When You Feel Lost
In therapy we see people who often have a hard time naming that they feel lost. Being lost is uncomfortable, confusing, and may feel scary. This feeling impacts people in their early twenties all the way through to their seventies. Despite different circumstances and life stages, the experience of disorientation, of not knowing what comes next or who you are anymore, is remarkably universal.
The truth is, we all go through seasons where our identity, purpose, or direction feels uncertain. And often, those seasons are bookended by transition beginnings, endings, and all the messy in-betweens. Let’s talk about what this can look like at some of the most common turning points in life.
Graduating College: The Pressure to “Figure It All Out”
Graduation is supposed to be a celebration. And it often is. But underneath the caps, gowns, final papers, family drama, and filtered photos it can be a quiet panic:
“What now?”
“Did I choose the right path?”
“Everyone else seems to have a plan and I don’t”
“Shouldn’t I have a big corporate job lined up?”
This stage is full of contradictions: freedom and fear, excitement and grief. The structure that is reading, homework, tests, papers, and projects that guided you for the past 18 years suddenly disappears. For many, their identity was tied to being a student, and now you're asked to build a life without a clear syllabus.
If you feel lost here, it doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’re human. You’re in the space between what was and what will be. Give yourself time to breathe and explore the new unknown.
Quarter-Life and Early Adulthood: Endless Options, No Map
In your twenties and early thirties, it can feel like everyone is on a different timeline. Some are getting married, others are changing careers, and some seem to be traveling the world while you’re just trying to pay rent.
The sense of being lost often stems from comparison and a culture that equates speed with success. People often say that “comparison is the thief of joy” which is true but in this day and age social media has made it hard to avoid seeing other peoples’ highlight reels and wishing yours was the same.
At this stage therapists focus on value alignment over external achievement. Asking the big questions like:
Who are you, really?
What do you care about when no one is watching?
And are you content with yourself when you go to sleep at night?
Feeling solid about who we are as humans can give us the direction we need to move forward. We feel more secure in a path when we know it is one we want for ourselves and not because someone else is on it too.
Empty Nesting: Who Am I Now?
Parents often spend years pouring their energy into raising children. Then, one day, the house is quieter, the calendar emptier, and you start thinking about adopting a pet to fill the void. Empty nesting can bring up grief over a chapter ending, joy and guilt mixed together, and/or sense of invisibility or purposelessness.
Many parents may admit they don’t know what they enjoy anymore or who they are outside their caregiving role. They may struggle within their relationships and not know how to spend 1:1 time with their partners. This moment, while tender, is also a profound opportunity for reconnection to self.
Ask yourself:
What parts of you have been waiting in the wings?
What dreams did you shelve that you can now revisit?
What do you want this next chapter to look like?
Retirement: Losing a Role, Finding a Self
Retirement can be both a relief and a reckoning. Similar to graduating college, after years of structure, routine, and identity tied to work, stepping away can feel like losing part of yourself.
You might think:
“I thought I’d be happier.”
“I don’t know what to do with my time.”
“Who am I without my job?”
This transition challenges our productivity-driven worth. It invites us to redefine purpose not as something we earn, but something we live into. It’s also a time where people reconnect with creativity, service, community, or long-neglected passions.
The discomfort of not knowing what comes next is real. But it also means you're standing at the edge of something new.
Re-direction
Every life stage holds its own version of being lost. But feeling lost isn’t a problem to fix it’s a signal. A call to pause, reflect, and realign. It’s where transformation begins. In therapy, I often say: It’s okay not to have the answers right now. You’re allowed to be in the in-between. You’re allowed to be uncertain. That space isn’t empty, its full of possibility. So if you’re feeling lost, take heart. You’re not alone. You're not off track. You might just be on the edge of becoming more you than ever before.