Friendships are often described as the family we choose and ideally, those relationships offer us connection, joy, and support. A good friend might cheer you on through life’s ups and downs, send funny texts when you’re low, or even (if you’re really lucky) pick you up from the airport.
But not every friendship is as nourishing as we hope. Some connections, whether gradually or from the start can leave us feeling more depleted than uplifted. So how can we tell the difference between a friendship that’s just going through a rough season and one that may be genuinely toxic?
Here are three subtle but important signs to pay attention to:
1. You Leave Hangouts Feeling Drained
One of the most common signs of a toxic friendship is how you feel afterward not just emotionally, but physically. If spending time with a friend consistently leaves you feeling tense, irritable, disappointed, or just… off, that’s worth exploring.
Sometimes our bodies pick up on discomfort before our minds catch up. You might sense that something isn’t quite right even if you can’t pinpoint exactly what. That vague unease? It matters. When we consistently feel emotionally depleted after seeing someone, it’s often a sign that the relationship may not be healthy for us.
A helpful question to ask: Do I feel more energized or more exhausted after spending time with this person?
2. The Conversation Always Circles Back to Them
It’s natural for a friend to sometimes need extra attention. They could be experiencing grief, super stressed, or gone on a series of bad hinge dates. We show up for each other in different seasons. But in a toxic dynamic, the imbalance doesn’t go away. You may notice that the focus is always on them. No matter the topic, they find a way to center themselves.
This kind of one-sided connection can leave you feeling unseen or emotionally neglected. You might walk away from conversations wondering, Did they even ask how I’m doing?
Healthy friendships are mutual. It’s okay to need support and it’s also okay to expect it in return.
3. You Feel Judged, Not Supported
Friends can be brutally honest with us; which is why we often love and hate their advice. True friends can be honest with us, even when it’s hard to hear but there’s a difference between honesty and criticism. Toxic friends often mask judgment as “just being real.” You might notice they regularly put down your choices, compare themselves to you, or criticize things that are important to you like, your clothes, your goals, even your other relationships.
Over time, this can chip away at your self-esteem. You may start feeling smaller around them, more self-conscious, or like you have to shrink parts of yourself to keep the peace.
If being around someone consistently makes you question your worth, that’s a relationship worth re-evaluating.
Moving Forward with Compassion
Friendships are meant to support our growth, not hinder it. And yet, it’s not uncommon for a friendship to start out feeling good and gradually shift into something more draining or hurtful.
Recognizing that a friendship may no longer be healthy is a brave and caring act both for yourself and for the other person. Sometimes, walking away or creating distance is a way of honoring your own well-being.
It doesn’t have to be dramatic or angry. It can simply be a quiet, intentional choice to prioritize peace, authenticity, and mutual respect in your relationships.
You deserve to feel safe, seen, and supported in your friendships. Reassessing who you allow into your emotional space isn’t selfish, it's self-care.
You do not have to navigate this alone, reach out today and we are here to help.