Your relationship with social media

By Molly Kitz Ma, lmhca

Social media has connected us in ways we never imagined would be possible. It is a creative outlet for artists, a place for people to share their voices and talents, a community for young people, and a platform to help families and friends remain connected from thousands of miles away. Unfortunately, social media is also highly addictive and often forces us to engage in unhealthy ways. Social media has a way of consuming us and controlling how we function, how we work, and how we interact with others. As we enter into a new season (come on summer, we are waiting!), let’s focus on how we can maintain a healthy relationship with social media. 

Stop Scrolling First Thing in the Morning

We are all guilty of rolling over first thing in the morning and grabbing our cell phones just to scroll social media. Before we even have time to rub our eyes, we are bombarded with bad news and forced to engage with the rest of the world in a sometimes, unhealthy manner. Starting your day off with social media can impact your productivity levels but more importantly, can impact your mood and set the tone for your entire day. Try to set a habit and instead of reaching for your phone, reach for a book or a cup of a coffee! Allow yourself time to wake up and connect to yourself before forcing yourself to connect to the rest of the virtual world!

Set Boundaries

If you find yourself using social media more than you would prefer, it’s time to set boundaries and be intentional with your social media use. Most cell phones nowadays are able to show you just how many hours you spend each day on social media. While this can lead to feelings of shame or embarrassment, you can utilize this tool to help set boundaries and healthy limits on your social media use. Even limiting your use by 15-20 minutes can significantly improve your mental health. Think of what you could be doing with an extra 15-20 minutes in your day!

Press that Unfollow Button

Social media platforms are a playground for influencers and celebrities. Some of these accounts are helpful and can provide you with motivation and ideas. On the flip side, many accounts can leave us with feelings that ultimately harm our overall well-being and mental health. If you find that your social media feed is filled with accounts that cause you to feel upset, stressed, unhappy, or negatively impacts your self-confidence – UNFOLLOW! You have control when it comes to what you expose yourself to on a daily basis. Don’t be afraid to unfollow accounts that don’t build you up. 

Social media is a highlight reel! Don’t compare your whole life to a snapshot.

Don’t Compare

You have heard this before….social media is a highlight reel! You would probably agree that you only post photos or highlights when you feel or look like your best self. Certainly, we are not going to post a picture of us on Instagram when we first wake up. Keep this in mind when you are scrolling. Try not to get down on yourself and compare your life to others while viewing only a small part of their life. And if all else fails, follow the step above this one and unfollow!

Take a Break

It’s ok to decide to take a break from social media. Whether that break lasts 1 day or 30 days or maybe it’s even permanent. Cell phones make it easy to simply delete apps off your phone to help with the temptation of using (don’t worry – deleting the app won’t delete your account!). Disconnecting with social media can have a positive impact on your mental health and productivity! If taking a break seems too drastic, try silencing notifications so you aren’t constantly being alerted. 

Social media isn’t all bad – it is an amazing tool that has positively impacted many parts of our lives. However, just like anything else, sometimes too much of a good thing can turn bad. Personalize your social media interactions, feeds, and engagements so they best suit you and help you maintain a healthy relationship with the virtual world. 

Uncertainty and what to do about it.

If there was ever a theme for the past couple of years, uncertainty would be a contender. It feels as though we are living in uncertain times.  Uncertain of how COVID is going to mutate and the continued impacts we are experiencing.  Impacts either from the virus itself or how we live our day to day lives.  Recently we are faced with the devastation and uncertainty of the Ukrainian people. First a pandemic and now war.  That is a heavy sentence.  Our lives are filled with the feeling of uncertainty.

When we are feeling uncertain it is easy to feel overwhelmed.  It is easy to feel that everything is out of control. It is easy to get swept up in a spiral of powerlessness. Where we cannot control everything, we do have agency. 

It is helpful to look at what is happening beneath the initial reaction and the initial feeling.  It is counter-intuitive to be curious at what is causing discomfort for us. The more we run away or collapse into our feelings of uncertainty, the more powerless we feel. 

We know what happens when we run away from our feelings.  A small sampling of what we find ourselves doing is: numbing out on social media, isolating from people in our life, feeling apathetic, drinking more than we ought to, stop showing up for ourselves and let our days coast by.  We believe the lie that we cannot do anything to make a difference.

When we collapse into our feelings, we consume more and more news.  We despair that this is the way life is always going to be, we isolate from people, we give up pursuing (dreams, goals or people).  We believe the lie that nothing matters.

When we are curious and turns toward our uncertainty; we become empowered, we engage and connect.  By looking at the places we find ourselves overwhelmed, we begin to see the patterns of that feeling in our lives.  When we see the pattern, we are then able to heal.  Why does the constantly evolving nature of COVID create anxiety?  Perhaps it is because we grew up in chaos and have made a commitment to never be out of control again.  Perhaps it is the countless childhood stories you have of goodness or hope being dangled in front of you only to be ripped away again.

Whether you move towards running away from your feeling or collapse, or flip flop between the two, one thing is constant and that is the sense of isolation and the need to pull away.  When we isolate we do not show our face.  We cannot bear to have our face be seen and we long to be seen—this is the paradox.  We need one another.  We need other people to see where we are at and say, “You are not alone. You do not have to be alone in this.” We do not need anyone to offer us a platitude but we do need someone to sit with us.  The power of presence is what chases away uncertainty.  It is okay to feel overwhelmed, uncertain, powerless and stuck.  And having another person bear witness to us in these moments creates doorways for us to walk through. 

Where can you be seen? Whom can you share your stories with?  Who sees you? Who has seen you? Who do you see? Where have you pulled away and isolated?

My invitation to you is to reach out to someone today.  Intentionally engage.

If right now reaching out to people in your life feels too big, we are available to be with you.  Reach out to us here. 

For helping the Ukrainian people: Saint Javelin and Unite With Ukraine

Playing for restoration

It’s cold and dark out.  In the Seattle area, we call this January.  We are a few weeks out from Christmas and New Years.  Our homes are put back to order, for many our New Years resolutions are put back on the shelf—to be revisited at the end of the year.  A common refrain that I have been hearing is one of tired and listlessness.  There is also an increase in anxiety and depression with the fast-paced Omicron.  The way that Omicron is spreading it is leading to questions of when vs if.  We are all longing for something.  We are tired. This has been a long two years of living in a pandemic.  For many our resiliency is frayed. 

Where do we go from here?  We need to play.  We need to increase our play, our adventure and our rest.  "The opposite of play is not work - the opposite of play is depression." Says Dr. Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play.  We have been working hard, especially during this pandemic.  We are in desperate need for levity.  All good play leaves us more refreshed and feeling alive at the end of it. 

For many adults when we think of play, we think we don’t have time for it:

·      it’s a thing from our past

·      we are too busy

·      when we complete ----, we will have time for it. 

I would like to argue the opposite.  If we do not make time for play and adventure, we will begin to experience a breakdown of our bodies and our minds.  We are wired for play.  Children are creative, curious, and inventive.  Somewhere along the way we lose sight of this and our capacity for play gets replaced with a demand for productivity and accomplishment.  Do you remember the last time you laughed until you had tears streaming down your face? Or you settled in to watch a good movie--and you really watched the movie instead of being on your phone or computer?

How do we reconnect with play? Good play always involves risk.  Enough risk that you are required to be all in.  In good play there is no past or future, there is just the present.  The beauty of this is the definition of good play is unique to you.  The possibilities are endless, but the result is the same—Restoration. 

What are some ways that you get recharged?  Here are some examples of restorative play:

·      Working on a puzzle

·      Hiking

·      Skiing

·      Sitting by water

·      Bird watching

·      Cooking

·      Trying a new restaurant

·      Going for a bike ride

My challenge to you is to block off time on your calendar and go play.  If not now, when?  Now seems like a very good time to me to plan an adventure and book out play. Everything will be the here when you re-enter.  But you will be different.  By playing you are increasing your resiliency, building in goodness to your body and mind and boosting your immune system. 

If you need help figuring out how to get started with play, to reconnect with your curiosity and creativity, we are here to help.

Ending 2021 Well

By Ashley Bryan MA, LMHCA

If you’re like me, time seems to fly endlessly. It can be difficult to find moments in which we are able to relish rather than moving straight into the next. 2021 has not been entirely different. A blink of a year almost, until we sit and reflect. Another difficult year for so many. As we move into 2022 many of us discuss how we can start that year. What new goals can I make? How can I do this year differently? How can I create a less difficult year for myself? Those are important questions to ask ourselves, surely. However, how do we find real answers to these questions? Being mindful of our emotional health is exactly where we should begin. Through self-reflection our self-awareness grows, therefore creating a space to understand what we are capable of and what we need to work on.

The humanity inside of us often has us run from scary things. From the bad, hard, indifferent moments in our lives. Away from discomfort. Because of this, many of us just close off what we have faced during difficult times and therefore cannot understand how to create necessary change moving forward or give ourselves credit for change we have already established. This is where we can identify strengths and resiliencies as well as fallacies and short comings. I ask you to sit with me in this space and reflect without running.

What was hard for you this year? What did you do about it? How did you survive to see 2022? When times get difficult people often forget what their strengths were. There is a reason you were able to pass through a challenge in your life. Maybe it’s your own tenacity. Maybe it’s the connectedness you had with others. It could be because you engaged in a lot of self-care. Whatever the reason – note it.

I could not have survived these difficult moments if I had not…… (fill in the blank, this is your starting point).

Now what could you have used more of? Think of it this way:

I would have been able to handle that better if I had…… (again, reflect on this and take note). This should give you an outline on what has helped create emotional health for you during this past year and what your needs are moving into the next. Valuing your emotional health should serve as a guideline on how to move forward – this is where we find the answers to what our goals for 2022 should be.

Upon reflecting, what are some starting points to care for our emotional health?

• Care for your physical health: Exercise, give your body foods it needs, sleep good hours, see your physician, and avoid substance use – particularly if you’re using it to cope with challenges.

• Manage stress: Balance tasks, include hobbies, ask for help. Incorporating mindfulness activities is also very important. These can include meditation, music, journaling, or talking to someone.

• Keep connected: Surround yourself with friends and family. Do your part to engage in relationships. Find a space in your village that is comfortable and nourishing to you.

If you feel like you cannot reflect on the year alone, reach out to us today so we can help guide you through processing this difficult time and make a plan to lead you to a fulfilling, authentic 2022.

Navigating Family during the holidays

By Lindsay Deiley MA, LMHCA

Ah, the holidays. A season of great joy…and many times, a season of endless frustration with our families. Family gatherings can be a great chance to create new memories, with fun and laughter. For some, however, they can also open up old wounds, and even create new wounds. It can be difficult to know how best to approach family gatherings during the holidays. Do I go? Do I stay home and avoid the potential conflict? If I go and there is conflict, how do I stay true to myself, but also not rock the boat? Or maybe, do I want to do things differently this year and begin to rock the boat, begin to change the dynamics in my family that I am just sick of? It often feels like choosing between two bad options: attending the family gathering and pretending to be someone you’re not, or skipping out altogether and possibly missing out on the good times. The first gives you a chance to participate in the joy of company and of the season, but forces you to be inauthentic and incongruent with your inner self. The second allows you to stay true to yourself, but also leads you to being alone and fosters greater isolation and disconnection.

But what if I asked you to consider a third option? What if, this holiday season, you didn’t need to make an action plan on doing things differently with your family? What if the third option I suggested to you was, simply, to observe? A third option is to pretend to be a third-party detective—a curious, perceptive outsider—while you are at your family gatherings, and simply, notice how everyone is interacting. How do your parents talk to each other and to you? How do they react when things become stressful? What relational patterns do you notice coming up? How do you notice you are different when you’re with them? Do you become more anxious and fixated on being a pleaser? Do you become more reserved and numb? What role do you find yourself stepping into? Some of my favorite questions also revolve around age. How old do you feel inside when you are at home for the holidays? For example, if you are a 32-year-old woman, do you still feel like an adult at home, or do you begin to feel invisible and timid, like an 8-year- old little girl? Notice how others relate to you, how you relate to others, and how you relate to yourself in the presence of your family.

This simple act of noticing is often the first step to breaking free from the entanglement of our families of origin. Once we identify the roles that we step into in the presence of our families, we can make sense of why these roles were necessary in order to help us survive, to succeed, or to feel safe and loved. Then, we can decide if these roles are as honoring to us today as they were when we were younger. Often, we realize that they hurt us more now than they help us. We can bless those parts of us that took on roles to protect us in the past, while looking forward to a future with our family in which we can choose a different role to take on—one that is more honoring to our true selves. Changing our roles in our families can often be the catalyst for upending the entire family dynamic. Because of this, it can lead to more conflict initially. However, in taking the courage to create new patterns in your family by stepping out of old ones, you are inviting everyone in your family to greater freedom and depth in relationships than your family system has ever known.

Families are hard. As the old saying goes, you can’t live with them, and you can’t live without them. They are great sources of joy and security, and they can also be sources of frustration and harm. You can change the dynamic by simply starting to notice how you show up in your family. We at Thrive Counseling Kirkland would love to come alongside you as you begin to observe your family dynamics, and we want to help you break free of places you may feel bound by in your family and pursue greater freedom and depth in these relationships.

Fall blues

By Lindsay Deiley MA, LMHCA

The leaves have changed and begun to fall. As we see the barren trees and vibrant colors littering the cold, dewy grass, we are faced with both the loss and growth, the grief and joy, of the changing seasons. Summer is a time of vibrancy, a season full of life. Long, sunny days that stretch on endlessly, inviting us to consider and explore the possibilities that life holds. Soon the days begin to shorten, the world seems to darken, and leaves transform into a cascade of golden red. One by one, they let go of their summer home and succumb to the earth, ushering in a new season—a season of shorter days, barren trees, and for us in the Pacific Northwest, endless rainfall. The changing landscape surrounding us invites us to consider the inherent rhythms and rituals of nature and reflect on the place of rhythm and ritual our own lives.

For many people, this ushering in of fall brings with it a shift in mood, in perspective. Some people enjoy the light pitter-patter of rain as background music and can’t wait to curl up by the fire with a good book on dark nights. However, some people experience something known as “fall blues,” as the joy and life of summer gives way to familiar feelings of grief, of heaviness, of succumbing. For some, the new season seems to usher in a thin blanket of darkness that they can’t seem to shake off until nature again awakens in spring and summer. During this time, it can be a challenge to pursue joy and life, when nature around us seems to be hibernating. After all, work still needs to get done, the house needs to be cleaned, and kids need help with homework. Our society continues to sprint forward, despite the slowing down we see outside our own windows and in our very backyards. How can we manage the incongruence between our inner world and the world around us? How do we stay present to our inner experiences of grief and heaviness and still intentionally choose to participate in life with joy each day?

Rhythms and rituals can aid us during these times of transition, during times when we feel a disconnect between our internal and external worlds. They can help us stay mindful to and express our inner experiences, while providing us forward momentum that carries us through difficult times. A ritual is a ceremonial act, often associated with spirituality of religion, that has meaning and is repeated in a precise, consistent manner. Some examples might be prayer or meditation, birthday celebrations, and family game nights. Similarly, rhythms are regularly recurring sequences of events, also often referred to as routines. Some examples include Tuesday Taco Nights, laundry on Saturdays, and meal prepping on Sundays. These could often be interchangeable, depending on you or your culture.

Rhythms and rituals provide consistency and predictability, and this creates a level of comfort and safety for our bodies, in an otherwise changing and heavy world. A rhythm or ritual could look like so many different things! It could look like doing 10 minutes of yoga at the beginning and end of every day, cooking dinner with a partner at night, weekly coffee with a good friend, or taking a warm bath at night to decompress. No matter what it looks like, it should bring a sense of calm and relief to your mind and body and reconnect you with yourself and/or others. It should bring you life and awaken the part of you, however small, that wants to pursue joy, wholeness, and integration.

In establishing these rhythms and rituals, we can bring life and grounding to our inner worlds in a time of transition and heaviness. In doing so, we also reflect the rhythms of nature we see around us, bringing harmony to our inner selves by mirroring our outer world. By marking the transition from summer to fall with rituals, and by using rhythms to guide us through fall and winter until the world awakens in spring, we can signal to our bodies and minds that change is coming—and that it need not be something to fear, but instead, can invite us to a period of grief and rest, in anticipation of days of joy and adventure to come.

If you are needing someone to walk with you through the transition into fall and winter, to help establish rituals that bring life and pursue we are here for you. You do not have to do this alone, reach out today.

Why does gratitude matter?

by Ashley Bryan MS, LMHCA

I’m thankful for. I am fortunate to have. I appreciate.

All important sentiments as we wrap up another year. Another tough year at that. We are still feeling burdens of the pandemic and a social division that has created many hardships for many people.

“Hopefully next year is better.” “Can’t wait for 2022.”

These are the sentiments being distributed. And for good reason. It’s been HARD.

But has there been good? Have we been blessed? Do we have value in our life?

Gratitude is a vital emotion to embrace and connect with. Being grateful runs much deeper than #ThankfulThursday or #Blessed. Deeper than a thank you to the person who passed us the salt or the gentleman that held the door open.

What does it mean to be grateful? Feeling gratitude creates a space where we are able to be still and understand value in our lives and the people who surround us. Being grateful elicits an ability to receive both tangible and intangible blessings gracefully and soundly. True appreciation for life comes from the ability to feel genuine gratitude.

Being grateful holds many benefits to ourselves and others.

Mental health has been shown to improve drastically when we hold gratitude in our lives. When we allow stress and anxiety to consume us we often lose sight of the value to life. Negativity is always easier to see than positivity but gratitude creates a space where we are forced to see the positive aspects of our lives therefore creating hopefulness and serenity even in difficult moments.

Physical health is increased by incorporation of gratitude. Feeling positivity over stress allows for our bodies to thrive. We are more easily able to get quality sleep and take care of ourselves when we can focus on what we have to live for. Being grateful creates a desire to care for ourselves.

Relationships thrive when we utilize gratitude. Receiving things gratefully allows us a space to become thankful for the people in which we are receiving these things from. When we are thankful we show this appreciation to the important people in our lives and find ourselves in space in which we are able to also become more generous to these people in return, creating hopeful joy in a systemic manner.

Gratitude makes us resilient.

If we have no gratitude, we lose hope. We cannot value our lives without gratitude. Without value we can have no reason to overcome difficult moments and thrive.

But how do we display gratitude?

The fast paced, mundane tasks of life have led us to a slowed connection with gratitude. Surely most of us find ourselves saying “thank you” when we are given something or feel that somebody was there for us but how much of that has become a robotic response and how much of that is genuinely deep gratitude? Because this response has become an elicited action it does not often accompany true levels of gratitude. Gratitude should be intentional.

Write it down. Find time to privately embrace what you’re thankful for.

Pay it back. Make a plan to give other people a reason to feel grateful.

Elaborate. Make note of how life is different because of what you have.

DO THESE THINGS WITH REGULARITY.

Life is hard for everyone. Ugliness is obvious. Difficulty is exhausting. It would be EASY to sit and wonder why we have it so bad but this is not healthy. For yourself and for others, find what it is that makes it so good. So worth it. Challenge yourself to make gratitude a part of your daily routine and see how it changes your perspective. People do not regret being grateful. Gratitude does not harm your life.

If you are having a hard time finding what to have gratitude for contact us today. We are grateful for you.

Healthcare Professionals: We see you

Healthcare Professionals: You Can’t Pour From an Empty Cup

Molly Kitz MA, LMHC

Over the last year and a half, healthcare professionals have worked tirelessly to save countless lives and work towards a new sense of normalcy. The COVID-19 pandemic has added another layer to the already stressful field of healthcare. Trauma of losing patients to COVID-19, longer hours/more shifts, taking on new roles within your position, shortage of protective equipment, concern for the well-being of yourself and your family, the ongoing uncertainty when it comes to potential staffing shortages as a result of the vaccine mandate, and compassion fatigue.

Compassion fatigue and burnout are two experiences that many healthcare professionals will or have experienced in their career. So, what is compassion fatigue? Sometimes referred to as secondary trauma, compassion fatigue is the emotional, psychological, and even physical impact of being in a helping profession and taking on the trauma and stress related to your job. It eventually leads to worsening mental health symptoms including feelings of hopelessness, depression, exhaustion, dissatisfaction, irritability, and eventually burnout. Burnout is the unfortunate outcome of ongoing stress and trauma in the workplace. It leads to exhaustion, reduced effectiveness and productivity at work, and mistrusting or feelings of doubt. Burnout and compassion fatigue not only impact you as healthcare workers, but also the work environment and the care provided to patients. Unfortunately, the battle against COVID-19 has been long and draining, which has drastically increased already very high rates of burnout amongst healthcare workers. 

Do not neglect yourself.

Your mental health is key to keeping you physically and emotionally healthy.

It might be easy to recognize when it is time to seek help for your mental health but for many professionals, burnout and compassion fatigue are far too normalized. Don’t neglect yourself. Managing your mental health is key!

Ways to Manage Your Mental Health 

1. Seek therapy: you have likely heard this a million times over the last year and a half, but seeking therapy is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Experiencing stress, trauma, and compassion fatigue as a healthcare worker are inevitable but a mental health professional can help you manage and process your experiences and trauma through the use of various therapeutic modalities and coping skills. Pro tip: Reach out to your employer and ask for information about your company’s EAP (employee assistance program), which often provides free counseling sessions for your and your family. 

2. Feel the feelings: your job is a stressful one, no doubt. Feeling the emotions and impacts from high stress work is in no way a reflection on your ability to effectively perform your job or a sign of weakness. Give yourself the grace and time to feel all of your emotions and if too heavy to carry alone, follow step 1 or 3. 

3. Stay connected: your colleagues can understand the immense pressure that comes from working through a pandemic as a healthcare worker. Stay connected with each other, talk to a trusted supervisor or colleague, perform check-ins. You are stronger together!

4. Take care of yourself: take your breaks, take your lunches, use your PTO, get outside! You are working and living in a difficult time, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get to care for yourself. Make sure to feed your soul with things that make you happy and utilize coping strategies that help you manage your stress to avoid burnout.

5. Check your quality of life: if you feel that you may be experiencing compassion fatigue, the professional quality of life scale can help you better understand your own experiences as well as the many symptoms that come with compassion fatigue. 

Although there are stressors and trauma related to the healthcare field, there is also a level of compassion satisfaction, the positive feelings associated with helping or healing others, that you probably feel. Being a healthcare professional is a noble calling. Your job as a healthcare professional is one that requires you to care endlessly for your patients and sometimes, their family members. But you can’t pour from an empty cup - caring for others also requires that you care for yourself. Remind yourself that although you are working through a challenging time, your work is important, selfless, and beyond appreciated.  

Healthcare professionals, we thank you for the work that you have provided and are continuing to provide. Reach out today to receive care for you, you are important and you matter.

First Responders

Firefighters, Law Enforcement Officers, EMT's: The Other Heroes During COVID-19

By Molly Kitz MA, LMHCA

Practicing Self-Care as a First Responder During COVID-19

Over the last 18 months, first responders have experienced a variety of environmental stressors beyond the already stressful nature of your job. Public distrust, civil unrest, increased natural disasters, political strife, and staffing concerns are just a small list of the stressors plaguing you as a first responder. And then you add COVID-19 to the mix and the level of emotional stress and uncertainty drastically increases. The job of a first responder typically involves uncertain situations - there are certain facts that you must take into consideration when responding to calls but there is also an element of uncertainty that comes with each call. COVID-19 is one of those situations where you can’t articulate the threat, leaving lots of uncertainty and emotional exhaustion. 

Much like other helping professionals, first responders experience excessive stress both on and off the job. Throughout the pandemic, you as first responders have worked in challenging conditions to ensure safety in the community. However, the job of a first responder is not one that stops as soon as the shift ends. In the world of COVID-19, you have to be concerned about the health and safety of not only your own family but also the citizenry that you come in contact with on a day-to-day basis. It can feel like there is no escaping the COVID-19 pandemic, as the high stress of being a first responder has begun permeating every facet of your lives. 

Now more than ever, it is imperative that you prioritize your own self-care and well-being to help alleviate stress and trauma related to your position. By prioritizing self-care, you can avoid falling into negative, maladaptive behavior patterns, which can ultimately help avoid burnout. 

Ways to Practice Self-Care

1. Remain connected with those around you. Utilize your social support systems and maintain strong relationships, even in a time when social distancing remains important. Focus on your team dynamic as your team is your family while on and off the job

2. Practice good sleep hygiene. Get yourself into a bedtime routine, which might include setting sleep and wake times, limiting screen time, and creating an environment that promotes restful sleep

3. Maintaining an exercise routine remains important when it comes to feeling your best. Find an exercise routine that works for you and meets your needs; this looks different for everyone!

4. Practice relaxation techniques. Box breathing is something simple yet powerful technique you can do to help with relaxation:    

   1. Close your eyes and begin inhaling for 4 seconds, breathing in through your nose

   2.  Hold your breath for 4 seconds, trying to emphasize relaxing your jaw

   3. Exhale slowly for 4 seconds

   4. Repeat until your feel relaxed, ideally 1 to 3 times

5. Seek professional help. Knowing when to reach out to a mental health professional to discuss your symptoms is an important part of practicing self-care. At Thrive Counseling Kirkland we have therapists who know and understand your world and what you face both on and off the job. There also an abundance of mental health and crisis resources available to First Responders including Code 4 Northwest.

6. Self-Care Toolkit is a great source to utilize for practicing further self-care methods that are especially helpful for first responders

Knowing when to reach out is an important part of self care and trauma resiliency

Whether you are EMS, fire, or LE, environmental stressors can impact you at any given time. Working as a first responder during a pandemic adds an additional layer of stress, uncertainty, and exhaustion. Although you are used to putting the needs of the community that you serve first, practicing self-care in the midst of the current climate is important to maintaining your mental health, your resiliency, and your passion for your job.

If you would like support, we are available, reach out today. We thank you and support you as you serve tirelessly and endlessly for our community.

Trauma and COVID-19

We are in month 20 of the COVID-19 pandemic, I think.  It’s hard to gauge how many months have passed or even when to start tracking the months.  Is it the first case we became aware of?  The first death in the US? Or do we start tracking it on when our world got shut down?  The way in which we track the impact of the pandemic on our lives is going to be individual.  Individual because trauma is individual. 

The way the COVID-19 pandemic intersects with our personal narrative is going to bring past traumas into the present.  There is going to be a remembering of what we so long to forget.  Trauma is stored in our bodies, what does that mean?  It means that our bodies hold our stories even when our minds have no desire or capacity to remember. It is why certain smells can take you back to earlier days. It is why we equate songs, places, foods, sights, and experiences to being either good or bad.  It is because our body remembers. With the pandemic we find ourselves still living in, we are all called to remember our “before.” Where we were before everything changed.  The last day of kids being in class, the last dinner party, the last birthday celebration, the last vacation, etc.  There is heartache in remembering the before.  There is heartache in longing to return to what was.  And there is freedom in facing where our current trauma is recalling pain from the past. Pain and fear shape how we act and how we react.

Trauma is also collective.  Undoubtedly, the world is suffering a collective trauma right now and has been during this pandemic.  The places we have constructed for ourselves to make sense of the world, no longer work.  The routines and plans we create to keep a sense of control on our lives have been upended.  Turning on the news we are faced with increasing devastation and loss. To have been offered a lifeline, the vaccine, the cure to the shutdown and to have it be taken as easily as it was offered is devastating.  It is also demoralizing, as humans we are made for community.  We are made to share meals, celebrate together, grieve together.  Our longing to be back together is real and it is good.  The desire to share a smile, a handshake and/or a hug are good desires.  The pandemic has tainted those desires with fear. 

We are still in the pandemic, the uncertainty of life has been exposed in a way that it has not before, why engage our personal trauma? It is through engaging our trauma and our individual experiences that create a familiar sense to the chaos and harm we are currently experiencing that brings healing.  Without healing, anxiety and depression, isolation and fear and pain take precedent.  Beginning the brave journey of naming where we are reacting from our past stories in our present, brings healing.  And that healing changes our trajectory.  We need not live a life protecting our wounds from the past and turning a blind eye to the chaos they are creating in the present.  Facing our wounds with kindness, acknowledging that harm was done and is being done, we find freedom and goodness.  We begin to feel fully alive, maybe for the first time, maybe it’s been years since you have felt alive. You are worth feeling alive and being free. 

We are all exhausted from living through the pandemic.  What if instead of being powerless, we used the experience we have for healing? Feeling powerless is a familiar feeling for many, and it’s a feeling that many have vowed to never experience again.  Where has that vow to not be powerless and the current pandemic intersecting for you?  What wounded places are crying out for care and attention?

You do not have to face the past and the present alone.  We are here and available to walk with you as you bravely press forward and declare that you want something more.  That you are wanting a life that is alive and connected.

FIRST RESPONDERS AND MENTAL HEALTH CARE; THE DILEMMA AND THE SOLUTION

“Until you put your life up as collateral for another life, you don’t know what life saving is about”

by KATHRYN GALLOUPE MSW, LICSW, SUDPC

It can be daunting to find a therapist who is competent to understand civilian issues and is agood personal fit, but for First Responders and those on the front lines, there is much more to consider when seeking out mental health care than competence and a good fit.

It is these additional issues that often keep First Responders from seeking out mental health treatment. While civilians have a lot to consider when pursuing mental health care, First Responders have many additional fears and questions when it comes to asking for help.

Additional considerations to seeking mental health care for those on the front lines include, but are not limited to:

• Will they be judged as unfit for duty by their Commanders, co-workers, and family?

• Will there be reprisal if they have turned to alternative coping outlets like alcohol, drugs, or other illegal or against policy channels to relieve their pain?

• Are the perceived and/or real repercussions to their reputation too high to admit that they need help?

Not to mention, asking for help can be difficult when everyone looks up to you. Asking for help can carry a perceived stigma of weakness and/or failure to those who everyone admires.

“A number of first responders I know start to find their careers difficult to cope with around the 10-year mark. That’s when the invincibility they felt as new first responders begins to waver, and it becomes apparent that holding on for another 30 years until retirement could be damaging. Traumatic calls add up, and we rarely discuss them with our work or life partners, let alone process them with a trained psychologist. Instead, the stigma of mental illness can make first responders feel like they have no choice but to “pull it together” and move on to the next call.” (Processing Trauma Can’t Wait Until Retirement For First Responders | HuffPost Canada Life (huffingtonpost.ca))

“For a very long time, I felt like asking for help was a sign of weakness.”

The heavy mental and physical toll extracted upon First Responders due to the nature of their service, often alienates them from their family and friends. They often feel that nobody in their lives understand the world in which they survive, and they are right. First Responders protect and serve 24 hours a day. Once their shift ends, they continue to protect their friends and family from the atrocities that they endure daily. First Responders are taught to be courageous, but their courage is unfortunately suffered in silence.

ACUTE AND CHRONIC STRESS OFTEN LEADS TO DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, AND PTSD.

First Responders are trained to respond to emergencies. To endure the witnessing of daily trauma, interact with populations that are dangerous and unpredictable, and to bring the most frightening and shocking scenes to a state of control and safety for all involved. Their bodies are in a constant state of stress or fight or flight response. When under perceived and/or real threat or witness to trauma, the brain’s alarm center is alerted, and the body releases a vast amount of hormones to cope with these environmental changes. “The release of all these chemicals causes important changes in the body’s ability to respond to threats such as increased energy, heart rate and blood sugar; increased arousal and pain relief.” (Charney, 2004)

Living in a constant state of stress can quickly lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD, and/or several other mental health and medical diagnosis. Untreated mental health or medical diagnosis can lead to decreased quality of life, illness and/or an early death. The statistics for First Responders living with PTSD are alarming. “PTSD isn’t just an inconvenience – it can be debilitating and even deadly:

• 20-30 per cent of paramedics have PTSD symptoms.

• 39 first responders committed suicide in Canada in 2015. Approximately 60 per cent of those deaths are related to PTSD, according to the Tema Conter Memorial Trust.”

(ptsdfirstresponderfactsheet.pdf (opseu.org))

“Unknowingly, first responders may wait until they are forced to quit, often after PTSD has scarred their minds and bodies forever.”

First Responders are essential to the lives of everyone.

WHAT IS PTSD?

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental illness. It involves exposure to trauma involving death or the threat of death, serious injury or violence. Traumatic events may include crimes, natural disasters, accidents, or other threats to life. It could be an event or situation that you experience yourself or something that happens to others in the course of your employment. Sometimes it may take several traumatic events before PTSD is diagnosed. This is often referred to as Cumulative PTSD. (ptsd-fact-sheet-final.pdf (opseu.org))

Common Symptoms of PTSD include:

• Recurring flashbacks (memories) of a traumatic or difficult session

• Suicidal Thoughts

• Being on Alert / Looking Out for Danger (Hypervigilance)

• Panic Attacks

• Racing Thoughts / Spiraling

• Feelings of Guilt or Shame

• Feelings of Anxiety

• Feelings of Depression

• Feelings of Anger and Rage

• Nightmares

• Trouble Sleeping

• Insomnia

• Negative Self-Image / Self-Esteem

• Lack of Feeling / Being Emotionally Numb

• Dissociation / Out-of-body Experiences

(Common Symptoms of PTSD Checklist - DVEN)

WHO IS TAKING CARE OF THOSE WHO TAKE CARE OF EVERYBODY?

The good news is that PTSD and all other mental health conditions related to First Responders and those on the front lines are treatable. With the right therapist and therapeutic modality, you can not only get well, but you can also live a life free of PTSD, anxiety, depression, and thought’s of ending your career or worse, suicide.

First Responders are essential to the lives of everyone, and it is the responsibility of the mental health community to have experienced therapists who are skilled in the diagnosis and treatment of First Responders, Veteran’s and front-line workers so that they can live full lives free of the psychological burdens that steal their vitality if left untreated.

As a 25-year veteran provider of psychotherapy and community mental health, I have had tremendous success working with First Responders, Veterans, and those on the front lines of emergencies and the COVID-19 Pandemic. I have served in our emergency departments as a crisis counselor, worked as a mental health professional in corrections and owned a thriving practice for those needing a high level of confidentiality in their mental health treatment.

Currently at Thrive Counseling Kirkland, I specialize in First Responders, Veteran’s, and front-line workers. I concurrently specialize in men’s issues. I would be honored to provide a free consultation and/or work with you in my practice. My goal is to prevent, intervene on, and treat all stages of mental health diagnosis that are common to our First Responders, Veteran’s, and front-line workers. If I am not a good fit for you personally, I am committed to helping you find another therapist to work with.

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RESOURCES:

Emergency help for Police and First Responders

Emergency Responder Resources - King County

Self-care Toolkit for King County First Responders and Essential Personnel

Police resources — Connecting the DOTS (dotsproject.org)

First Responders and Disaster Responders Resource Portal | SAMHSA

Mental health crisis lines | Washington State Health Care Authority

The mental health crisis lines listed below are available for all people in Washington regardless of your income or whether you have insurance or not.

• For immediate help: call 911 for a life-threatening emergency.

• For immediate help with a mental health crisis or thoughts of suicide: contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TRS: 1-800-799-4889)

How your body holds your story

How your body tells the story of you.

By Lindsay Deiley MA, LMHCA

We’ve all been there right? Driving down the highway, listening to music, when a song pops on that—bam!—takes you back to a specific moment in time. The present seems to fade, and your body responds to a specific memory associated with the song. If it’s a happy memory, maybe your body grows warmer and lighter. If it’s a sad memory, your eyes may begin to glisten. If it’s a scary memory, your chest may tighten. Perhaps the song evokes such an overwhelming response from your body that you need to skip to the next song or turn off the music altogether.

Here’s another example…perhaps one that too many of us are familiar with. Have you ever experienced a difficult, or even traumatic, event? Maybe you got into a car accident at that intersection where you pick up coffee on your way to work every day. Although you were not injured, your body remembers this scary experience every time you drive by that intersection. What does that “remembering” look like? Maybe it’s a heightened state of alert—paying extra attention to other cars, riding the break a little more closely. Maybe you realize you are holding your breath. Or maybe, just driving through that intersection evokes so much emotion that you begin to drive a new route to work.

How does your body remember?

Do you hold your breath? Avoid certain places? Does your heart speed up?

Our bodies remember. They are living time capsules, embodied memories of the past, sojourners through the present, and expeditioners toward the future. Not only do our bodies hold memories, but they are also speaking to us, every moment of every day. The stories of our lives are carried in our bodies, waiting to be told and longing to be heard. Can we hear what stories our bodies are telling about our lives, about our greatest hurts and greatest hopes? Do we care to listen?

Important parts of our stories often can be found by paying greater attention to the signals our body is giving us in the present. Some bodies talk louder than others; some have more to say than others. But every single body has a voice, has a story to tell. What does your body have to say?

Your body is a living time capsule.

Our stories can be carried in permanent, visible marks, as well as transient, seemingly invisible ones. Many of us have experiences that physically change us and leave scars. Maybe that scar on your lower abdomen tells something of your joy in conceiving a child, as well as your suffering and disappointment in enduring a caesarian birth. Or maybe the scar below your kneecap reveals something of your perseverance in competitive athletics, as well as the immense cost of a new ACL and months of rehabilitation. Aside from visible scars, our bodies also tell stories in ways that may be invisible to others. Maybe, after a disappointing blind date, an empty pit in your stomach drives you to the bottom of a potato chip bag. Maybe you discover yourself trembling inside after a difficult conversation with your partner. Perhaps you find yourself slamming doors harder than usual after a phone call with an invalidating parent. These bodily responses are “scars” from earlier memories that have been triggered to resurface by something similar in the present.

Unfortunately, many people are conditioned to ignore their bodies’ signals or to have contempt for them. But what if we adopted a disposition of curiosity towards these signals our bodies are trying to give us, instead of contempt? What if we thanked our bodies for trying to tell their stories and invited them to share more, instead of scolding them for speaking up? What parts of our bodies, and therefore, parts of our stories, are we dismissing?

Often, visible and invisible scars are remnants of difficult chapters in our stories that have not been cared for well. Inviting someone to come alongside us, hear our stories, and carry our burdens leads to greater integration, healing, and growth. It fosters increased compassion, attunement, and greater appreciation for our bodies. The counselors at Thrive Counseling Kirkland are dedicated to holding your embodied story with gentle compassion and walking with you on your journey of self-discovery. If you want to learn more about the story your body is trying to tell, reach out today!

Overcoming Anxiety

By Ashley Bryan MS, LMHCA

Shallow breathing, racing heart, chest tightening, thoughts going one million miles per minute. Sometimes it stops there while for others it can lead to physically debilitating symptoms making life seem nearly impossible. You may think this is a physical medical condition being discussed, or maybe you understand too well that we are talking about anxiety.

Anxiety creates mental and physical exhaustion

Everyone faces a degree of anxiousness in their life. It might be that you are feeling anxious about finishing a task you started, or maybe going to work when you know you were late yesterday, and the boss is not going to be happy. It could be that you hate large crowds, and you have to be at your best friend’s wedding this weekend, or possibly that you just don’t like making phone calls and it’s time to schedule an appointment. Whatever the cause, anxiety is uncomfortable. It is important to understand that although there is a spectrum of anxiety, all anxiety can cause significant distress and despair in people’s lives. At times we may begin to even lose sight of what a life would be like without this constant level of worry. This is why it is important to understand what anxiety is, how it affects you, and what we can do about it.

All anxiety can cause significant distress and despair

So, what is anxiety? Anxiety is a thought process in which excess worry and tension fill your mind and body creating both mental and physical exhaustion. Anxiety can present as intrusive thoughts that create levels of paranoia-like worry and lead us to avoid situations we might not otherwise.

How does anxiety affect me? Anxiety can affect people in many ways. It is common to have physical side effects – including but not limited to – heart palpitations, shallow or short breathing, increased blood pressure, visual impairment, or sweating. These are often short-term effects but can become more substantial if anxiety begins to take over your life. Anxiety can also affect your day-to-day living. Many people who suffer from intense anxiety avoid things because they are easily worried or overwhelmed by them. This can make it difficult to build strong social and familial relationships, a happy work environment, and activities of self-care such as going to the doctor, getting a haircut, and eating at a restaurant. Active anxiousness often causes us to lose sleep and become increasingly concerned and stressed out about something bad happening. We lose a lot of time being consumed by this feeling.

Anxiety can be overcome

What to do about anxiety? Anxiety is individual to each person and there is not a one size fits all approach in how to deal with it. There are many things that can alleviate anxious symptoms and allow you to take back control of your life. Start first with giving yourself grace and understanding that you are not alone. There are many ways to find reprieve and it is likely that with some guidance you can overcome your anxiety.

If you feel like you’re not in the driver’s seat of your own life – reach out today.

Reach out today

There has to be a better way to do this…

By Ashley Bryan MS, LMHCA

If there was ever a time that we could all agree life is overwhelming, its likely been this last year. For some of us, just merely getting up and going can feel like a task and for others it is the buildup throughout the day. To do list: get presentable, take the kids to school (or zoom), go to work (or zoom), clean the house, cook the food, pay the bills, bathe the dogs, and for the love of all things holy DO NOT FORGET YOUR MASK - as if we needed one more thing to add. It is nearly impossible to complete the day’s list, so by tomorrow we add the new tasks on top of the things we were unable to get done today -slowly burying ourselves in unrealistic and oftentimes unnecessary expectations. Then you end the day trying to get some sleep, while consistently playing over in your head how you might have managed your time better today and what you will now have to do tomorrow. We can survive this for a day, maybe two, but eventually it compiles into this feeling of impending doom.

This transformation shifts from feeling stressed to feeling completely overwhelmed. You are not alone in this. You are not alone in having this happen and feeling like you cannot escape sinking into the quicksand that feels like your life. And you are not alone in looking for help in how to overcome this.

Remind your body what rest feels like.

We too often mistake our priorities for society’s expectation of us. It is in these moments of feeling overwhelmed that we need to take a step back and evaluate our real priorities. These priorities should align with our internal values, desires, and needs. Will the dog not survive without a bath today? Is the laundry going to cause an actual explosion of the house (not just the couch) if not folded today? Are the dishes going to grow legs and attack us because we left them in the sink, for just one night? Is it more important that you get the to-do list done than being able to take a moment to sit with your partner, friend, or child in a moment of embrace and calm before the day’s end?

Did you find connection today?

To yourself and/or others?

It is easy to interpret our feelings of being overwhelmed as something that happens because of all the things we do or need to do but sit with me for a moment and think of how it might be a result of what you do not find time to do. Did you find happiness and connection today? Did you do something you love today? Did you find time to relax today? Being overwhelmed is a sign from your body. It is an indicator that is time to find balance. Take something off the list, say no, find help, listen to your heart, and allow yourself to stop worrying for a little while. There is tomorrow to get things done, but it starts with finding happiness today.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and stuck, we would love to help you recover your joy and happiness. You do not have to figure this out on your own. Reach out today.

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