Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is a therapy modality that uses Family Systems theory—the concept that individuals cannot be fully understood apart from the family—to address issues within a person’s internal world. This approach assumes that we have a variety of sub-personalities, or “parts,” and trying to get to know each of these parts better achieves healing. By learning how different parts of ourselves function as a system, it can become easier to identify the roots of conflict, manage our emotions, and achieve greater well-being.
IFS Therapy Model
The IFS Therapy Model describes that we have a core Self that existed before we were wounded. It is marked my characteristics of curiosity, compassion, connectedness, calmness, flexibility—an openness to the world; a lack of rigidity in beliefs, actions, emotions; a desire to connect with others in healthy interdependence. However, at one point or over a period of time, this core Self becomes wounded due to the brokenness of the world that leaves us in pain, afraid, alone, ashamed. As a result of that harm, our mind transforms into a few different parts in order to make sense of, survive, and move forward from what happened to us.
The IFS model describes these types of parts, which will be outlined below. In general, each of our parts plays a role in achieving self-preservation, so they are validated and recognized as important due to their protective functions. However, our main goal is to prevent each of these parts from taking over our Self, and rather enabling the core Self to be the leader and understand each part, its purpose, and what it needs to step into a less extreme role. Typically, parts of us focused too intensely on self-preservation when the threat is no longer present are assuming extreme roles.
The extreme roles are the ones IFS tries to focus on in therapy work; these parts often underlie compulsive behaviors, or when we feel like we “have to” do things. The goal is to help parts discover their non-extreme roles. There is no such thing as a “bad part.” Parts engaging in non-extreme behavior are very beneficial to us.
There are three distinct types of parts in the IFS model:
1. Managers are protective parts of us that are responsible for maintaining our daily functioning, by keeping away any unwanted or overwhelming emotions or experiences from the outside world. Think of them as the type A project managers, the critical coach, the constant caretaker. They keep pushing you forward to achieve your goals.
2. Exiles are the parts of us that are in a state of pain or trauma, which may result from childhood experiences. Our protective parts (managers and firefighters) exile these parts and prevent them from reaching the forefront of our attention, so that we can maintain proper functioning. These are the parts of us that are being protected. Think of them as the neglected infant, the terrified toddler, the ashamed preteen, etc.
3. Firefighters are protective parts of us that try to distract us when our exiles, or wounded parts, break free from suppression. To protect ourselves from feeling overwhelmed by the pain of the exiles, firefighters try their best to “put the fire out” by any means possible. Typically, this looks like impulsive or compulsive behaviors, because those are the easiest and fastest tools available for self-soothing the burn wounds. Think of them as the compulsive drinker, the compulsive exerciser, etc.
IFS therapy aims to differentiate the Self from the other parts (managers, firefighters, and exiles) making up a person’s inner world. The ultimate goal is to unburden or restore extreme and wounded parts and establish a trusted, healthy, harmonious internal system that is led by the Self.
In a way, the core Self becomes a good internal parent managing the various younger parts it is taking care of, providing for each part’s needs and also utilizing healthy boundaries.
What Might this Look Like?
Let’s illustrate this internal world of parts with an example. Let’s say you were neglected as a young child in early elementary school, due to a single parent who was an alcoholic. They left for work early in the day and didn’t come home until late at night, and then became drunk quickly, leaving little room for caring for you and connecting with you. This would leave you alone a lot, worried about your parent’s safety or ability to care for you, and likely produce feelings of loneliness, sadness, fear, or shame. At that age, it’s very hard to change your situation, and the reality of your unmet needs and desires might seem like too much to bear. Yet, you have to get up and go to school every day, and complete your homework every night, or it could make things worse at home. So your managers step in and try to suppress your feelings—your exiled parts—so that you can complete your tasks. However, sometimes when you are alone at night, or scared when your parent gets drunk, the exiled parts are too much to bear. In order to make the pain stop, you reach for your video game console or your favorite cookies in the pantry. That helps to temporarily stop the pain and you are able to get up the next morning, when your managers kick back in. This is what this powerful system of self-preservation might look like.
An important disclaimer to note, though, is that we all reach for the video game or Netflix show, or cookies from time to time when we experience negative emotions! It’s when these thoughts or behaviors become persistent, seem to hijack our whole self, and end up harming us, that we need to step in to try to unburden and care for these parts.
If you would like someone to work with you through what your different parts and how are they showing up in your life we are here for you.