What Could Have Been: Grieving Relationship Loss
By Ashley Bryan MS, LMHCA
Grief. It might be one of the scariest and most unfair feelings humans face. You’ve probably read, or at least heard, of the stages of grief. No other emotion gets its entire own category and breakdown.
It’s confusing and hard - usually tied to the loss of something, and generally outside of our control. Grief is usually linked with death of a loved one, but the same feeling also happens in the loss of relationships and ideas about what those connections should have looked like had we been able to control the outcome.
Relationships are often intertwined with our hopes and dreams. Over time connecting with someone, they fill gaps in our lives, become a part of our vision. The connection and needs being fulfilled feels invigorating. Many times, the grief belongs here – to the loss of that feeling of connection and fulfillment; the death of our perceived hopes and dreams about this relationship and our future.
There are things you need to know.
1. As with all grief, you will heal but there is no definitive timeline and that is uncomfortable.
Losing a relationship with someone is hard and unfair. It’s okay to feel that way. But continue to remind yourself that there is hope for the future. Find things to look forward to. Practice gratitude for what you still do have. Validate that this is a difficult time for you and practice self-care in return. Mostly, be patient and graceful with yourself.
2. Spend time reconnecting with yourself.
When we lose a relationship with someone we felt connected to, it can feel as though we have lost a part of ourselves. This doesn’t have to be the case. You are still funny. You still like being outdoors. You enjoy your hobbies – though maybe you didn’t do them as often when you shared your time with someone else. Reconnect with the things that make you who you are, reclaim that piece of yourself. Learn that you can provide the things you need for yourself and that you are worthy of that.
3. Reflect on what was not right for you.
During the grief process, it is natural to consider what we feel we have lost. It is important to also understand what we may have gained. It is likely that there were difficulties in the relationship prior to its ultimate ending. Reflecting and understanding this can not only help you move forward through your healing but also set you up for greater success in your next relationship.
4. Look to your support system.
Leaning into your friends and family during this difficult time can not only provide you a way to validate your feelings by speaking freely on them as they arise, but can also remind you of connection you still have with others. Allow yourself to feel what you need and reach for support during this time.
5. Plan for your future.
You still have one – and it is full of potential. Make plans to move towards your hopes and dreams because they are still very much attainable. Adjust what you understand yourself to want based on what you may have learned from this past relationship. You can identify both positive and negative things, but ultimately – use this to build a path to the future you dreamed of.
Although the loss of a relationship can feel daunting, know you are not alone. If you feel you could use support in navigating this difficult time, please contact Thrive today!