Understanding the Connection and Finding Solutions

ADHD and Poor Sleep: Understanding the Connection and Finding Solutions

BY Matthew hesselgrave adhd/bipolar coach

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a common neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by persistent patterns of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. While these core symptoms are widely recognized, a significant yet often overlooked aspect of ADHD is the prevalence of sleep disturbances. Individuals with ADHD frequently experience difficulties in initiating and maintaining sleep, which can exacerbate their symptoms and negatively impact their overall quality of life. This blog explores the intricate relationship between ADHD and poor sleep, examining potential causes, effects, and strategies for improvement.

The Prevalence of Sleep Problems in ADHD

Research indicates that sleep disturbances are prevalent among individuals with ADHD. Studies have shown that up to 70% of children and adults with ADHD report significant sleep problems, compared to 30% in the general population. These sleep issues can manifest in various forms, including:

*Difficulty Falling Asleep: Many individuals with ADHD have trouble winding down and transitioning to sleep, often lying awake for extended periods.

*Restless Sleep: Frequent awakenings during the night and restless movements can disrupt the sleep cycle.

*Difficulty Waking Up: Morning grogginess and prolonged sleep inertia are common, making it challenging to wake up and start the day.

*Daytime Sleepiness: Despite sleeping for a sufficient number of hours, poor sleep quality can lead to excessive daytime sleepiness and fatigue.

Neurobiological and Behavioral Factors

The underlying causes of sleep disturbances in ADHD are multifaceted, involving neurobiological, behavioral, and environmental factors.

*Neurobiological Factors: ADHD is associated with dysregulation of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and norepinephrine, which play crucial roles in both attention and sleep-wake regulation. These neurochemical imbalances can disrupt the natural circadian rhythms, leading to irregular sleep patterns. Additionally, ADHD is linked to structural and functional abnormalities in brain regions involved in sleep regulation, such as the prefrontal cortex and the hypothalamus.

*Behavioral Factors: Hyperactivity and impulsivity, core features of ADHD, can interfere with the ability to establish and adhere to a consistent sleep routine. Individuals with ADHD may engage in stimulating activities late into the evening, resist bedtime routines, and experience heightened arousal that makes it difficult to relax and fall asleep.

*Medication Effects: Stimulant medications, commonly prescribed to manage ADHD symptoms, can also impact sleep. While these medications improve attention and reduce hyperactivity during the day, they can interfere with sleep onset and quality if taken too late in the afternoon or evening. Non-stimulant medications, such as atomoxetine, may also have side effects that affect sleep, though these effects are generally less pronounced.

*Comorbid Conditions: ADHD often coexists with other conditions that can further impact sleep. Anxiety, depression, and mood disorders, which are common among individuals with ADHD, can contribute to insomnia and other sleep disturbances. Additionally, sleep disorders such as restless legs syndrome and obstructive sleep apnea are more prevalent in the ADHD population, further complicating the sleep landscape.

The Impact of Poor Sleep on ADHD Symptoms

The relationship between ADHD and poor sleep is bidirectional; not only does ADHD contribute to sleep problems, but insufficient or poor-quality sleep can exacerbate ADHD symptoms, creating a vicious cycle.

*Cognitive Impairments: Sleep deprivation can impair cognitive functions that are already compromised in ADHD, such as working memory, attention, and executive function. This can lead to increased forgetfulness, difficulty focusing, and problems with planning and organization.

*Emotional Dysregulation: Lack of sleep can heighten emotional sensitivity and reduce the ability to regulate emotions effectively. Individuals with ADHD may experience increased irritability, frustration, and mood swings, which can strain relationships and social interactions.

*Behavioral Issues: Poor sleep can intensify hyperactive and impulsive behaviors, making it harder to control impulses and maintain appropriate behavior in social and academic settings. This can lead to disciplinary problems and further challenges in managing ADHD symptoms.

*Physical Health Consequences: Chronic sleep deprivation is associated with a range of physical health issues, including weakened immune function, obesity, and cardiovascular problems. For individuals with ADHD, these health risks can compound the difficulties they already face.

*Overall Quality of Life: The combined effects of ADHD and poor sleep can significantly impact the overall quality of life, affecting academic and occupational performance, social relationships, and mental and physical well-being.

Strategies for Improving Sleep in Individuals with ADHD

Given the profound impact of sleep on ADHD symptoms and overall functioning, addressing sleep disturbances is crucial. Here are several strategies that can help improve sleep quality in individuals with ADHD:

*Establishing a Consistent Sleep Routine: Maintaining regular sleep and wake times, even on weekends, can help regulate the body's internal clock. A consistent routine signals to the brain when it is time to wind down and prepare for sleep.

*Creating a Sleep-Conducive Environment: Ensuring the sleep environment is cool, dark, and quiet can promote better sleep. Using blackout curtains, white noise machines, or earplugs can help minimize disruptions. Investing in a comfortable mattress and pillows can also make a significant difference.

*Limiting Stimulant Intake: Avoiding caffeine and other stimulants, particularly in the afternoon and evening, can help prevent interference with sleep onset. For those taking stimulant medications for ADHD, timing the doses appropriately and consulting with a healthcare provider can help minimize sleep disruptions.

*Implementing Relaxation Techniques: Encouraging practices such as reading a book, taking a warm bath, or practicing mindfulness or relaxation exercises before bed can help calm the mind and prepare the body for sleep. Deep breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation can also be effective.

*Reducing Screen Time: Limiting exposure to screens (phones, tablets, computers, TVs) at least an hour before bedtime is crucial, as the blue light emitted by screens can disrupt melatonin production and delay sleep onset. Establishing a technology-free wind-down period can promote better sleep.

*Behavioral Interventions: Cognitive-behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) can be effective in addressing sleep problems, teaching strategies to improve sleep hygiene and manage thoughts and behaviors that interfere with sleep. Behavioral interventions that focus on establishing positive sleep associations and routines can also be beneficial.

*Consulting a Specialist: If sleep problems persist, consulting a healthcare provider or sleep specialist for further evaluation and treatment is essential. Conditions such as sleep apnea or restless legs syndrome may require specific interventions, such as continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) therapy or medication.

*Parental and Teacher Support: For children with ADHD, support from parents and teachers is crucial in establishing and maintaining healthy sleep habits. Consistent structure, positive reinforcement, and clear expectations can help children adhere to bedtime routines and improve sleep quality.

*Medication Adjustments: In some cases, adjusting the timing or dosage of ADHD medications can help minimize their impact on sleep. Healthcare providers may also consider non-stimulant medications or adjunctive treatments that have a lower risk of interfering with sleep.

The complex relationship between ADHD and poor sleep highlights the importance of addressing sleep disturbances as part of a comprehensive approach to managing ADHD. By understanding the underlying causes and implementing targeted strategies to improve sleep, individuals with ADHD can experience significant improvements in their symptoms, cognitive functioning, emotional regulation, and overall quality of life. Whether through behavioral interventions, environmental modifications, or medical treatments, prioritizing healthy sleep habits is essential for optimizing the well-being of those with ADHD.

You do not have to navigate all of these complexities alone, our ADHD coach is here to help.

Summer is a great time for kids to go to therapy.

Summer is what most children look forward to at the end of each school year. Summer brings with it less demands and more freetime. Starting or continuing therapy in the summer is important because your child is not carrying as many responsibilities and they have more space to process and heal. Summer also brings its own set of challenges that are often hidden due to the schedules of the school year. Summer therapy is important for children as it provides a consistent source of support and care during a time of transition and potential stress. The break from school routines and structure can impact children's mental well-being, making therapy sessions essential for maintaining stability and addressing any challenges that may arise. Summer therapy also offers a valuable opportunity for children to build coping skills, explore interests, and strengthen their resilience in a supportive environment. By engaging in therapy during the summer months, children can enhance their emotional well-being, prevent regression in mental health, and develop the tools needed to navigate transitions and stressors effectively.

1. Consistency: Summer break can disrupt the routine and structure that children may have during the school year. Therapy sessions during the summer can help maintain consistency in their mental health care. Summer also provides the opportunity for children to not be pulled in as many directions (school, sports, drama, etc)

2. Transition support: For children transitioning to a new school, grade, or environment in the upcoming academic year, therapy can provide support and coping strategies to navigate these changes effectively.

3. Addressing summer stressors: Summer can bring its own set of stressors for children, such as boredom, social isolation, or family dynamics. Therapy can help children process and manage these stressors in a healthy way.

4. Building coping skills: Therapy in the summer can focus on building coping skills and resilience in children, which can benefit them throughout the year in managing challenges and setbacks.

5. Preventing summer slide: Just as academic skills can regress over the summer, so too can mental health. Therapy can help prevent a decline in mental well-being during the break.

6. Exploring interests and hobbies: Summer is a great time for children to explore new interests and hobbies. Therapy can help children discover and develop their passions, boosting their self-esteem and overall well-being.

7. Family support: Summer can be a time for increased family togetherness, which can sometimes lead to conflicts or tensions. Therapy can provide a safe space for children to express their feelings and work through family dynamics.

Therapy in the summer for children is important for maintaining mental health, building coping skills, and supporting children through transitions and stressors. It can be a valuable resource for children to thrive emotionally and psychologically during the summer break. The summer opportunity for growth and healing will carry children through to having a different and potentially more positive experience when school resumes in the fall. Utilizing the summer schedule to build in different habits, create new healing pathways and increased resilience is a path that will reap many benefits for the trajectory of the child. 

Overcoming Procrastination: Effective Strategies for Individuals with ADHD.

Overcoming Procrastination: Effective Strategies for Individuals with ADHD

Procrastination can be a pervasive issue for many, but for individuals with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), it often feels insurmountable. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that manifests through symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. These symptoms can significantly impede one’s ability to start tasks, stay focused, and see projects through to completion. However, understanding the nature of ADHD and employing targeted strategies can help overcome procrastination and enhance productivity. In this comprehensive guide, we will explore various techniques to help individuals with ADHD manage and reduce procrastination.

Understanding ADHD and Procrastination

ADHD affects executive functions—cognitive processes that include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control. These functions are crucial for planning, organizing, and executing tasks. Procrastination in ADHD is often not about laziness but rather about difficulties in initiating tasks, managing time, and regulating emotions. Recognizing these challenges is the first step towards finding effective solutions.

1. Break Tasks into Smaller Steps

A significant hurdle for those with ADHD is the overwhelming nature of large tasks. Breaking these tasks into smaller, more manageable steps can make a significant difference.

*Identify the Big Picture: Start by understanding the overall goal or project.

*Divide into Subtasks: Decompose the main task into smaller, sequential sub-tasks. For example, if you need to write a report, your sub-tasks could include researching, outlining, drafting each section, and editing.

*Create a Checklist: Develop a checklist of all the subtasks. Checking off each item as you complete it provides a sense of accomplishment and helps maintain momentum.

By focusing on one small step at a time, the task becomes less daunting, and you can progress steadily without feeling overwhelmed.

2. Use Timers and the Pomodoro Technique

The Pomodoro Technique is a time management method that can be particularly beneficial for individuals with ADHD. It involves working in short, focused intervals followed by brief breaks.

*Set a Timer for 25 Minutes: Choose a task and set a timer for 25 minutes. During this time, focus solely on the task at hand.

*Take a 5-Minute Break: When the timer goes off, take a 5-minute break. Use this time to stretch, grab a snack, or relax.

*Repeat the Cycle: After four Pomodoro sessions, take a longer break of 15-30 minutes.

This method helps maintain focus and productivity by providing regular intervals for rest and relaxation. It also helps create a sense of urgency and structure, which can be motivating for individuals with ADHD.

3. Prioritize Tasks

Effective prioritization is essential for managing time and ensuring that important tasks are completed. The Eisenhower Matrix is a useful tool for categorizing tasks based on their urgency and importance.

*Urgent and Important: Tasks that are both urgent and important should be done immediately.

*Important but Not Urgent: Schedule these tasks for later. They are crucial for long-term goals but do not require immediate attention.

*Urgent but Not Important: Delegate these tasks if possible, or complete them quickly to get them out of the way.

*Neither Urgent nor Important: These tasks are often distractions. Limit or eliminate them from your schedule.

By categorizing tasks in this way, you can focus on what truly matters and avoid getting sidetracked by less important activities.

4. Create a Structured Environment

A structured environment can significantly enhance productivity and reduce procrastination. Here are some tips for creating a conducive workspace:

*Organize Your Workspace: Keep your workspace tidy and free of clutter. Use organizers and storage solutions to keep everything in its place.

*Minimize Distractions: Identify common distractions and find ways to minimize them. This might include turning off notifications, using noise-cancelling headphones, or setting boundaries with family members or roommates.

*Use Visual Aids: Keep calendars, planners, and to-do lists visible. Visual reminders can help you stay on track and remember important deadlines.

Creating a structured environment helps reduce the mental load associated with finding what you need and staying focused on tasks.

5. Set Specific Goals and Deadlines

Setting specific goals and deadlines can provide a sense of direction and urgency. Vague goals like “work on my project” are less effective than specific goals like “write the introduction to my project by 3 PM.” Here’s how to set effective goals and deadlines:

*Be Specific: Clearly define what you need to accomplish. Instead of saying “clean the house,” specify “vacuum the living room and wash the dishes.”

*Set Realistic Deadlines: Give yourself enough time to complete tasks without feeling rushed, but avoid setting deadlines that are too far in the future.

*Use SMART Goals: Ensure your goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

Specific goals and deadlines provide clarity and help you measure progress, making it easier to stay motivated and on track.

6. Use Visual Aids and Reminders

Visual aids and reminders are essential tools for individuals with ADHD. They help keep important tasks and deadlines at the forefront of your mind. Here are some ways to use visual aids effectively:

*Calendars and Planners: Use physical or digital calendars and planners to schedule tasks and appointments. Color-coding can help differentiate between types of tasks.

*Sticky Notes: Place sticky notes with reminders in prominent places, such as on your computer monitor, fridge, or bathroom mirror.

*Digital Tools: Use apps and digital tools that provide reminders and alerts. Tools like Todoist, Trello, and Evernote can help you organize tasks and set reminders.

By keeping visual reminders visible, you can reduce the risk of forgetting important tasks and deadlines.

7. Develop Routines

Routines provide structure and predictability, which can be very beneficial for individuals with ADHD. Establishing consistent daily routines can help you manage your time more effectively and reduce the likelihood of procrastination. Here’s how to develop effective routines:

*Morning Routine: Start your day with a consistent morning routine that includes activities such as exercise, breakfast, and planning your day. This sets a positive tone for the rest of the day.

*Work Routine: Create a routine for your workday that includes specific times for focused work, breaks, and administrative tasks. Stick to this routine as closely as possible.

*Evening Routine: End your day with a routine that helps you wind down and prepare for the next day. This might include reviewing your accomplishments, setting goals for the next day, and relaxing before bed.

Routines help create a sense of order and predictability, making it easier to manage your time and stay on track.

8. Seek Accountability

Accountability can be a powerful motivator for individuals with ADHD. Sharing your goals and progress with someone else can help you stay committed and avoid procrastination. Here are some ways to build accountability into your routine:

*Accountability Partners: Find a friend, family member, or colleague who can act as your accountability partner. Share your goals and check in with each other regularly.

*Support Groups: Join a support group for individuals with ADHD. Sharing your experiences and challenges with others who understand can provide valuable support and encouragement.

*Professional Coaching: Consider working with a coach who specializes in ADHD. A coach can help you set goals, develop strategies, and stay accountable.

Accountability helps you stay focused on your goals and provides encouragement and support when you need it most.

9. Incorporate Rewards

Incorporating rewards into your routine can provide motivation and positive reinforcement for completing tasks. Here’s how to use rewards effectively:

*Set Milestones: Break tasks into smaller milestones and reward yourself for completing each one. For example, treat yourself to a favorite snack or a short break after completing a section of a project.

*Choose Meaningful Rewards: Select rewards that are meaningful and motivating to you. This might include activities you enjoy, such as reading a book, watching a movie, or spending time with friends.

*Avoid Overindulgence: While rewards are important, avoid overindulging in activities that can become distractions. Use rewards as a way to motivate yourself to complete tasks, not as an excuse to procrastinate further.

Rewards provide positive reinforcement and make completing tasks more enjoyable, which can help you stay motivated and on track.

10. Practice Self-Compassion

Practicing self-compassion is essential for managing procrastination and maintaining a positive mindset. It’s important to recognize that everyone, especially individuals with ADHD, face challenges and setbacks. Here’s how to practice self-compassion:

*Acknowledge Your Efforts: Recognize the effort you put into tasks, even if the outcome is not perfect. Celebrate small victories and progress.

*Avoid Self-Criticism: Be kind to yourself and avoid harsh self-criticism. Understand that procrastination is a common challenge and that you are not alone.

*Learn from Mistakes: Instead of dwelling on mistakes or setbacks, view them as learning opportunities. Reflect on what you can do differently next time and move forward.

Self-compassion helps you maintain a positive attitude and resilience, making it easier to overcome procrastination and stay motivated.

11. Explore Medication and Therapy

For many individuals with ADHD, medication and therapy can be effective tools for managing symptoms and reducing procrastination. It’s important to consult with a healthcare provider to determine the best approach for your specific needs.

*Medication: Stimulant medications such as Adderall and Ritalin, as well as non-stimulant medications like Strattera, can help improve focus and reduce impulsivity. Your doctor can help you find the right medication and dosage.

*Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a highly effective psychological treatment that can address various issues. CBT focuses on changing unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviors, making it a valuable tool for individuals with ADHD who struggle with procrastination.

Medication and therapy should not be overlooked as key components of effectively managing procrastination and charting a path forward to overcoming this difficult challenge. 

Overcoming procrastination for individuals with ADHD is a multifaceted challenge that requires a combination of practical strategies, behavioral changes, and cognitive adjustments. By breaking tasks into smaller steps, utilizing time management techniques like the Pomodoro Technique, prioritizing effectively, and creating a structured environment, individuals with ADHD can significantly reduce the tendency to procrastinate. Additionally, setting specific goals and deadlines, using visual aids and reminders, developing consistent routines, seeking accountability, incorporating rewards, and practicing self-compassion are essential components in managing procrastination. 

Ultimately, overcoming procrastination involves a personalized approach that combines self-awareness, structured routines, and consistent practice of effective strategies. With persistence, support, and the right tools, individuals with ADHD can break free from the cycle of procrastination, achieve their goals, and lead more productive and fulfilling lives. The journey requires patience and effort, but the rewards of improved productivity and self-confidence are well worth it.

By Matthew Hesselgrave, ADHD/BIPOLAR Coach

What Could Have Been: Grieving Relationship Loss

What Could Have Been: Grieving Relationship Loss

By Ashley Bryan MS, LMHCA

Grief. It might be one of the scariest and most unfair feelings humans face. You’ve probably read, or at least heard, of the stages of grief. No other emotion gets its entire own category and breakdown.

It’s confusing and hard - usually tied to the loss of something, and generally outside of our control. Grief is usually linked with death of a loved one, but the same feeling also happens in the loss of relationships and ideas about what those connections should have looked like had we been able to control the outcome.

Relationships are often intertwined with our hopes and dreams. Over time connecting with someone, they fill gaps in our lives, become a part of our vision. The connection and needs being fulfilled feels invigorating. Many times, the grief belongs here – to the loss of that feeling of connection and fulfillment; the death of our perceived hopes and dreams about this relationship and our future.

There are things you need to know.

1. As with all grief, you will heal but there is no definitive timeline and that is uncomfortable.

Losing a relationship with someone is hard and unfair. It’s okay to feel that way. But continue to remind yourself that there is hope for the future. Find things to look forward to. Practice gratitude for what you still do have. Validate that this is a difficult time for you and practice self-care in return. Mostly, be patient and graceful with yourself.

2. Spend time reconnecting with yourself.

When we lose a relationship with someone we felt connected to, it can feel as though we have lost a part of ourselves. This doesn’t have to be the case. You are still funny. You still like being outdoors. You enjoy your hobbies – though maybe you didn’t do them as often when you shared your time with someone else. Reconnect with the things that make you who you are, reclaim that piece of yourself. Learn that you can provide the things you need for yourself and that you are worthy of that.

3. Reflect on what was not right for you.

During the grief process, it is natural to consider what we feel we have lost. It is important to also understand what we may have gained. It is likely that there were difficulties in the relationship prior to its ultimate ending. Reflecting and understanding this can not only help you move forward through your healing but also set you up for greater success in your next relationship.

4. Look to your support system.

Leaning into your friends and family during this difficult time can not only provide you a way to validate your feelings by speaking freely on them as they arise, but can also remind you of connection you still have with others. Allow yourself to feel what you need and reach for support during this time.

5. Plan for your future.

You still have one – and it is full of potential. Make plans to move towards your hopes and dreams because they are still very much attainable. Adjust what you understand yourself to want based on what you may have learned from this past relationship. You can identify both positive and negative things, but ultimately – use this to build a path to the future you dreamed of.

Although the loss of a relationship can feel daunting, know you are not alone. If you feel you could use support in navigating this difficult time, please contact Thrive today!

Exploring a Child's World: Object Relations Theory in Children's Therapy

By Carin Bertelle

Children are like little explorers, navigating the vast landscapes of their emotions and relationships. Understanding their inner world is crucial for providing effective therapy. One valuable framework for this journey is Object Relations Theory. In this blog post, we'll explore how Object Relations Theory works with children in therapy and its significance in fostering healthy development.

What is Object Relations Theory?

Object Relations Theory, developed by psychoanalyst Melanie Klein and further expanded by others like Donald Winnicott, focuses on the relationships children form with significant others or "objects" in their early years. These objects can be people, but they can also be symbolic representations, toys, or even parts of themselves. The theory suggests that these early relationships profoundly influence a child's emotional and psychological development.

Understanding Internal Objects

In therapy, we delve into a child's internal world by exploring their relationships with external objects. These objects are internalized representations of caregivers and significant figures. Understanding how a child perceives and interacts with these internal objects helps us gain insights into their emotional struggles and coping mechanisms.

Example:

A child who consistently acts out aggressively during play may be expressing feelings of anger and rejection experienced with a caregiver. By understanding this behavior as a reflection of their internal world, therapists can address the underlying emotional pain.

Transference and Counter-transference

Object Relations Theory emphasizes the concepts of transference and counter-transference. Transference occurs when a child projects feelings and expectations onto the therapist based on past relationships. Counter-transference is the therapist's emotional response to these projections. By navigating these dynamics, therapists can help children process unresolved emotions and build healthier relationships.

Example:

A child may unconsciously view the therapist as a parental figure and react with mistrust or clinginess, mirroring their relationship with a parent. The therapist, aware of this transference, can gently guide the child towards understanding and healing these feelings.

Play Therapy and Object Relations

For younger children, play therapy becomes a powerful tool for exploring their internal world. Toys and symbolic play allow children to express thoughts and emotions that may be challenging to articulate verbally. The therapist observes how the child engages with these objects, gaining valuable insights into their inner struggles and strengths.

Example:

During a play session, a child might repeatedly set up scenarios where a toy is abandoned or lost. This could indicate feelings of abandonment or insecurity. The therapist can use these play themes to explore the child's fears and provide reassurance.

Attachment and Security

Object Relations Theory is closely tied to the concept of attachment. Building secure attachments with caregivers is crucial for a child's emotional well-being. In therapy, we work to understand a child's attachment patterns, addressing any disruptions or insecurities. By fostering a secure therapeutic relationship, we aim to provide a reparative experience that can positively impact their overall development.

Example:

A child with an insecure attachment might struggle with separation anxiety. Through consistent and empathetic interactions, the therapist can help the child develop a sense of trust and security, which can translate to more stable relationships outside of therapy.

Integration and Healing

The ultimate goal of incorporating Object Relations Theory into children's therapy is to facilitate integration and healing. By understanding and working through early relational experiences, children can develop healthier internal objects and coping strategies. This sets the foundation for improved emotional regulation, interpersonal relationships, and overall well-being.

Example:

A child who has worked through feelings of abandonment might show increased resilience and confidence, both in therapy and in their daily interactions, demonstrating the healing power of this therapeutic approach.

Object Relations Theory provides a valuable lens through which therapists can understand and support children on their journey of emotional growth. By exploring the intricate web of internal objects and relationships, therapists can guide children toward building a solid foundation for a brighter and more resilient future. Through play, understanding attachment, and navigating emotional projections, we can help children heal and thrive.

If you feel that your child would benefit from working with one of our therapists to explore and help them bring their internal world forward we have current openings!

How Does Play Therapy Work?

How does Play Therapy work? And what happens in a Play Therapy session?

In play therapy, the therapist creates a safe and supportive environment for the child to express themselves through play.Looking at play therapy through the eyes of an adult, it can appear on the surface that they are just playing. However it is never just play! The transformative power of play therapy helps children navigate their emotions, express themselves, and heal from past traumas. Play therapy is a unique and effective approach that allows children to communicate their inner thoughts and feelings through the language of play. Through the use of toys, games, art materials, and other creative mediums, children can explore their experiences, process their emotions, and develop coping skills in a safe and supportive environment. Here is a more detailed breakdown of what typically happens in a play therapy session:

1. Introduction and Building Rapport: The therapist begins by establishing a connection with the child, building trust, and creating a safe space for them to feel comfortable and open. This helps the child feel secure and willing to engage in the therapeutic process.

2. Assessment and Observation: The therapist observes the child's play behavior, interactions with toys, and themes that emerge during the session. This helps the therapist gain insights into the child's emotions, thoughts, and experiences that may be difficult for the child to express verbally.

3. Setting Boundaries and Structure: While play therapy is child-centered and allows for freedom and creativity, the therapist also sets boundaries and structure to ensure safety and consistency within the session. This helps the child understand the therapeutic process and feel secure in the environment.

4. Exploration and Expression: Through various play materials such as toys, art supplies, sand trays, and games, the child is encouraged to explore and express themselves in a non-verbal way. The child may engage in imaginative play, storytelling, role-playing, or creative activities that reflect their inner world and experiences. 

One of the key reasons why play therapy is so important for children is that it provides them with a developmentally appropriate way to express themselves. Children may not always have the words to articulate their thoughts and feelings, especially when they are experiencing stress, anxiety, or confusion. Play therapy offers a non-verbal and symbolic form of communication that allows children to express themselves in a way that feels natural and comfortable to them. By engaging in play, children can externalize their internal struggles, work through difficult emotions, and make sense of their experiences in a way that is meaningful to them.

5. Processing Emotions and Experiences: As the child engages in play, the therapist helps them process their emotions, thoughts, and experiences that may be causing distress or confusion. The therapist may ask open-ended questions, provide reflections, and offer interpretations to help the child make sense of their feelings and behaviors.

6. Developing Coping Skills and Resilience: Through play therapy, children learn to develop coping skills, problem-solving abilities, emotional regulation, and resilience. The therapist may introduce new strategies, techniques, or interventions to help the child manage stress, anxiety, or challenging situations in a healthy way.

7. Building Self-Esteem and Confidence: Play therapy helps children build self-esteem, confidence, and a positive sense of self. By engaging in play activities, children can experience success, mastery, and a sense of accomplishment, which boosts their self-worth and self-efficacy. As they engage in imaginative play, creative expression, and problem-solving activities, children can build resilience, self-awareness, and a positive sense of self. Play therapy provides children with a safe space to take risks, make choices, and learn from their mistakes, all of which contribute to their emotional growth and development.

8. Healing Trauma and Processing Difficult Experiences: For children who have experienced trauma, loss, or other challenging life events, play therapy provides a safe and supportive space to process their feelings, memories, and reactions. Children who have experienced trauma, loss, or significant life changes may struggle to cope with their emotions and may exhibit behavioral difficulties or symptoms of anxiety and depression. Play therapy offers a gentle and supportive approach to helping children work through their trauma, process their feelings, and develop healthy coping strategies. Through the therapeutic relationship with the play therapist, children can experience safety, trust, and emotional support as they navigate their healing journey.

9. Improving Social Skills and Relationships: Through play therapy, children can improve their social skills, communication abilities, and relationships with others. The therapist may facilitate social interactions, role-playing scenarios, and cooperative play activities to help the child practice empathy, cooperation, and conflict resolution. Play therapy provides children with opportunities to explore different roles, perspectives, and scenarios, which can enhance their social and emotional intelligence. By engaging in play with the therapist and other children, children can learn to navigate social interactions, set boundaries, and build healthy relationships based on trust and respect.

10. Closure and Reflection: At the end of the session, the therapist helps the child transition out of the therapeutic space, reflect on their experiences, and process any emotions that may have emerged during the session. The therapist may provide feedback, validation, and support to help the child integrate their play experiences into their daily life.

Play therapy is a dynamic and effective approach that allows children to explore, express, and heal through the language of play. By engaging in play therapy, children can develop essential skills, build resilience, and experience emotional growth in a supportive and nurturing environment. Play therapy is not just a therapeutic intervention – it is a journey of self-discovery, healing, and empowerment for children of all ages.